Yes Dear!

[Grumpy Bear]

Two days ago we had six inches of fresh dry powder and today it’s flat land, hard west wind and my direction is south. Blind as a bat in the middle of the day. What was I thinking. White out conditions and minus seventeen.

 

What I should be thinking is I have less than ten minutes to frostbite if the Bowtie gets untied and I’m three times that in walking distance to the closest farm house in any direction. This summer straw Stetson and field jacket won’t be enough protection. Those Tony Lama’s…..

 

It was a thought better had before I left the house. I can hear her now.

 

“Why didn’t you take your phone?”

 

“Yes Dear”.

 

[Grumpy Bear]

http://members.rennlist.com/pirtle/zbody_paint_thick.txt

 

“Angstrom, millimeter, inches, microns, micro inches, mils”, and I pause to draw a breath, “could people make things any more difficult if they gave it a bit more effort?”

 

I continue, “Well it’s about as thick a dollar bill, a human hair, a blond one. As thick as a good coat of dust. Oh stop already. What it is, is pretty darn thin”. Speaking into the air as I type.

 

“What’s got you feathers ruffled this morning so soon?” Sleep pants and red fuzzy slippers entering the doorway.

 

“The lengths people will go to camouflage truth”. Maybe I said that a bit to sharp. “

 

“Paint on the truck is .0035 inches thick. Sounds thin right?”

 

“Real thin. Is that what it is?”

 

“How about if I said it was 890,000 Angstroms thick?”

 

“Really?” True surprise in her voice. “Sounds thick as the cement”!

 

“Sounds ridiculous.” I retort. “How does 3.5 Mils sound to ya? Or perhaps 88.9 Microns has a nicer ring to it?” Units of a hundred always sound impressive.

 

She takes these blows at the air is stride knowing they are meant to fall on other ears that are stopped up and hands me a cuppa coffee. “Relax”.

 

“I’d love to but I have a hard time with thieves and liars that get paid for and educated to hone their craft. Actually I understand a thief who steals a loaf of bread to feed his children. This isn’t that. This is just evil”. Out of breath.

 

“Okay, I see your point. What can be done about it?”

 

“Nothing but be aware of it and use it like any other tool in the box and be careful doing paint corrections”. I shrug. "Do you understand why I get all sideways when some thoughtless twit leans on the cars?'

 

"Yes dear".

[Grumpy Bear]

“Ever read a really good book. I mean one you can’t put down. One the steals your sleep. I have. A few in fact. Burma Rifles. Ringneck. The Once and Future King. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. To name a few. Anyway"…

 

"Every once in a while a book like that gets made into a movie. Most of the time the movie isn’t quite as good. It’s hard to pack three hundred plus pages of a really good book into under three hours without missing some important details or mental images that glue the plot together".

 

"But what if…? What if you saw that movie and found it followed the book line by line, twist by turn. Having read the book first you, however, are not surprised at quick and unexpected turns while the rest of the audience jumps out of their collective seats".

"Remember that scene in Jaws where the head comes out the hole in the bottom of the boat? Everyone in the theater jumped and gasped in unison".

 

"That was before my time silly".

 

"A few years ago I read another book that I just could not put down. Over sixteen hundred pages in length it took me about a year. A book that explains with stunning accuracy the history of man and his place in the big picture. Things that can be researched and are a part of secular history. People, places and events told in unfathomable detail with the kind of behind the scene insight that is eerie. Although its writing was completed about two thousand years ago it continues to speak in detail about today’s current events without flaw and even prophesies the future. Has much to say about things like science and personal relationships. Health. Happiness".

 

"Life lived IS this movies screenplay…well if you’ve read it cover to cover not much surprises you".

 

"If you haven’t read it…‘cover to cover’…you will have opinions about it anyway. Just not any you can call your own".

 

"Do you know the title of that book?”

 

“Yes Dear”.

 

[Coby7]

Mr. Majestic

And the best french one was Pilote de Guerre de St Exuperie

[Coby7]

I believe a movie was made from Mr Majestic with main actor as Charles Bronson but don't quote me on this one, just a memory!!!

[Grumpy Bear]

“Finally got the Rail Caps installed I see”. She announced coming in the back door. “Looks factory”.

