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Chuck Norris....

VMax2007

By VMax2007
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VMax2007 Senior Enthusiast

VMax2007

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There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

 

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

 

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

 

Chuck Norris can eat just one

Lay's potato chip.

 

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

 

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

 

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

 

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

 

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

 

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

 

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

 

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

 

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

 

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

 

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

97SierraGMC Senior Enthusiast

97SierraGMC

Posted
Posted

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he pushes the ground down.

 

nevermind i missed that one...

 

heres another one.

 

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he never cries.

stadt11 Senior Enthusiast

stadt11

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Posted

I miss Walker, Texas Ranger (I was waiting for the season where his truck was a newer Chevy/GMC).

cev103 Enthusiast

cev103

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Posted

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet, Water gets Chuck Norris!

cev103 Enthusiast

cev103

Posted
Posted

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

cev103 Enthusiast

cev103

Posted
Posted
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

 

FAIL. Look at post number 9. :lol:

 

 

Shit! Can't believe I didn't catch that. Lets try this again............

 

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

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