Post Your One Liners Here Folks!

[Zembonez]

OK

 

Here's the deal. Post your one liners. Keep them somewhat out of the gutter but at least worth reading, and let's see how long this can go without "discussion" being added in.

 

I'll start with a couple of my favorites:

 

Pick up line:

 

"If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning"

 

OR maybe:

 

If ignorance is bliss... you must be having a life-long orgasm.

[tobias]

My Favorite:

 

I'm going to have sex with you tonight one way or the other so you might as well be there.

[tobias]

Me: Hi, I'll take it now.

Her: Huh?

Me: I'll take it now.

Her: You'll take what?

Me: That blow job you're gonna give me. I'll take it now.

[Zembonez]

Rodney Dangerfield:

 

• A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
  
• I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  
• I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
  

 

[alaska511]

What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

[carneyman]

Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...

 

Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?

 

Hi, do you want to have my children? No? OK then, can we just practice?

 

I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent.

 

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

[tobias]

If you aren't down with casual sex we can get dressed up.

 

Hi, I'm not Jeff.

[Darkanion]

Someone I know was recently pulled over for speeding. This was the initial exchange between the officer and the alleged speeder :

 

Alleged speeder : "What was I doing?"

Police officer (in shocked surprise) : "You were doing 90!! In a 65!"

 

[pennzoil29]

improvise, adapt, you over come.

[Woodcutter]

Two bumper stickers I once saw:

"Hug a logger. You'll never go back to trees."

 

"Strip-mining prevents forest fires."

 

Also, a good piece of advice:

Never cook bacon in the nude.

[VMax2007]

Silence..............I Keel You.

[lsorah0001]

Silence..............I Keel You.

 

Jeff Dunham...funny man!

[lsorah0001]

Those pants are becoming on you...Of course, if I were those pants, I'd becoming on you too.

[VMax2007]

Those pants are becoming on you...Of course, if I were those pants, I'd becoming on you too.

 

Careful now, ^^^^^ Daddy may think you're talking to him.

[Controller]

 

I seen this on a snowmobile trail sign in northern Wisconsin last year, I thought it was kinda funny.