 

“First rate quality piece at a fair price too”. I add. “Install was a breeze. Just had to wait for the snow to melt and the pockets to dry out”.

 

“Nice to see you enjoy something”. As if that were rare.

 

Oh, do I seem to not enjoy things?” I bait.

 

“I call you Grumpy Bear for a reason you know”. Setting down her bag and taking off her wrap. A safe response. “What’s for dinner?” she adds.

 

“How about McDonalds?” Picking up my coat and keys in mock and turn off the oven.

 

“How about not”. Shot out of her mouth quicker than the air could clear the last sound.

 

“You don’t enjoy Mick D?” as I continue toward the back door.

 

Her hands go to her hips with head cocked forward, “I worked hard today and would like a decent meal”, she complains.

 

“Oh, are we getting grumpy sweetie?” I can’t hold back the giggle and turn the door knob. “Where would you like to go then?”

 

“Some place nice would be good”. Now she’s got her coat back on…and…I’m on the hook for dinner.

 

“How about Pat’s” I offer, it’s close, cheap, warm and we know the owners.

 

“Really?, How about someplace with cloth napkins?”

 

I chuckle that chuckle as the mouse nibbles at the cheese. She’s talking herself into a hundred a plate and a reservation PDQ.

 

“Fine dining it is then, name the place”. Putting the ball in her court.

 

She frowns the disappointed frown and takes her coat back off. “What’s in the oven?” Opening the oven door and turning the light on for a look. Uncovers pans of the stove. There isn’t such a place within half a day’s drive.

 

Poached Salmon with drawn dill butter, red potatoes with chives and asparagus with homemade hollandaise. Her eyes pop. “WOW!”

 

“I enjoy allot of things dear”.

 

“I enjoy classical, easy jazz and 90’s country music. I enjoy fine dining. I enjoy fine art. I enjoy a nice glass of wine with a cork or a good single barrel. I enjoy good company and our cats. I enjoy most things that have intrinsic value. I enjoy a well-made suit and dressing for church. I enjoy a nice car and I love classics well restored or better, well maintained originals. I enjoy a mountain drive. A day in the desert. A drive along the beach or a chair and umbrella on it and a good book. I have a deep appreciation for a well-made “anything” and I mean almost anything. A tooled leather belt. My Grandmother lace and needle point. Stewart Boots. A Weatherby rifle. A good weld. A nice paint job. Freshly and meticulously machined parts and fresh cut metal. Finely carved and finished woods. Well-built hand made one off furniture. A good honest effort from the baseball team. Sunsets. Sunrises and rainbows. A spring rain and a good night’s sleep. The taste of a Concord grape plucked from a vine. The smell of the air after a spring rain. A heart felt prayer. The color of your eyes”.

A long list on a one short breath.

 

“What I don’t like are things that pretend to be things they are not but cost like they are. I don’t enjoy someone trying to convince me that a screw on aluminum top it better for wine than a cork. That water bourn paint is “just as good” as cellulose lacquer. That there is such a thing as vegetarian lasagna or turkey can still make a Rueben. Manmade polymers are good materials for shoes. That polymer fibers are as ‘just as good’ as linen or cotton. That there is no need for half size men’s shoes or a need for more than a few widths. That is “what’s best” for company profits is what’s best for me, my wine, my suit, my life, my children and my grandchildren”.

 

“And what I REALLY don’t like is some ass labeling me as a ‘hater or someone with nothing good to say because I refuse to accept or fail to be convinced that imitation anything is “just as good”. Especially from people not old enough to have experienced “fine” or “well crafted” anything or those old enough to but have lost there courage and who have devoted themselves to the materialistic notions that have led to the extinction of quality. They can’t even write cursively their own names much less hand fashion anything they can’t keyboard. I take exception to being labeled irrelevant and dismissed like a child for having an opinion that is rationally defendable, logically sound and morally… can point North on a compass.”

 

“Yes dear”.

[Grumpy Bear]

“Well what do you think?” the salesman asks. We’ve just taken a year old Terrain for a test spin and the wife is smiling. Doesn’t have all the bells and whistles she wished for and it’s white, not her favorite color but it made her smile anyway. Good, the search is getting a bit long in the tooth.

