Our Poor Government

[pipermaru9]

Subject: Our government at work

 

 

Our government at work

 

The following is an actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries from the Michigan

Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.  Wait till you read

this guy's response -- but read the entire letter before you get to the

response.

 

***********************************************

 

Mr. Ryan DeVries

2088 Dagget

Pierson, MI 49339

 

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

 

Dear Mr. DeVries:

 

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that

there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel

of

property.  You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor

who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of

two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

 

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.  A

review

of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

 

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation

of

Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and

Environmental

Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101

to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

 

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially

failed

during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream

locations.  We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and

cannot be permitted.  The Department therefore orders you to cease and

desist

all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow

condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream

channel.  All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31,

2002.

 

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a

follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.  Failure to comply

with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may

result

in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.  We anticipate

and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.  Please feel free

to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

 

Sincerely,

 

David L. Price, District Representative

Land and Water Management Division

 

***********************************************

 

RESPONSE

 

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

 

Dear Mr. Price,

 

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to.

 

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor

at

2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.  I am the legal owner and a couple of

beavers

are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two

wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.  While I did

not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would

be

highly offended that you call their skillful use of natural building

materials

"debris."

 

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam

project any time and/or any place you choose.  I believe I can safely state

there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam

resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam

determination and/or their dam work ethic.  As to your request, I do not

think

the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to

the

start of this type of dam activity.

 

My first dam question to you is (1) Are you trying to discriminate against

my

Spring Pond Beavers or (2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State

to

conform to this said dam request?

 

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the

Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all those other

applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.  Perhaps we will see if

there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of

the

Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public

Acts

of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled

Laws,

annotated.

 

I have several concerns.  My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled

to

legal representation?  The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and

are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to

provide

them with a dam lawyer.  The Department's dam concern that either one or

both

of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that

this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect.

In

other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than

harassing them and calling their dam names.  If you want the stream

"restored"

to a dam free-flow condition, please contact the beavers - but if you are

going to arrest them be aware that they obviously did not pay any attention

to

your dam letter due to inability to read English.

 

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their

unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water

flows downstream.  They have more dam right than I do to live and enjoy

Spring

Pond.  If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection

lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and

the environment (Beavers' Dams).  So, as far as the beavers and I are

concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement

action

right now.  Why wait until 1/31/2002?  The Spring Pond Beavers may be under

the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to

contact/harass them then.

 

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental

quality (health) problem in the area.  It is the bears.  Bears are actually

defecating in our woods.  I definitely believe you should be persecuting the

defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.  If you are going to

investigate

the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they

dump!)

 

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact

you

on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your day office

via another government organization - the dam USPS.  Maybe, someday, it will

get there.

 

Sincerely,

 

Stephen L. Tvedten, Landlord

The University of Texas at Austin Office Community

[gandolphxx]

This is dam good - hope the beavers get time off for good behaviour

[Guest Friz]

Dam Funny!