EXTRACT FROM A SOUTHERNER’S DIARY WHO MOVED TO MIC

mjsmith1223 · October 4, 2003

This is dedicated to all the southerners who've moved north over the summer and now find themselves facing old man winter for perhaps the first time in their lives. Enjoy!

Mike

Grand Haven, MI

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DEC 20. It's starting to snow. The first of the season and it's the first we've seen in years. The wife and I took our coffee and sat out on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.

DEC 24. We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both the driveway and our sidewalk. Later a snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the roadway. The driver smiled and waved - I waved back and shoveled it away again.

DEC 26. It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around -8 degrees, several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplow came by and did his trick again - much of the snow is now brownish - gray.

JAN 01. It warmed up enough today to create some slush, which soon turned to ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both our cars. Fell on my butt in the driveway - $200 for E.R. visit, luckily nothing broken. More snow and ice expected.

JAN 05. Still cold, sold the wife's car and bought her a 4X4 so she could get to work. Slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the front right fender. Had another 8 inches of white s**t last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush, more shoveling in the snow for me. That s**t head in the snowplow came

past twice today!

JAN 09. More f**king snow! Not a tree or bush on our property that has not been damaged. Power off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burnt the house down. I managed to put the flames out, but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands.

Lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. Car hit a f**king deer on the way to E.R. and was totally wrecked.

JAN 13. F**king white s**t keeps on coming down!! Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the mail box. If I ever catch that *hole who drives the f**king snowplow I'll chew his chest open and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish off shoveling and then comes down the road at a 100mph and buries our driveway AGAIN!

JAN 17. 10 more inches of f**king snow, sleet and ice. God knows how I am ever going to survive in this white s**thole. I wounded that f**king bastard of a snowplow driver with an ice axe, but he got away. My wife has left me, and the car won't f**king start. I think I am going snow blind. I can't move my f**king toes. I haven't seen the sun in weeks. More f**king snow is forecast, expected temperature -20 degrees. To hell with this I'm moving back to Houston where a man can breathe.