 

“Well Dan, we like it just fine. I’d like my mechanic to give it the once over before I start dealing out dollars though”.

 

“Fine, when do you think you could make that happen?”

 

I’m already dialing the number and put a finger to the air signaling a minute is needed to reply.

 

“Thursday morning”, as I hang up the phone returning it to my pocket. It’s now Tuesday.

 

“So folks, how sure are we about this deal?” Prodding is what sales people do. And although Dan and I have known each other for a few years he hasn’t learned to read me yet. He should have guessed the deal was in the bag.

 

“Let’s say if Jason gives me the thumbs up you’ve sold a…”, what are these things anyway? “Car”. I decide. Doesn’t get more sure than that so I offer my hand in a gentlemen’s handshake on the deal which he accepts without much thought…And he should have…I can see this coming and I’m the only one in the room that does.

 

“What do you say we step back in the office then and write this up and do a little earnest money”. He suggest, and the world stops turning as he fails to realize the bucket of crap he just stepped in. What he hears instead is…”

 

“Why would I give you money on a car sold pending third party inspection?

 

He looks puzzled. “It makes the deal more sure”.

 

“I’m pretty sure my word did that”. I’m funny about giving my word.

 

The look on his face is priceless. Dumbfounded best says it. Then he offers, “Tom likes to get some assurance the sale is firm before he lets it go to a third party”. Almost said as a question.

 

“Ask Tom how badly he wants to sell this car”. The glaze thickens on his face.

 

I continue, “I said, "IF Jason gives a thumbs up the car is sold". That said one of two things becomes true if money is still required.

1.) You don’t trust my word to be good in which case I will take offence and we can quit now or…

2.) There is something wrong with the car you know about you’re not telling in which case I am really offended and the deal is off”.

 

He gives that a chuckle and says, ” C’mon man!”

 

“Dan, do you leave a dime on the self at the store for a loaf of bread to assure the manager of your intent to buy that bread paying the balance at the checkout?”

 

He’s nervous now. “Well no but I’m not going to take is apart to inspect it either” hoping to win me over.

 

“Your right…but I can bring the loaf back half eaten too if I find it defective. Is that true as well in this case?” and the light bulb comes on.

 

“Look Mart, I don’t want any bad blood between us so let’s skip the money and you take it Thursday and let me know. Until then it stays on the lot and can be sold to anyone else. We good?”

 

“So, if you ask for my daughters hand in marriage I can let everyone that wishes kick the tires until you say “I do”?”

 

“NO!”

 

“Then sir, what’s it going to be?”

 

“I will pull it from the lot. Put the sold sign on it and move it to the shop. Give you the keys and let you about your business. We good now?”

 

“Yep, now we are good as gold. See ya Thursday”.

 

As we walk back to the car headed of dinner the wife says, “You were a bit hard on him weren’t you? We could have given him something”.

 

“Tell me Sugar Bear…what price should I value my word at?”

 

“Yes dear”.

 

​(1763)

 

[Grumpy Bear]

This is going to be a long drive for five minutes of conversation. Kevin is an acquaintance of ours we had not seen in over a year. We bumped into him a few days ago at the GMC dealer where he works not knowing he had moved from Rockfalls to Morison. We spent some time that day swapping stories and catching up a bit while he did his sales thing dragging information out of Sugar Bear as to the type of SUV she was after. Eventually he got around to his business. He didn’t have a Terrain or the Chevy equivalent on site but said he could get a few within a day or so. I told him we were in no hurry and to take his time.

 

“If you guys would like to put say $500 on the table I could find you one in a day or so” he says.

 

“You want me to partially front your buy of a few SUV’s?” I laugh. "Not a chance, I want to keep my options open".

 

He’s seen me like this before and excuses himself to talk to the his buyer. About two minutes and he’s back.

 

“Okay I can have three here in about an hour”…

 

I decline to stay. It is late. We are tired and hungry and we have a two hour drive ahead of us. Besides these cars are rental cars. He assures us that these will be bought anyway as they have none and move well and he will call in a day or two when he has one that is in line with her want.

 

Next day we drive down to a local lot where we have done business before so see what they haven and what they have is pretty much what she wants. Dan and I talk and strike a deal. I give my word, shake his hand and off we go happy as clams at high tide.

