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Funny Quotes

Shaners

By Shaners
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Shaners Senior Enthusiast

Shaners

Posted
Posted

Question: If you could live forever, would you and

> why? Answer: "I would not

live forever, because we should not live forever,

because if we were

supposed to live forever, then we would live

forever, but we cannot live

forever, which is why I would not live

forever,"--Miss Alabama in the 1994

Miss USA contest.

``````````````````````````````````

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving

kids

all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd

love to be skinny like

that, but not with all those flies and death and

stuff." --Mariah Carey

````````````

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very

important part of your

life,"--Brooke Shields, during an interview to

become Spokesperson for

federal anti-smoking campaign.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part

of my body," --Winston

Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

`````````````````````````````````````````````

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the

lowest crime rates in

the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

`````````````````````````````

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through

our papers. We are the

president."--Hillary Clinton commenting on the

release of subpoenaed

documents.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to

death by a jackass, and I'm

just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate

in Texas.

````````````````````````````

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great

country away from them.

There were great numbers of people who needed new

land, and the Indians were

selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John

Wayne

```````````

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Philly's manager,

Danny Ozark

``````````````````````````````````

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.

It's the impurities in

our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore,

Vice President

```````````````````

"I love California. I practically grew up in

> Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

``````````

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds

could go one way or

another"--George Bush, US President

``````````````````````

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much

> clean air do we need?"--Lee

Iacocca

```````````

"I was provided with additional input that was

radically different from the

truth. I assisted in furthering that version."

--Colonel Oliver North, from

his Iran-Contra testimony.

`````````````````````````````````````````

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A

genius is a guy like

Norman Einstein."--Joe Theisman, NFL football

quarterback &sports analyst.

````````````````````````````````````````````

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply

exclude certain types of

people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

`````````````````````````````````

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

--Bill Clinton, President

``````````````````

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or

may not occur." --Al Gore,

VP

``````````

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come

from overseas." --Keppel

Enderbery

```````````````

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March

1992 because we received

notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You

may reapply if there is

a change in your circumstances." --Department of

Social Services,

Greenville, South Carolina

````````````````````````````````````````````

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this

jack in at night as they

go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout

the night. And the

next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a

record." --Mark S.

Fowler, FCC Chairman

tps0424 Enthusiast

tps0424

Posted
Posted
There's a whole lot of people who need to learn to think before they speak.  I hope it doesn't happen too soon though.  Those were FUNNY! :devil:
sincityZ71 Senior Enthusiast

sincityZ71

Posted
Posted
"I was provided with additional input that was

radically different from the

truth. I assisted in furthering that version."

--Colonel Oliver North, from

his Iran-Contra testimony.

`````````````````````````````````````````

:chevy: I like that one.  I will have to remember that one in case I am ever questioned by a Senate committee... :thumb:

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