Twas the Cajun Night Before Christmas

[Shadowfax]

 

It was de night jus right befo' Christmas an' all down de bayou,

errytang was quiet; not even a nutria go pitty pat in de waduh.

An' inside my house, me an' my wife was flat poop out from all

dat Christmas preparatin, an' was jes 'bout ready to retire for

de night. Le petit garcon an' la petite fille, dat is our little

boy an' our little girl, was already fas' asleep on dere moss

mattress an' visions of de Fais Do Do dance tru dere heads, dem

lil darlins. Dem long john was hung by de log burner wit care in

hope dat St. Nicholas soon would brought hisself dere... Now dat

de scene is set, Qu'est-ce qui se passe?

 

Well, out dere on de bayou dere arose such a clatter, I jump from

my bed to see what was de matter. I run like de rabbit to got to

de door, an' I trip on de dog an' fall on de floor. But, when I

got dere finally, an' push away de sack an' peek tru de crack an'

look in de far away, what you tought I saw! Well, you can tought

youself again 'cause you ain't goin' believe dis, no! De moon,

she was magnifique how she shine on de cypress tree an' reflect

off de bayou. An' coming right up to me at my house was dis great

big fancy pirogue being drewed along by eight great big ole alimagator!

Inside, a little old driver in Santa Claus costume was movin' along

like some crawfish done snuck up his culottes. Fas like de duck he

fly, an' call out to his alimagator like so: "Got yourself a move

on, Alphonse, Gaston, Raul, Pierre." You see, he call dem each by name.

"Come on, Etienne, Alois, Alcide, an' Bozo. I'll make soup out you tail

if you don't got yourself a move on! You is some slow alimagator, yeah!"

 

Well, it's up on de rooftop dem alimagator dey climb; Saint Nick, in

his pirogue, he's right behind. An' up on de rooftop, it sound like

de hail when dem big alimagator dey flop down dere tail! As I tought

in my head, "What is he up dere for?," down the chimney Santa Claus

come wit a bang and land right on dem red hot coal in de fireplace!

Man, he got out dat fireplace some fast, I guarantee! An', I got to

see Santa Claus, an' I check him out pretty good cause you don't got

to see him in you house, you know, jus erry day! He was all dress up

in dried muskrat from his head to his foot, an' his clothes was all

mess up wit ashes an' soot. A sack full of playting he had on hung

his back; he look like a peddler what was jus about ready to open up

his pack. He had a broad grin an' a round little belly dat shook when

he laugh like a bowl full of jelly. His eyes, how dey shine; his

dimples how merry! He look like he bin drinking de wine from de

blackberry. Wit a wink of his eye an' a jerk of his head, I guarantee

you I know I ain't got nuttin to be 'fraid of, no! Well, he went fast

to his work an' fill dem long john wit erreyting what you could

tought of an', when he fini, he lay both hand on top his head; he

look at dat fireplace and done said, "Wit all dat fire an' dem red

hot coal, I ain't going back dat way, dat's for sure!" So, it's right

out de front door he go. He climb up on de roof and sprung to his

pirogue(pee-row) an' crack his big whip. Dem big alimagator, dey move out an'

not one make a slip. An' I heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight,

an' dis is what I want to pass along to you, dis lesson what I learn

from what happen to me like I'm told you from las year; I heard him

exclaim as he rode out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all and to all

a Good Night!"

[General Lee 01]

Well since we're going geographic....

 

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the 'hood. Not a Gunshot went off, The quiet-ness was good. The yule-logs were thrown in the fire-place like a wreck, In hopes that the house would burn down and I'll get my insurance check.

 

But all of the sudden, there arose such a sound. I screamed "Oh sh*t! it's a home invasion!" and proceeded to hit the ground. I grabbed me a weapon, I want to investigate this, Cause if a a crook's in my house, I'm gonna be pissed.

 

 

I creep into the living room, and.....Hey, what the H*ll?! Some thug had broken in, In a red suit, and wearing bells. I thought the Bell thing was kind of obsurd, I mean, when you do this kind of stuff, don't you want to be "un-heard"?

 

But then it occured to me, I got the feeling in my B***s. I said to myself "IT'S CHRISTMAS YOU JACKASS! AND THAT'S SANTA CLAUS!".

 

I creeped back away, and went back to bed. This Story is over, that's all to be said.

 

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS YALL!