How to tell what the temperature is

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65 Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

  60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

  50 Miami residents turn on the heat

  45 Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

  40 You can see your breath

       Californians shiver uncontrollably

       Minnesotans go swimming

  35 Italian cars don't start

  32 Water freezes

  30 You plan your vacation to Australia

  25 Ohio water freezes

       Californians weep pitiably

       Minnesotans eat ice cream

       Canadians go swimming

  20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless

       New York City water freezes

       Miami residents plan vacation further South

  15 French cars don't start

       Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

  10 You need jumper cables to get the car going

    5 American cars don't start

    0 Alaskans put on T-shirts

 -10 German cars don't start

       Eyes freeze shut when you blink

 -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

       Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects

       Miami residents cease to exist

 -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you

        Politicians actually do something about the homeless

       Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

       Japanese cars don't start

 -25 Too cold to think

       You need jumper cables to get the driver going

 -30 You plan a two week hot bath

        Swedish cars don't start

 -40 Californians disappear

       Minnesotans button top button

       Canadians put on sweaters

       Your car helps you plan your trip South

 -50 Congressional hot air freezes

       Alaskans close the bathroom window

 -80 #### freezes over

       Polar bears move South

       Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game

 -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets