MaverickZ71

A man walked into a store and told the cashier, "I’d like a hamburger and and a scoop of ice cream." The clerk looked at him and said, "Are you an American?" The man, clearly offended, said, "Well yes I am." But let me ask you something. If I had asked for fried chicken and watermelon, would you ask me if I was black? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? The clerk said, "Well, no, I guess not." "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I’m an American just because I asked for a hamburger and a scoop of ice cream?" The clerk replied, "Because this is Home Depot, Mr. President."

Pimpin' ain't easy.

Today was my first day working for Walmart as a greeter. It started out great but then a very mean, nasty, loud-mouthed woman walked into the store with her two kids. She was yelling obscenities at them through the entrance. Per my greeter training manual, I said very nicely, "Good afternoon and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?" The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they aren't twins. The oldest one is ten and the other one is six. Why in the hell would you think they are twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?" I replied, "Ma'am I'm neither blind or stupid. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-mart." That's how I got fired.

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If you get a link that says nude cheerleader photos, don't opin it. It is a virus wich deactivates your spelcheck and skrews up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dint opin it. Please warm you frends.

Earlier today I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker stepped up next to me. He grabbed my drink and gulped it down in one swig. He said very rudely, "Well, what are you going to do about it punk?" I said, "Oh man this is the worst day of my life, I'm a complete failure. I was late for a meeting this morning and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. Then, I found my wife with another man and my own dog bit me. I came to this bar to work up the courage to end it all. So, I bought a drink, dropped a capsule in it and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve, then you showed up and drank the whole thing! But, enough about me. How is your day going?"

I had 2 tickets for the Taylor Swift concert in my truck and someone broke my window and left me 4 more. Be safe out there!

And $1 education, along with $.50 talent and experience.

A young guy from North Dakota moved to Florida and went to a big "Everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son." The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?" The kid looks up at his boss and says "$251,237.65." The boss, astonished, says $251,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?" The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 GMC 3500 Duramax." The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"

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Three women die and go to heaven. When they get there, the apostle Paul says, “We only have one rule here in heaven. Do not step on the ducks.” So they enter heaven, and there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one! Along comes the apostle Paul with the ugliest man she ever saw. He chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this man!” The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes the apostle Paul. With him is another extremely ugly man. Paul chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all of this and is very careful where she steps. She manages to go several months without stepping on any ducks. But, one day the apostle Paul comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?” The guy says, “I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

2+ years later, after having the TSB performed, switching to Dexos-spec motor oil (not required on the 2009s), short-changing on the OLM-indicated oil change intervals, and deactivating AFM via a pcm tune, I can unequivocally state: WHY YES, YES IT IS.

Current GM light duty V8 engine oil spec is synthetic 0W-20. That's thinner than the tolerances in your (5W-30 semi-synthetic spec) engine were built for. That, along with extended service intervals, can contribute to the tick-tick. Keep in mind that dealers do not usually stock bulk oil (in barrels) in multiple viscosities. My GM Tech at my local dealer laughed at me 20 years ago when I was requesting 10W-40 conventional, 5W-30 synthetic, etc on the work orders. You get whatever bulk oil from a barrel they are currently pumping from--today's vintage is 0W-20 "full-synthetic", the cheapest they could buy. I used to cringe when a friend of the family took his Z06 Corvette in for service.

From a Ford F-150 Lightning forum: "Even their signs have to be towed!"