Jokes from Jon

[chevy4x4trucks]

Okay, well these are stolen off of my cousin's webpage ( http://viper4692.crosswinds.net ) so I'll give him some credit.

 

You give blonde's a bad name

 

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"

 

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

[chevy4x4trucks]

Cowboy Feast.

 

An Arizona cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful, so he asked the waiter, "What is that you just served that fella over there?"

 

The waiter replied, "Ah, senor, you have excellent taste! Those are the bull's testicles from the bullfight this morning--A delicacy!" The cowboy, though momentarily taken aback, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"

 

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, senor. There is only one serving per day, because there is only one bullfight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!" The next morning, the cowboy returned and placed his order; then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After taking a few bites and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called the waiter over and said, "These are delicious, but they're much, much smaller than the ones you served yesterday! Why is that?"

 

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, senor, sometimes the bull wins."

[chevy4x4trucks]

Gardening

 

Dan and his wife were working in their garden one day when Dan looks over at his wife and says,"Your butt is getting big-I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue!"

 

With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measures the grill and then goes over to where his wife is working and measures her bottom. "Yeah, I was right! Your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The wife chooses to ignore her husband.

 

Later that night in bed, Dan is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife, who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers,"Did you really think I was going to fire up this big-butt grill for one little weenie?"