 

Julie goes to work the next day and soon enough Kevin calls saying he has a nice one he wants to show us. I hate this. People assuming and over reaching. So as he is a friend I jump in the truck and make the two hour drive to do him the courtesy of informing him of our decision face to face. I despise doing things like this over the phone or texting or emailing like a coward.

 

He meets me at the door, “I have it in the back….” And he stops mid-sentence. “What?”

 

“Kevin we have found the one she wants and the deal is done pending a mechanical inspection”.

 

“Did you put money down on it or sign a buy order?” he asks.

 

“Nope but I gave my word”. and wink.

 

“Hum” his wheels are turning. “I bet I can beat his price by thousands”. And he tosses out a number about three grand lower. Oh I hate this.

 

“Gave my word Kevin. I wouldn’t be worth much without it”.

 

He actually gets it and shakes his head and says, “See me first next time will you?”

 

“Sure, I can do that”. And I’m thinking we are all good to go but….not

 

Sales Manager has a desk within ear shot and he would like to test my integrity. I have no idea who this guy is but Kevin does and steps a pace away.

 

“Tell ya what. You buy that gray one today and I’ll go to 18K out the door”. That’s seven grand under the book. Seriously I say to myself. Let’s see.

 

“SOLD” I bark “Write it up”. And off he goes. Kevin looks stunned.

 

“Did you just sell you word?”. Kevin ask, adding, "That number is cost".

 

“Watch and lean my friend”. I reply.

 

Manager comes back paper work in hand in about the time it takes me to drink a cuppa. I love people with huge egos. They just can’t let go. He lays the deal in front of me and says to Kevin, “Everyone has a price”. Hands me his phone and tells I can cancel the other deal on his dime.

 

“Why would I do that I ask?”

 

The look on his face is a mix of shock, worry and confusion.

 

“I’m not buying this in place of young man. I’m buying it in addition to”.

 

Kevin laughed so hard he blew his Pepsi out his nose. I tore the contract in two and stood there for a minute to see if the color would return to his face. “You need a new line of work mister. You’re not very good at this one.

 

“Your so mean Grumpy Bear” as I tell her the story at dinner.

 

“Yes dear, so I've been told”.

 

[Grumpy Bear]

Little boy sees the water vapor plume rising from the cooling towers of a nuclear plant on a cold day and tells his mom, “I saw the place clouds are made”.

 

She smiles at his innocence but lingers in thought over his misunderstanding. It is if fact worrisome. Children are not the only ones to draw such conclusions. Conclusions lead to opinions and opinions fuel our beliefs. Beliefs, hart felt ones at least, are the center of our truths. Truths born this way and held with conviction breed all sorts of hurt.

 

Ironically they are not the really the truth.

 

In classical philosophy this would be the dividing line between inductive and deductive reasoning.

 

 

 

“Damn it!” heard right after a mild popping sound. Not in the line of sight I poke my head out of the office to see Sugar Bear standing on a chair replacing decorative flame shaped bulbs in the light over the dining room table. Several laying on the table.

 

“What’s wrong dear?” It’s a better question than ‘can I be of help’ until you know your help is wanted. It’s got nothing to do with being needed mind you.

 

She explains that just a few days ago she replace the one next to it and couldn’t get it to work and now a second one replaced beside it is failing to find resolution. She insist there is something wrong with the fixture.

 

“Try another bulb”. I offer. This is a mistake. That pile of bulbs on the table are in fact the rejected bulbs. Ops!

 

“Swap it for the bulb next to it and just seat it”. That one is lit.

 

“That’s stupid!” followed by “Go away”. Which I do returning to the office. Reason does not lay in emotion and you can’t argue from it.

 

A few minutes later she enters the room, head down and gives me a hug. “Sorry”.

 

Seems the swap worked and that popping sound wasn’t the lamp burning out but the vacuum being broken from a bulb turned to tightly. Several times.

 

“Not to worry Sugar Bear. Everyone makes mistakes. Sort of what a misunderstanding is isn’t it?”

 

“Yes Dear”.

[Grumpy Bear]

“I could see he wasn’t going to make it before he entered the turn!? It’s a piece of road she knows well. Drives the 25 mile stretch five days a week and has for nearly twenty years.

