Donstar

The abuse of the system is terrible. It definitely spoils opportunities for those in need. "I'll drive by the foodbank after I've been to the liquor store." I use to work near a foodbank and the cars that would fill our parking lot on distribution day were people who would walk the block to the warehouse to appear more needy. I know people experiencing poverty can own cars but these weren't typically poor people type cars! Sometimes it is hard to discern those in legitimate need and we sometimes miss the most vulnerable. A good resource for making a legitimately charitable donation may be your local elementary school. The administrative staff will know of a family in desperate need and will serve as a "go-between" to respect the privacy of the recipient. I was a Principal of several schools during my career and was always kept aware of our children in greatest need. Often, their families were suffering in secrecy and too proud to ask for help. An anonymous donation from a neutral, trusted source can make a real difference to an at risk family.

Does she point or say click, click? Just wondering...

+1 for hiring a pro! I mean professional and not simply paying a person to do the job. They will do a much better and quicker job. A pro will also discuss your color ideas prior to painting which will reduce chances of spousal protest. If you decide to DIY, include your wife in the project. My wife has different skills than me but we both take ownership on good or bad decisions. Spousal protest is greatly reduced when "we" did it!

Teen years are mother natures way of making the weaning process easier. The transition to adult independence is pretty natural for most. We hear, and sometimes witness, the exceptions to this process. Mental illness, drugs trauma etc. skew the playing field. I also carry a mantra like, "I don't mind helping a man that is down. I do not want to help a man that is too lazy to help himself." This works for most, until it doesn't. None of us would sit back and watch a person die from self harm and/or overdose especially if it was your child. We've had such an experience and all of the tough love in the world wouldn't save this child. Several days of him clinging to life in intensive care this past fall gave us another opportunity to leave this earth knowing our offspring are safe. We know that we may not be successful but I'll bury some of my macho beliefs and give up some of my toy money before I bury a son. We also know there are services to help and we take advantage of what is available. We all know how available these services are as evidenced by the homeless crisis in our towns and cities.

Most parents will will do their best to raise their cubs to be self sufficient and to make positive contributions to society. Whether we are successful or not, we will instinctively strive to protect our children. Bravado and tough love may help guide us but when these don't work, we need to try alternatives.

One of our45+yr old offspring spends all money and credit in advance. Tomorrow rent is due and we know we will be getting a desperate plea for "help" today. This call to the bank of mummy and daddy is a financial strategy that has continued since this "child's" teen years. We often receive the tough love type advice from others but this typically comes from people who have not experienced a comparable situation. We also have children who all reached total independence at the appropriate stage of development. We can't take credit or blame for the financial situation of 40+ year old adults. Years ago I would have mocked such late in life parenting but shared DNA is very, very powerful when homelessness and/or self harm are also suspected to be on the table. We do know there could be an appearance of elder abuse so we keep siblings and others informed of our efforts to keep this particular child from getting to a point of no return. The first people I think of when I come across a group of homeless people are their parents. Every man and woman sleeping on the street have either devastated or dead parents. It will be the latter if any of my children find themself sleeping on the street!

A loved one is accused of an unprovoked attack on a stranger. The family member was in the process of being robbed by two men while out for a walk in the evening. He is a strong man and responded quickly and the would be robber required an ambulance. (hospitalization not required) Prosecutor offered a deal of of a 1yr. suspended sentence to my relation and, of course, a criminal record. (Future employment opportunities aren't a major concern.) The victim and the accused have convincing and plausible accounts of the incident. The party who was hurt denies any robbery attempt. This is the sort of situation that you see on TV. If our loved one goes to court, he has a significant chance of jail time. There is time for my relative to decide weather to take the deal or fight but his legal aid lawyer is recommending he accepts the offer. I have been asked for my opinion and it sure is a lot harder to give when it is a real life scenario! It may be my age, but I am leaning towards the guarantee of no jail time.

