UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS

[MarkD]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

 

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,

"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,

"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a

beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the

ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

 

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes

probably wouldn't have fit."

 

 ====================================

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

 

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is

half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

====================================

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

 

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a

particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with

these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor

chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The

pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word

with him."

 

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather

slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a

group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse

from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

 

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I

think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

 

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my

ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

 

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

 

  ====================================

 

 Understanding Engineers - Take Four

 

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all

things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years,

he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him

regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with

one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything

and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail.

 

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so

many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the

challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the

end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component

of the machine and said, "This is where your problem is." The part was

replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received

a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an

itemized accounting of his charges.

 

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to

put it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in

peace.

 

  ====================================

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

 

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil

Engineers?

 

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

 

  ====================================

 

 Understanding Engineers - Take Six

 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the

possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical

engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an

electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of

electrical connections."

 

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a

toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

 

  ====================================

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

 

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough

features yet."

 

  ====================================

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

 

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was

better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said

he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an

enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,

because of the passion and mystery he found there.

 

The engineer said, "I like both."

 

"Both?" they asked.

 

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each

assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to

the lab and get some work done."

 

====================================

 

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

 

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him

and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He

bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up

again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful

princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the

frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a

princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the

engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his

pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you

I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do

anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

 

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a

girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[Firetiger(MN)]

As an engineer myself, I always enjoy those emails....now I must get back to the lab with my new bike and talking frog.

 

 

 

:thumb:

[cowboy02]

Not bad not bad........

[bummed-n-Md]

While I was on Active duty there was a story floating around about an older technician who did final calibaration and alignment for the F/A-18 Heads up displays(HUD) reticle.

 

For all the years he worked there, vitrtually every HUD came out of the shop perfectly aligned.  After he retired, the more and more HUDs were coming out mis-aligned and production was falling off.

 

The test stand was a multi-million dollar 'pillar' mounted on a multi ton concret block for stability alligned to be prefectly level, flat, verticle, etc.  They spent millions testing and surveying the piller and the alignment fixtures to make sure everything was accoring to spec.  HUDs still failed.

 

They called this guy back in.  "How come yours are always right and ours are all off?"  He said "don't know".  They then asked him to align one and recorded his procedures step by step.  When he got to the actuall alignement step, he did not use the 'pillar', he simply sighted throught he glass and adjusted it.

 

"When do you use the pillar?"

"I never use that thing, takes too long to set up each test and is a pain to use. Some college boy engineer must have designed it".

 

When they asked him how did the alignments, he pointed out the window and said, "The same way I used to to do the F-4 reticles, I just look through the reticle and align the marks with that water tower out there. Works every time."

 

This may be a 'legend' but it was interesting that it started to be heard right around the time the HUDs started to not have alignement problems.

 

bummed.