Yes Dear!

CadillacLuke24 · March 8, 2017

That's a good thing to get sorted out. If you get sick and wind up on your way out in the hospital, then it can clear up a lot of things.

Grumpy Bear · March 10, 2017

She rolls her eyes in mock when she’s heard the story a million times. Still I love to tell them.

“Ever tell you about the ex and I taking the trip to Disney back in the day?” I have no idea why this story is coming to mind.

She wants to roll those eyes but….."Nope, haven’t heard this one. At least I don’t think so, start” she says, “I’ll stop you if I have”. Ah, permission.

“Well we were headed down I-24 toward Nashville headed for Florida. We’re riding the Superglide back in the days of the double nickel. I look down and see from the mileage I need gas and need it pretty soon and just as I look up I pass the off ramp and the State Trooper whose setting up a speed trap on the north bound a ways before the overpass. I have to make the next exit and double back unless there is fuel there and there isn’t. As we come back up the on ramp we merge into traffic alongside a 455 Trans Am with a pair of collage girls in it. Drinking of course. Passenger rolls down her window and while making a galloping gesture with her hands on the dash yells something disparaging which I can’t really make out over the lightly baffled slash M’s. I just know she’s cracking wise. I tap the misses on the leg and yell ‘hang on’, drop a gear and turn up the wick. It’s about two miles to the speed trap just over the next big rise.

“Being a drunk wise cracker the driver of the Poncho isn’t going to take it lying down and accepts the challenge. By the time were are say, within 300 feet of the crest of the hill were over a hundred and….I lay down on the binders as hard as I dare two up and peak over the hill just under 60 while she is still pulling like the Chicago Northwestern. They must have tripped the trap near a buck and a quarter and Johnny was on the spot.”

"By the time the chase car has them on the curb I pass them just before my exit and catch some finger sign and dodge a beer bottle she knows there is no hiding.”

Sugar Bear gives a thumbs up. Not because it’s a good story but because she heard something new. “That was a mean thing to do” she says laughing.

“Yes Dear and fun too”.

Grumpy Bear · March 15, 2017

“There is nothing wrong with the wheels you have”. She hardly looked at the virtual photo I so carefully prepared. She did take note that the Silverado badge was backward and give that a chuckle. Happens when you reverse a negative. Even a virtual negative.

It annoys me when she blows something so meticulously present off like that. Like I haven’t sat through hundreds of ‘fashion shows’ after a long days shopping. (In the middle of THE game of the week.) I wouldn’t have minded so much if she just didn’t like them. She didn’t want me to like them either. She just didn’t want me to have them. Didn’t even ask how much they cost.

“I wasn’t asking your permission”, and I can’t describe the look on her face correctly but something sort of like looking into the devils eyes after dumping ice water on him.

Well now what’s a fella to do? She’s still got the stair going.

“I guess that’s a non-starter”. I mumble. “You know what the problem is here don’t you?” My tone gaining traction. “You think you’re the boss of me”. As the kids say…and in the same humor.

“Yes Dear”.

D’oh!!

Grumpy Bear · March 17, 2017

Winter is too long leaving and too quick coming. Leaves me too much time idle and when I’m idle I think too much. Thinking too much depletes wallets. That’s what the wife is for, pulling the kite string in….

I have my winter’s thoughts shopping list.

New wheels and tires. Alloy 2” cowl hood. Full clear body bra. Eaton 60 Locker and a 3.73:1 gear set. 3” rear drop. Katzkin leather and foot well lighting. Powder coated bumpers. A pillar mounted alky content and AFR gauges. Grill shutters. Fox shocks. Addco sway bar.

“You can have what you want. Just not always when you want it”. She rings.

“You know that thought, when you age you revert to your childhood?”

‘Yes dear”.

Grumpy Bear · March 26, 2017

Rain and fog and hot and cold. A front fighting for northern Illinois. Sloppy. I’m not a big fan of driving the good ones in this sort of mess but the salt is long washed away on most surfaces. It’s been that kind of spring.

A bit of spring fever or stir crazy but getting out of the house for a drive was mandatory if both of us were going to keep breathing. Besides I wanted to see how the new alignment was going to perform. Sugar Bear needs a break and Kewanee two hours away has some pretty good eats.

After an hour and nested in a blanket she remarks, “Wow, that’s allot better. Alignment did all that?”

“All what”. I was half listening at best absorbed in the nuances of the ride.

“Those railroad tracks didn’t threaten to knock the wheels off and my drink stayed in the cup holder”. She seems amazed holding an intense stare on her ice tea. I nodded affirmative. A mistake I knew it immediately. “Can’t hear your head rattle”. Followed by that cute giggle of hers.

