You might be a farmer if....

Jpshostr · May 4, 2002

Your dog rides in the truck more than your wife

You convince your wife that an overnight, out of province trip for equipment parts is a vacation

You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations

You have ever had to wash off in the back yard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house

You've never thrown away a 5 gallon bucket

You have used baling wire to attach a license plate

You have used a chain saw to remodel your house

You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population,herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday

You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a peace of equipment

You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops

You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway

You have buried a dog and cried like a baby

You have used a tractor front-end loader as scaffolding for roof repairs

You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers,and peel apples.

You wave at every vehicle whether you know them or not.

You always look when a vehicle passes your house, even at night.

You have used something other than paper as a toilet tissue.

You refer to farms by who owned them 50 or more years ago

You give directions to your farm by using area landmarks, not road numbers

Your wife agrees to observe Mothers' Day after the beans are planted

You have animals living in buildings more expensive than your house

Over 50% of your clothing came from feed or seed dealers

Family weddings and special events are planned around spring planting and fall harvest

You've been stopped by the police for a cluttered dashboard

The rusted out areas of your truck are sealed off with old T-shirts

You know checkoff is not a Russian diplomat

Your family instantly becomes silent when the weather comes on the news

You pick up all the free stuff at the State Fair.

You'll skip your cousin's funeral for the first day of deer season.

You can eat an ear of sweet corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.

You don't bother to clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer, and the dog knows to stay out of your way.

You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.

It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.

You can tell the difference between the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feed lot.

The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him.

You consider a building a mall if it's bigger than the local Wal-Mart.

Your husband drives a friend home from the bar when he only lives 3 houses away.

You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.

You know cow pies aren't made of beef.

Your early morning prayer covers rain, cattle, and pigs.

You consider a romantic evening driving through Hardees and renting a hunting instructional video.

You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.

You can tell it's a farmer working late in his field, know who it is, what they're doing, and not think it's a UFO.

Your nearest neighbor is in the next section, and you know what a section is.

You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.

You actually understand the geographical neccesity of correction lines

Your other vehicle is a Case IH or John Deere

You have enough ball caps to match every shirt you own, but you only wear one so you don't get the others dirty.

During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.

You are related to more than half the town.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do.

Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic.

You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.

You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.

There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.

The local gas station sells live bait.

You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.

You get up at 5:30 am and go down to the coffee shop.

You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.

All your radio-preset buttons are country.

You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.

Using the elevator involves a grain truck.

You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light.

Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.

You know the code names for everyone on the CB.

You wear your boots to church.

It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.

You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of feedlot apart.

You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping.

Your main drag in town is two blocks long.

You defend the beauty of being able to see the next town which is 20 miles away.

And finally, if given $1,000,000 you would keep right on farming. You'd farm differently, but you'd keep farming because that is who and what you are.

sincityZ71 · May 5, 2002

Lol...it is amazing how so many of those are true. Definately sounds like my family, even I have done some of those things in my time back there.

pacodiablo · May 7, 2002

i have done/do/fall under none of those! i am definately not a farmer. i do go to wal-mart on saturday (and sundays), but i hate it.

silverado man · May 7, 2002

yep funny how most of those are true about me too. :lookaround: :ehh:

doverarjim · May 8, 2002

JP you missed the one that I use all the time. If giving directions to your house include the words "cattle guard" or "fork in the road" by the way I use both everytime I give directions!!!