 

She had just come through that curve and was turned back by state police barricading an accident further north. Freezing rain covered with a light snow blown in from the adjacent fields kills traction even for the four by four crowd and this joker wasn’t one of them.

 

“All I could do was watch”. She continued. “I couldn’t hit the brake and I couldn’t steer. So I eased off the gas and watched him do a half dozen three sixties as he slid past me on the inside of the curve. I could have lite his cigarette for him”. A little quake in her voice betraying how near a miss it was.

 

It’s a north south state primary in the heat of the Illinois corn belt. Flat as glass to the horizon in any direction you please to look. Twice along its length are some big sweeping turns. The first even has a nice banking to it. Likely shouldn’t as everyone thinks it‘s turns three and four at Daytona. None the less anyone with a week’s driving under their belt should now better in these conditions.

 

I give her a hug and whisper, “Glad you’re alright”.

 

“Yes dear, I’m fine”.

[Grumpy Bear]

“Talked to the kids today”. It’s dinner and the icebreaker is laid in place.

 

“Any news of note?” She volleys back pealing a bean for the kitten. Likes beans for some reason but not the skins. Get caught on the roof of her mouth. Not a site one wishes to clean up twice.

 

“Susan moved out Roberts says”. They are calling it taking a break.

 

“I see…from what”? Now in full eye contact sipping a bit of water.

 

I ponder that a minutes, “From each other I guess…but sounds pretty one sided hearing just half a story. More like she’s taking a break from him. He’s pretty upset about the whole thing”.

 

“What did you say to him?”

 

“Told him to talk to his mother”. Sugar Bear is not Roberts mother. “She really smart and she’s is a very good listener”. (Don’t ask.)

 

“And?” offering that ‘feed me’ gesture the football boys do. Appropriate.

 

Says, “He doesn’t want to hear it because she will give him advice from the bible. If fact he hasn’t talked to her in quite some time because of her faith”. I can feel the frown on my face taking a cement like set.

 

“What did you say to that?” She stopped eating now.

 

“Told him his mother’s faith wasn’t’ something she puts on like jockey shorts, that’s what I told him. It’s who she is, not what she does”.

 

“He’s young yet Grumpy”. That cute consoling smile.

 

“He darn near 40 girl”!....”I asked him if the thought he saw any clues in that he might meditate on for his current troubles”… “I got a deadly silence”.

 

After a second I asked, “You like that with Susan too?” More dead air…..

 

“Shut her out if it isn’t something you want to hear? Participate only if you’re interested? You have them both on the back burner just waiting for them to see it your way. Do it your way. What did you think was going to happen given a ten year diet of being second place and second best”.

(And now you don’t have to ask.)

 

So breaking the silence he yelps, “What kind of crap is that?” Ah! A nerve. “What do you expect me to do?”

 

“I expect you to do for them what they’ve been doing for you for as long as you’ve known either. Keep your mouth shut. Your ears open. Your mind quiet and try to understand not just what they are saying but why they are saying it. Show them the respect you’ve demanded from them then man up and apologize to both. Nobody is “all that”.

 

“So how did that go?” Picking her jaw off the table. “You landed on him pretty hard”.

 

“Hard enough to get his attention you think?”

 

“Yes Dear”.

[Grumpy Bear]

“Sugar Bear, what do you suppose moves a fella to change from Dodge and Deaf Leopard to Bentley and Bach? From Pontiac and Punk to Paganini and Porsche? Mercury and Motely Crew to Maserati and Mozart”

 

“Maturity Grumpy Bear. Maturity”.

 

“Yes Dear”.

[CadillacLuke24]

Or so they claim

[Grumpy Bear]

“It happened” I whispered.

 

“What happened Grumpy?” never breaking her concentration opening that can of cat food that is going to assault my nose any second now.

 

“Enough of us old guys have died off there is no one left to remind the inexperienced that chrome use to be an electroplating process over magnetic materials that when done correctly looks awesome, is tough as nails and corrosion resistant for five decades if well maintained. All the young ones think chrome is anything shinny like a mirror”. Said in my best dejected tone. Cat food just smacked me in the face. Stuff smells the same at either end of the beast.

