Preparing The Bird

jjohns · November 17, 2009

Having been married for 10 years she was used to the routine. Every morning at 6:00 AM he would pass gas something awful. He was so regular she could set her clock by it. And of course, at least once per week he would pull the covers over her head before he did it. Trapping her in the stench. As he laughed his head off, she tell him that one day he would $#!t his guts out if he kept it up.

At least this morning she would not have to deal with it. She was up early to fix the Thanksgiving meal. As she was cleaning the bird and preping it for the stuffing, she hatched an evil plan. She placed all of the entrals, gizzard, heart, and othe leftover stuff from the bird into a bowl. Carrying the bowl with her she snuck upstairs and into the bedroom, she lifted the covers, and carefully emptied the bowl there between his legs. She quietly went back downstairs to continue preparing Thanksgiving dinner.

As expected at 6:00 AM she hears the "trumpet" call of her loving husband. A few short seconds later, she hears him scream and then frantic footsteps across the floor toward the bathroom and then a slamming door. She could barely contain herself. She went on preparing the meal, waiting for him to come down and acknowledge that she had finally gotten even. However, after about 30 minutes went by without him coming out of the bathroom, she began to get worried. As she reached the top of the steps and started for the bathroom door, the door opens and out he comes. Covered from stomach to toe in blood from the entrails. Before she could speak, he blurts out "Honey you were right. I finally $#!t my guts out. But by the grace of God and these two fingers I was able to get them all back in".