Rules For City Folk

lauriet1 · April 26, 2002

That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drivebecause I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.

Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport.

You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways-35 goes the other two. Pick one.