“How much did that cost?” she adds taking a draw on her drink while tucking a foot under her thigh. Shoes off of course. I’m giving my own stair.

I mumble, “A bit over $200 for that and the pinon seal”, thinking it allot.

“You did good. I was expecting more given the obscene cost of GM parts, $50 for a seal?", then added, “So is that all now?”

“Nope” just sort of fell out of my mouth. No use holding back now. “Rear axle isn’t square in the chassis”. And I followed with my favorite, “Charge like a Bentley and build them like a Tinker Toy”.

“That’s not fair” she snapped in mock, “Tinker Toys are built much better than that”.

“Yes Dear”, I smiled, “I believe they are”.

BigBlueLB756 · March 30, 2017

When "She" isn't happy, no body is happy.

When "He" isn't happy,...........................no body cares.

Who'da thought....a literary thread on the forum.

But, I don't care.

Grumpy Bear · April 4, 2017

“Try this” holding out a small juice glass.

“No” she snapped then added, “What is it?”

I held a chuckle. “Chocolate”, uttered deadpan but smiling devishly.

And the look. “Two thirds V8 juice and a third Zing Zang Bloody Mary mix”. Straight mix is a bit spicy for her.

“Oh” taking the glass and a sip. “That’s much better”. A quirky little smile following.

Now would be a good time, “How about giving a few pictures on the truck site a look while I have your attention?” Marv88 is doing up a real pretty blue RCSB just the way I like them and he’s good with a camera. Blue is Sugar Bears favorite color so the deck is stacked. “This guy on the site” I continue, “has done a very tasteful 0-3 drop on a blue one and I’d like your opinion”. She’s not a big fan of lowered or lifted trucks. The one in a million that likes what the factory has done straight away. That and she likes sitting high but without a ladder to get there in a dress and heels.

“Okay but only because it’s blue so don’t be getting any ideas”, too late.

The side by side did the trick. She hadn’t given the rake it’s due props. “Go back to the stock picture” and she pauses on it a few seconds, “Scroll down”, again a long look.

“Ours doesn’t sit that high in back…does it?” She seemed truly shocked.

“Yep but the blacked out tubs visually kills some of the height”.

“Will it lower my sitting height?”

“Nope”.

“How much is that going to cost?”

“For the drop?” then quickly but quietly add, “Less than a hundred in parts” I’ll hold off on installation, alignment and shocks for now.

“Are you A-s-k-i-n-g my permission?” in her best Coy Dog.

BOOM!!

Grumpy Bear · April 19, 2017

“No!” rang the air like a bell. When the foot falls, it’s heard. I’d made mention of getting a beagle and as we have a house full of cats and beagles are small game hunters....

Hum…let that rest awhile. Days or weeks perhaps.

“ What’s the plan for today?” never knowing what she may have told me that’s slipped the grey matter.

“No plan but maybe the store for a few things for dinner and a ride would be nice”. And off we go. A ride to Tails that is. A no kill shelter we rescued two of our kitties from. She likes to look even if she isn’t buying.

In pen #3 is a gaggle of a dozen or so brindle puppies. Bending down to pet one ten come to heal fighting for my hand climbing all over each other. Two stay back toward the rear of the pen. Like I can’t walk around and I do reaching in once more the heard stomps them but good clamoring for attention. Oh I like quite ones.

Hugo they’ve named the runt. (who names these critters anyway). I have an attendant pull him, read his chip and send him to a meet and greet room. Sugar bear is all goo-goo over his cuteness. He’s shaking like a leaf and scared half out his wits then asleep like the dead in my lap in about a minute. Choice has been made. Then I do the unthinkable. “Ya know”, I tell the attendant, “We need to think about this. Can we put a hold on for a day?”

“Absolutely” he replies and we fill out a bit of paper work (we meaning she).

Next day I call and say we are not going to take him. It’s just before closing and the shelter is closed for Easter. I have till Monday then. I take pets seriously as a heart attack. Big responsibility. Like a child. Well the wife and I both waffle for two days.

Monday I’m on the road five hours from home when the Bluetooth chime’s in. It’s the Sugar Bear. “They still have him” she reports. A task I had left unasked.

“Call and tell them I’ll be there soon as they open tomorrow”. I say flat as a pancake.

“I don’t know Grumpy. The Sister-in-law says Terrier Pits are cat killers. A bad idea for a first dog”. (her first, my fifth).

“That seals it. It’s a done deal”. I gruff. “Oh, by the way, when you said last week ”’“no dogs”’” you obviously meant no pure breed dogs, right?”

“Yes Dear”. The rescue Queen.

REX is his name. All four months and twelve pounds of him. Hugo indeed.

