40 Unwritten Rules to live by (Very Long)

Kania2k1 · March 5, 2002

This is kinda long:

1. Never ask a women if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex.

2. It is more important to have good health insurance than good health.

3. Don't bluff more than 3 times in a poker game with friends.

4. When 1 of the big bosses at work unexpectedly says something cheery and friendly to you, he means absolutely nothing by it. Not even if he's your father.

5. Wear as much black as you can. It makes you look slimer and cooler. But avoid black jeans.

6. When someone in your family is going through a divorce, always side with the blood relative.

7. Pointedly praising something unusual a person owns or has done will make you appear far smater in his eyes than a 10 minute discourse on world events.

8. Yes, speak softly and carry a big stick. But don't mumble and don't swing the stick.

9. The man who can't dance, can't converse, and can't provide psychological support to a woman is only half a man. The other half can't cook, can't clean, and badly wants a drink.

10. Don't get a visible tatoo larger than your penis.

11. Be aware that most people are operating on a very condensed version of the 10 commandments: The part about murder.

12. There will be a time when good neighbors are more important than a good neighborhood.

13. Telling a woman "You're a great person," is taken as a lead-in to a confession that you don't love her.

14. Trying to "teach someone a lesson", never works,

15. Easy on the mayo!

16. Be careful about discussing you hobbies, as most hobbies strike people as somewhat pathetic. The only try safe one's are fly-fishing and golf.

17. Never buy anyone a gift at a kiosk.

18. Never wear clothing that you co-workers avoid.

19. Don't bring your lunch to work.

20. Rainbows are God's way of reminding us that beaty is an optical illusion, except in sports cars.

21. You will never become a rock star.

22. As you go through life, you will notice more and more of the subjects you studied in college are useless, with the exception of abormal psych.

23. Never make any sort of generalization concerning gender, even if it's true God him/her self would back you up.

24. Telling a person in management that "I'm a bit of a philosopher," means your a total loser.

25. When running in the park on a hot day, do not take off your shirt if you are a really hairy sonofab*tch.

26. Never hesitate to admit the error of your ways, when under oath in federal court.

27. Always wear freshly laundered or pressed clothing to work.

28. Do not say hi to a perfect strange in any town with a population over 2000. The friendly gesture in Beaver Dam Falls is a scary act of agression in Boston.

29. Always imply, in every possible way that the person you're talking to is smarter, better-looking, slimmer, and more successful than they really are.

30. When choosing a bottle of wine to bring to a dinner party, spend between 10 and 15 dollars. That's for a bottle, not a gallon

31. Do not come on to the new female pastor, unless she winks at you during the sermon.

32. An ounce of appearance is worth a pound of substance.

33. The way a women looks, acts, and talks says nothing about how good she is in bed.

34. It's okay to admit that your accountant used his imagination and saved you $500 on you taxes, but never admit you saved $5 by refilling the vodka bottle with water.

35. Never get into a pissing match via email. If he forwards, you lose.

36. Never suggest to another person at the gym that he's not working hard enough to accomplish anything.

37. People who live in glass houses are idiots.

38. Going insane while watching a football game is a sign of mental health.

39. When a man meets another man, bonding begins whey they both say thing no one else hears.

40. The person who says to you "I want to get to know you better," is a person you don't want to know at all.