 

“Is the such a big deal?” chasing one cat off another’s dish.

 

“Well let’s think about that. Chrome bumpers were the norm at one time before low speed impact laws. Part of the trucks price. Most did a very good job making them too. Now? It’s a several hundred dollar option or part of a mega thousand dollar “package” and it isn’t durable enough to withstand the first good bug storm or rock peppering it gets. Yea, it’s a big deal…but only if your old enough to know the difference”.

 

“I suppose it’s cheaper”. She says and I’m holding back a gag.

 

“Not for the owner it isn’t”. Off to the back door for some air… “That TWO thousand dollar truck of the sixties is now FIFTEEN to THRITY times that much and built one fifth as well. I can make that argument all day long and win it no matter how much more the new ones will pull, tow or how tech forward they are. Pearls on a pig and it’s still a pig, right”?

 

“Yes dear”.

[Grumpy Bear]

“I don’t want to talk about this”. A cold numb look coming to her face.

 

I shook my head, “Not my favorite topic either”. Death never is.

 

We had received an invite via snail mail to a dinner and sit down with a prominent local tax adviser who had found us by what means I was yet to learn. I was half expecting a Bernie Madoff type pitch and some cheesy meal in a no tell motel setting.

 

Dinner was quite good. Setting was a upper class hotel conference room and the topic wasn’t, ‘hand me your money and let me make you rich’ to the twenty or so in attendance. It was instead a very detailed explanation of the state’s laws, history and track record concerning estate planning. More to the point, how a trust exceeds a will in protection for anyone associated with the trust and a quick and broad Q&A.

 

Dinner and the cost of the setting were a tax write off he expensed. In fact he didn’t make a dime on the introduction to the lawyer we were introduced to who did the presentation and actually did the work if accepted. We were asked to sign a receipt for the service for his tax record and to make an appointment about two weeks out for a sit down for a more personalized adaptation of this information we had just heard. I took these two weeks to vet this fella and the lawyer nine ways to Sunday using the family lawyer and a judge friend of my brothers who sat, recently retired, the state appellate court. Not only squeaky clean but highly regarded as one of the best in the state, not just our region. Both third generation in their fields.

 

We had talked about this hit and miss for some time and the conversations were getting more often and more pointed as we age and as we place our loved ones to rest. Hail is sort of on your mind when you’re in the middle of a hailstorm.

 

At the meeting we received more detail and an opportunity to ask any questions we care to ask. Okay…

 

“What’s in this for you? Do you get a finder’s fee from the lawyer?”

 

“No sir, the lawyer and I work together to plan your estate. I collect no fee from him and his is a onetime fee for life and a life time service to you”.

 

“What then?”

 

“I’m a tax advisor and strategist. If allowed I will assess your estate and make recommendations that will work with the trust to preserve and maximize your estates potential to serve you to the fullest extent possible”.

 

“So I pay you to give us advise?”

 

“No sir, you will never receive a bill from this office. I get paid by those firms whose services you accept by my reference in your behalf”.

 

“And if I take your advice but approach these firms on my own?”

 

I got a quizzical look and a smile, “You can certainly do that and there is nothing I could do about it but….this isn’t a one stop shop. If you accept my offer you have my services for life as well as my team. Twice a year we meet to keep things on track such as changes in law that make this or that a better option”.

 

“So what do you need from us?’ Sugar Bear pipes in.

 

“A complete look at your financials excluding nothing and a conversation that guides us in your expectations for your future. What would you like this trust to accomplish”.

 

“Us?” I ask.

 

“The team, myself, my brother and the lawyer”. His brother is a facilitator. The muscle if you will.

 

We agree and set the next meeting. When we return we need to provide some details for recipients of the trust and alternate trustees, POA etc., which means a conversation with all six children and older grandchildren.

 

That conversation…the one Sugar Bear does not wish to have is with the kids.

 

“Okay sweetie, I’ll make the calls myself, boys and girls. Okay?”

 

“Please, yes Dear, thank you”.

 

Weeks later and we could not be happier with the result and more importantly. Relieved that it’s done. Structured to remove any and all burdens for the children It’s a sense of freedom you don’t often get to enjoy…for all of us. God will handle the rest.