And for my 700th post

silverado man · February 27, 2002

> Understanding Engineers - Take One

>

> Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where

> did you get such a great bike?"

>

> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding

> my

> own business when a beautiful woman rode up

> on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes

> and said, "Take what you want."

>

> The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably

> wouldn't have fit."

>

> - ----------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Two

>

> To the optimist, the glass is half full.

> To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

> To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

>

> - ----------------------------------------------------

> Understanding Engineers - Take Three

>

> A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer

> fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15

> minutes!"

> The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but

> I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the

> greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

>

> "Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather

> slow,

> aren't they?" The greens keeper replied,

> "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving

> our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we

> always let them play for free anytime."

>

> The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I

> think I will say a special prayer for them

> tonight."

>

> The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

> buddy and see if there's anything he can do

> for them."

>

> The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

>

> - --------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Four

>

> There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things

> mechanical. After serving his company loyally

> for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company

> contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible

> problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines.

> They had tried everything and everyone else to

> get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on

> the

> retired engineer who had solved so many of

> their problems in the past.

>

> The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the

> huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day,

> he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine

> and

> said, "This is where your problem is." The

> part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company

> received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for

> his service.

>

> They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer

> responded

> briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where

> to put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in

> peace.

>

> - -----------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Five

>

> What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

>

> Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

>

> - -----------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Six

>

> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible

> designers of the human body.

>

> One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

>

> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has

> many thousands of electrical connections."

>

> The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a

> toxic waste pipeline through a recreational

> area?"

>

> - --------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

>

> "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

> Engineers

> believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't

> have enough features yet."

>

> - -Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

>

> - ---------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

>

> An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was

> better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

> The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid

> foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist

> said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery

> he found there. The engineer said, "I like

> both."

>

> "Both?" they asked. Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,

> they will each assume you are spending time

> with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

>

> - --------------------------------------------------

>

> Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

>

> An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and

> said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a

> beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his

> pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If

> you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with

> you

> for one week." The engineer took the frog

> out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog

> then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me

> back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again

> the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it

> and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the

> matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess,

> that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't

> you

> kiss me?"

>

> The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a

> girlfriend, but a talking frog! Now that's cool!

Id hate to be an engineer they think too much.

antig24 · February 27, 2002

LOL

Jpshostr · February 28, 2002

Hey now, watch what you're saying about engineers there buddy. Some of those just aren't true, nor funny.

silverado man · February 28, 2002

they are all true there buddy at least for some of the engineers that I work for.

Kansas Kid · February 28, 2002

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Now isn't that the truth! LMAO!

But I agree with Jp, better watch the engineer jokes around here. I can think of 5-6 of them off hand, with several of us studing in it. Fortunately, I don't think any of us fit into these jokes.

ekonk · February 28, 2002

I'm another one of those engineering students here, and some of those jokes are a bit too close to reality...

Of course, I've had all of them emailed to me several times over the years.....sometimes by the same people more than once....Who would definitely go for a talking frog or a bike over a girl any day....