Grumpy Bear · May 15, 2017

At the dealership this Saturday looking around just enjoying the day, a time we don’t normally participate in this activity. Why? We don’t like getting mauled by the salesmen that lurk the lot. That said one approaches the truck as we are doing the lot lizard cruise at about 2 mph. I halt and from a pace or two back he introduces himself in the way a fellow who lives on the block introduces himself to a new neighbor. “Zack” he says.

“You’re not from around here are you?” the wife inquires his accent the giveaway.

“No mam, Tennessee”. With a slow nod of the head as if he were tipping his hat.

I thank him for not getting up on the truck as 99.99% of people do when they are talking to someone inside the vehicle and slide on out to investigate.

“No sir. Not my truck sir. Pretty one too”.

“Military?” I ask. More respect than I am use to indeed.

“No sir”. He replies, “Tennessee”. Then smiles that broad warm friendly southern smile the south is famous for. Sincerity you don’t see much anymore.

“You seem to have a fine appreciation of other people’s belongings”, I add.

“I’m a car guy” then shows me a tattoo on his forearms inside of a duce in the fashion of the fifties. Nice ink in about a 5 X 7.

“So your selling?” I offer flatly.

“For now. I wrench. I paint. I fabricate and I restore. A passion I’d call it”.

“So your selling”, I repeat.

“Selling pays better and I don’t want to sacrifice my passion for someone else’s greed. It spoils the work”.

Oh he’s honest about himself and his situation too. I like this kid. Kid of perhaps 35-40 be my guess. Offers a card then ask, “Any questions?”

Painter eh, “Could this truck be blocked out and re-cleared and finished flat?” Yea, I know the answer.

“Sure”. Head cocked in question.

“Then perhaps you could explain to me why I can’t pay anyone with talent to do it?”

After a quick chuckle, “No one want’s to work that hard anymore sir”. That sir again

“Nice chatting to a guy that cares” then adds, “Give a holler if you see something you want a look at”. Wow!! I think.

I want to look at his work and hire him is what I want to do but get that punch in the shoulder from the wife who ones again is in mind reading mode.

He again laughs.

Wife ask a few questions about the upcoming production of the Terrain which he answers and we part company. She’s hungry and puppy is in need of water.

“WHAT!” as I get another punch.

“You know what”.

“Yes dear”.

Grumpy Bear · July 5, 2017

It’s a pretty day and we’re out for a ride along US 14 heading west toward some Rustic Roads west of the Janesville/Madison corridor. The road widens near the I-43 exchange and I stay left in the through lane and about 50 yards from the overpass the truck makes a hard right.

“DAMN”! She yelps in pain. “What did you hit?”, quickly followed. She had been looking down at her I-phone picking out a route to Quaker Steak and Lube. A new restaurant she wanted to share with me on the way. She had visited one on one of her work trips out of town recently and was impressed.

I saw it coming but didn’t’ think it would be that bad. A washboard section of road often seen after winter. Not pot holes. Rapid undulation of the road surface. It just happened that the humps were spaced roughly the same distance as the trucks wheelbase and approximately two or three inches high and fifty yard long. Well within the shock travel of this ride. Wheels totally lost contact with the road and sideways she went. Not a thing I could do about it but finish its move to the smoother right lane and hope no one was occupying that space. Cars scattered like cockroaches when the lights are turned on.

“Nothing” I bark finishing the maneuver. Brakes are useless if the tires aren’t on the ground. “That crap has got to go”. I’d like to get my hands on the engineering team that thought this was a good setup. Yea, trucks are trucks and demand high spring rates BUT if so then spend more than twenty a shock for appropriate valving. Bean counters in charge of engineering is killing people. I mean people’s lives are at stake here. Its not just a comfort thing.

“There has to be something you can do about it?” she pleads.

“Not cheaply”, I mumble.

“Define cheaply!” This bugs her as much as it does me. Didn’t know that.

As it happens I’ve been watching some video from Filthy Motorsports and as it continues to happen the owner owns an F-150 that is (was) set up as poorly as the Chevy and has the resources and motivation to do something about it…and did. Thus the ground work for mine is in the bag.

“Four grand maybe”. It just sort of popped out of my mouth. Not smart.

Silent and wide eyed; she was speechless. For a second anyway.

“ , what cost that much!” following.

“Re-spring all four corners. Re-valved large bore shocks and new isolation hangers”. A gasp for breath, “and the install” I finish. “Oh and realign”.

Exhale.

Her silence is haunting sometimes. “Do you want this fixed?”

“Yes Dear!!!!!!!”

Grumpy Bear · July 23, 2017

"You disagree with anything I have to say" I barked.

A short pause for effect later, "No I don't".

Boardmember · July 24, 2017

I read the entire string. You note those I "liked," but actually really enjoyed them all. Thank you.

