airline humor

[96Z71asskicker]

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave

your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

 

 

2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am

going to

switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but

please stay inside the plane till we land...it's a bit cold outside, and

if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

 

 

3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope

you

enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a

ride.

 

 

4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National,

a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 

 

5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a

flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when

opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,

sure

as hell everything has shifted."

 

 

6. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest

Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into

the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and

if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in

public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,

oxygen masks

will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull

it

over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure

your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two

small children, decide now which one you love more.

 

 

7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but

they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and

remember,

nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

 

 

8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an

emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

 

 

9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your

belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the

flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

 

 

10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

 

 

11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have

some

of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of

them are on this flight...!

 

 

12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a

particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain

was really having to fight it After an extremely hard landing, the

Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,

welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts

fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the

gate!"

 

 

13. Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to

the terminal."

 

 

14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had

hammered

his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which

required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers

exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said

that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the

passengers in the

eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone

had

gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She

said, "Sonny, mind if I as you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the

pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we

shot down?"

 

 

15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant

came

on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until

Captain

Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up

against

the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are

silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the

wreckage

to the terminal.

 

 

16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to

thank

you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the

insane

urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we

hope

you'll think of us here at US Airways."

[R Dogg 56]

 

[Kania2k1]

Some of those are cool, but I think I'd be a little freaked out if after a bumpy landing the crew said something to the effect of broken plane parts.

[MarkD]

Some good ones there.

[MiSdIrEcTeD_1]

As a pilot myself, im always laughing at any kind of aviation humor... Some funny stuff, thanx!

[greyghost03]

Good stuff!

[k1500chevy97]

Good s**t man