I prefer the weeks leading up to Christmas! Reality returns after Boxing Day! The weather yesterday allowed me to take my trike for a ride and I was reminded that I have spring to look forward to arriving! ! During my ride yesterday I stopped for a break at a mall. An older man shuffled towards me as I was taking off my helmet. He had a story to tell me about his brother owning a Harley trike in the early 60's. I listened, and I listened. and I listened. We have a tendency to speak with old people in a superficial, polite manner. We forget that they have interests and experiences at least as colourful as ours and they want to share.

IMO, keep advising as well as demonstrating through actions. They are listening. My father died 24 years ago and I often wish I could have 5 min alone with him now to tell him how well I listened! You don't fully value the wisdom of old people until you're old. This year I will strive to do a better job of helping my kids appreciate the context of my "advice". We joke about our age related decline but seldom talk about the impact this stage has on your values, priorities and state of mind.

I have men and women related to me who are in their 40's and semi dependent on mummy and daddy. This is a disservice to both generations. It is incumbent upon us to protect our children but independence needs to be the ultimate goal. Parental responsibilities like protecting our toddlers from pulling a pan off a hot stove are obvious. Nowadays, I believe supervising elementary school aged children to and from school is in this category and not in the bubble wrap category. We can still pass on our values but doing so may look a little different than how our parents made us independent.

I grew up in an urban environment and also walked a long way to school. There are too many tragedies that have robbed this healthy option from our children. I was an elementary school principal for 27 years and the risks to unsupervised children on their way to and from school are real. You can arm your children with all of the known road safety tips but these are of little use against a determined bad person. BTW I advise seniors to exercise safe behavior similar to those for young children. You may think you have experience and wisdom on your side but predators aren't after an intellectual discourse.

My Dad was an electrician and he was supportive and "old school" about my interest in electronics. When I was still of a single digit age, he would bring home old tube type radios and TV's for me to "fix" unsupervised in my basement hideaway A screwdriver used improperly in the back of a plugged-in tube type TV can throw you out of your chair was an early lesson! First hand experience was much more effective than warning labels or safety tips from my Dad! Ahhh, the special moments we remember....

A friend of my young neighbour took his first formal driving lesson after several hours behind the wheel of his father's Tesla. Apparently this lad's first driving experiences were with a vehicle set to one pedal operation and the complexity of stopping the gas powered instructor's car created some anxiety. I'm still grieving over the loss of my third pedal!

What is your passion? Most of us have an interest that not everyone shares. I appreciate and respect the research and the resulting synopsis of others. My wife and I will often find ourselves talking about a topic that is of no interest to the other. Sometimes it's a case of polite listening. Yesterday, I listened to a detailed explanation of how and why my wife chose to get her hair done that morning. I in turn explained the whys and how we need to maintain our new battery backup. Stifling or mocking each other's enthusiasm will ultimately bring hurt to ourselves. Karma?

I used my new battery powered backup for a trial run with my CPAP equipment last night. It surpassed my expectations. Battery technology has come a long way in our lifetime! Most reading this will remember using their tongue to test the strength of the 9v battery in their transistor radios! I wonder what our grandchildren will say to their grandchildren to make them giggle about the olden days!

My father's new '61 Chevrolet had the removable key feature and he typically left it the unlock position. He quit using this convenience after he was parked near an identical car that was owned by a person who also left his ignition unlocked. My Dad discovered he had picked the wrong car when on his way home and was able to switch back unnoticed.

Yes, almost all of us are short and good looking! I grew a beard this fall and now I find myself even less distinguishable! I use to tease my wife that she was impossible to find when we become separated in Costco because she blends in with all of the other senior ladies. Now my balding head and full white beard is a perfect disguise for me. Hohoho I muse with her if one of us accidently took the wrong person home, how long would it take to notice?