I read a few passages to my daughter. She asked if you were published. I have no idea, but you might consider. You're talented. And insightful. And compassionate, funny.

Thanks for doing this Grumpy. And did you get new shocks/springs? I'm hooked now...

Grumpy Bear · July 25, 2017

I read the entire string. You note those I "liked," but actually really enjoyed them all. Thank you.

I read a few passages to my daughter. She asked if you were published. I have no idea, but you might consider. You're talented. And insightful. And compassionate, funny.

Thanks for doing this Grumpy. And did you get new shocks/springs? I'm hooked now...

No-no, I'm not published but I do enjoy writing. To publish you have to please a critic...your publisher. I also enjoy public reading. Your very kind and thank your daughter for me please.

I am very pleased you like my work. Thank you. Wife appreciated your comments as well.

Oh, edit, D'oh. Yes springs are ordered with a 5/6 week lead and the shocks get ordered this Thursday with a 4/5 week lead.

Grumpy Bear · August 20, 2017

Dinner conversation ends with….

So I’m sitting in Deegan’s getting the shift lever replaced and this fella twenty years plus my senior comments on the number of trucks sitting in an auto repair shop.

“They break down that often?” Into the air with a chuckle I believe but who knows so I chance a response.

“More like it’s what people drive these days I think”. Then add, “Mines the red one on the center lift”. He poked in fun, I answered serious. I’m in a mood.

“Ah, a new one?” He’s looking her over like a long legged blonde on Saturday night.

With a little well of sinful pride, “Nope, two year old with 40K on the clock. Bought her a year ago with 1300 on the odometer from a guy that quit driving who took really good care of her”. [Didn’t drive her and kept her under roof] I say silently to myself.

“Going to keep her? He continues now looking under, over, and around.

I know this look. I get it sometimes. Did when I bought this rig. “That’s the plan”. Curiosity getting the better of me...”Why?”

“I farm and I’m rough as hell on trucks so they don’t last too long”. He turns his gaze to me, “I look for trucks like yours for replacements for the dead”. He points to his broken wreck of a truck not four years old. Looks like he ran over it with the bucket not fill it.

Hook set, “Like mine means…?” I return his stare.

“Looked after like a plow horse on a hobby farm. Ya know, she gets the best but babied; Looks like, built like…but never used as. Ten years from now it will still look new, run like new, work like new but be worth the price of spoiled corn”. He’s laughing at me and her….

She sets down her glass with that knowing crooked smile. “And?”

“Told him he’s a pretty smart fella”.

“And”, she repeats.

“And she’s not for sale”….”Did I do good”! I mock.

“Yes Dear”.

Grumpy Bear · September 26, 2017

Getting run over by a motorhome is just the latest in a series of ‘C’mon man’ moments. It wasn’t the damage that bothered me. It was the fact the fella that did it wouldn’t put his hand in the air and in a shop that small I know all the players and still couldn’t prove any of it. So…I stew on it then take it over to Brian’s for an estimate. YIKES!

No dent to remove. A quarter by an eighth inch gouge in the box paint, a nick in the bumper and a tail lamp lens beyond a rub out was north of a grand and the guy footing the bill, while the shop owner is a friend and more importantly NOT the guy who drove a customer’s motorhome into it.

I look up from the paperwork and chide, “Gezzz Larry, what does a full paint job cost?”

“How flat you want it?” he bounced back.

“FLAT”.

“Seven grand will cover it”.

I take the estimate to the shop and present it and he says, “Fine, but I will buy and install the tail lamp myself”.

“Fine”. And I get this sinking feeling in my gut that I’ve just stabbed a good friend so that night I dinner……

“You going to swallow that dirt in your mouth or just mull on it in silence”. I didn’t even notice she was looking at anything but her plate.

“Looks that bad?”

“Yea, looks like it hurts”. So I offer up the part of the story she hasn’t as yet heard to bring her up to speed.

“Why do you want to paint it now if you’re going to have the whole truck painted anyway?” Boy I did not see that coming at all.

“What?” it as good as I can muster in the moment and she thinks…never mind what I think she thinks.

“Well your certainly not going to make him pay for a mistake not his own, right?” And that’s the point wrapped in a nut shell. “Fix it yourself, your good at that sort of thing”.

I can, I am and now is a perfect time to give it a go. I mean if I mess it up its covered and if I don’t, problem solved. Actually problem solved no matter what and Jason pays for nothing but the tail lamp which by now was bought and installed yesterday. Just do the right thing and it will be all good.

“So your saying what Sugar Bear?” Careful now…

“Seems a fair price and Robert is a great painter so I’m thinking there’s no need to do it twice and we bank it for a next summer project. Sound good to you?”

“OH Yes Dear”. ( She was thinking what I thought she was thinking...YES!!)