Newbie's "Lighter Side of Trucks Forum'...Page 2

NewbieZ71 · January 9, 2002

Jpshostr · January 9, 2002

Oh no!! Not Prancer!!!!

chevy4x4trucks · January 9, 2002

Oh no!! Not Prancer!!!!

What are you talking about, that's obviously blitzen

DigUout · January 9, 2002

Actually, I think that's Cupid. Obviously he's just resting up for Valentine's Day -

Kansas Kid · January 10, 2002

Saving myself

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis.

After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you." she said politely.

"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I

meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said.

"But, it has my husband pretty upset."

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Little Johnny

One day a teacher asks her students if they know anything about whales.

Little Johnny raises his hand and replies, "They are big and can eat

people." The teacher replies, "Yes, they are big, but it is

physically impossible for them to eat a human since they have a small throat.

"Little Johnny replies, "But the bible says Jonah was eaten by a whale!"

The teacher is annoyed and responds again that it is not possible.

Johnny, who is now upset, replies, "When I go to heaven, I will ask Jonah if

he was swallowed by a whale." The teacher equally upset asks,

"What if Jonah is in hell?" Little Johnny responds, "Then you ask him."

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Gone Fishing

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says: " Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box.!"

Jpshostr · January 10, 2002

There are two sure ways to spot a sexy man.....the first is they have bad memories and the second is...I forgot. ...

Kansas Kid · January 10, 2002

Even I wouldn't be dumb enough to try this, but it is hillarious!

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing.

And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed.

The very next day the we went shopping at a big unnamed department store... I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to

which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the

spring thaw.

siume99 · January 10, 2002

That's awesome Kansas! LMAO

Kansas Kid · January 11, 2002

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

* Wine her,

* Dine her,

* Call her,

* Hug her,

* Support her,

* Hold her,

* Surprise her,

* Compliment her,

* Smile at her,

* Listen to her,

* Laugh with her,

* Cry with her,

* Romance her,

* Believe in her,

* Cuddle with her,

* Shop with her,

* Give her Jewelry,

* Buy her flowers,

* Hold her hand,

* Write love letters to her,

* Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.

* Bring chicken wings and beer.

Jpshostr · January 11, 2002

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.

* Bring chicken wings and beer.

Doesn't she also have to turn on the football game?

Kansas Kid · January 11, 2002

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.

A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." This is not a phrase we men normally use so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.

When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said,"Your fly is open." He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door." He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said,

"When you saw my barracks door open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"

The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no. I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags!!!

Kansas Kid · January 11, 2002

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your Grandma’s the best sex in town!”

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy in the middle ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy and says, “I just did your Grandma, and it was suh-weeet!” Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, the drunk returns and announces, “And your Grandma liked it!” Finally the guy interrupts...”Go home Grandpa, you’re drunk!”

General Lee 01 · January 11, 2002

This may sound corny to yall, but I think it's funny.

POTTY TRAINING

A Elementary Janitor was mopping the floors in the boys room when a Boy comes up and uses the urinal. After the boy is finished, the janitor looks up and notices that the boy completely missed his mark and hit the floor. Janitor says "Boy! What are you doing?! Don't your parents teach you how to use the bathroom?!". Boy Goes "No sir, they never teached me a thing about using the potty.". So the Janitor shudders it off and mops the floor, the boy takes notice.

The Next day, the janitor is in there again, and the same boy walks in and does the eexact thing he did the day before, completely misses. The Janitor is getting annoyed, he goes "Boy! Tell your parents to teach you how to use the bathroom properly, I don't want to clean up your pee ever again! Do you hear me!". "Yes Sir." the boy said. and walked away, glancing at the janitor and his Mop n' Bucket.

So 3rd day, the janitor is in the boys room, when the boy runs into the bathroom yelling "Mr. Janitor! I've finally figured it out!". "That's great sonny.", boy goes on... "I didn't even have to have ANY assistance at all from my parents!". "That's wonderful! Why don't you go ahead and utilize your training?" Janitor said. "Yes sir" the boy went.

The boy walks over to the mop buckett and whizzes in it. "WHAT IN THE SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING?!" janitor screamed. Boy replied "I'm taking out the middle-man."