I ordered a battery power station to operate my cpap and other items during future power outages. These are tough to shop for as there are so many sizes and configurations available. Now I'm looking at solar panels to charge my new power station! In the case of both the battery packs and solar panels, the prices creep up in increments that tempt you to buy the next size up! I started looking to power my cpap and soon started looking to add enough power to run my coffee pot. For a little more, I can run my modem and charge my phone! Last night a news item about the homeless getting very cold appeared on my 65" TV which I'm wondering if it should have backup power... It is so sad that I'm looking to protect myself from an interruption in my daily comforts while so many are looking for relief from everyday life of going without basic needs. I need to upgrade my charitable donations more than backup power for my non-essentials!

Well said! When my parents were dealing with issues like these, I supported them in a manner based on my my understanding and experience of the day. Now that I'm living with some of the challenges they were facing at the time, I would do some things differently.

It is great that all of your experiences with assisted living facilities have been positive. Mine haven't but I am aware of, and have visited, several resort themed facilities. We currently have a close 92 year old friend living in such a place. We have spent a lot of time there eating and participating in their activities. We could sell our home and live a life of luxury for as long as we have remaining in this beautiful lakefront resort. Our friend has lost most of her vision and living with family isn't an option. She'd far rather be living "off campus" independently and would be the first to discourage us from leaving our home. We also love a cruise but are always happy to be back home! She dines in five star fashion for three meals a day yet the best meal of her week is on Tuesdays sitting in my old recliner in my living room drinking my coffee and eating my wife's baking!

Not all seniors want to end their lives in an assisted living facility and not all assisted living facilities are suitable places to leave someone you love. Sometimes cost is a determining factor. Our current plan is to stay "at home" and receive home care as needed. Two of our parents died in their own beds and two in a facility. We were there for all four and the home experience was more peaceful for the patient and the family when the end happened.

We gave varying degrees of support to our parents as each of them were in their end of life stage. We tried to keep our own kids involved and aware in hopes to help them when it comes time to deal with us. It can be extremely stressful on a family to look after an aging parent and don't volunteer to do so if you aren't physically, mentally and financially healthy!

Good points, Karnut. It is hard to plan for every possibility but it sounds like you have your bases covered. We are also in pretty good shape. However, the unforeseen lurks in the background. We try to keep our options open and are very protective of our financial cushion. We aren't afraid to use these funds but having money in the bank gives us peace of mind. (Of course we can worry about, "What if something happens to the banks?") By the time you get to our ages, we have experienced loved ones come to the end of their time on earth. They have all left us with a piece of how we can best prepare for our final years.

My brother-in-law asked for my opinion on needed HVAC replacement for his large older home. He showed me a couple of estimates he received and I immediately had a case of sticker shock. An expense like this for us would wipe out our emergency funds or we would need to borrow the money. Either way, this motivated us to more actively consider retirement living options. Maintaining a home for occasional family gatherings is common but there usually comes a time when this is no longer sustainable. I think our in-laws are close to this realization and vicariously so are we!

I was in a liquor store yesterday and witnessed a man grab three bottles and walk out the exit proclaiming, "It's free"! The cashier called out to him and another employee chased the thief through the parking lot to no avail. I heard the cashier explain to her supervisor that she was busy helping me and didn't notice the brazen shoplifter until he was shouting at the door. I don't think the cashier appreciated that her comments about helping me could be interpreted as me being complicit in the theft! This grab 'n go shoplifting is often in the news and store employees are being advised not to chase the thieves. The news is quick to report on the good citizens that stop a thief and those who get hurt trying to stop a thief. Unfortunately, the latter seems to be winning. I know that the typical individuals committing these types of crimes are not watching the 6 o'clock evening news but somehow they are aware that shopping without paying is low risk. The reality is that the majority of us see this happening and aren't tempted in the slightest to try shopping without paying . I am of the belief that the raising the level of consequences for shoplifters when caught will discourage a commensurate amount of this behavior. If our toddler doesn't touch the element of a hot stove for fear of getting a hand slapped, this still gives the desired outcome. We hope that with time and guidance the toddler will internalize socially acceptable and safe behaviors.