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Famous Unsolved Mysteries

Zembonez

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Zembonez Senior Enthusiast

Zembonez

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Famous Unsolved Mysteries (With Really Obvious Solutions)

 

The world is a magical place, full of mysteries science may never understand. It's also full of bullshit that people just make up to draw attention to themselves. At the heart of pretty much every "paranormal" phenomenon you find some lonely, attention-seeking soul, or several of them, willing to put a spooky little twist on an otherwise boring story. But it usually doesn't take a whole lot of examination to find the truth.

 

For instance...

 

The Dyatlov Pass Incident

 

dyatlov.jpg

 

On February 2nd, 1959, during the cold winter on Kholat Syakhl ("Mountain of the Dead") in Russia, nine intrepid ski hikers decided to do what they do best, which is ski hike, whatever the hell that is. On February 26th, the first of their very dead bodies turned up. Man, who would have thought such a tragedy could strike on "The Mountain of the Dead?"But it was the discovery of the campgrounds that added the icing to the creepy-as-**** cake. The ski hikers' tent was shredded. The skiers were scattered around the grounds wearing either very sparse clothing or just their underwear. Three of them were found with crushed ribs and fractured skulls, but no visible defense marks or other signs of a struggle.

 

Oh yeah, and one of the bodies was missing a tongue.

 

In case you weren't already on the phone with Mulder and Scully, trace levels of radiation were supposedly found on their bodies. The official statement on what happened was about as vague and ass-covering as possible, saying it was caused by an "unknown compelling force." In laymen's terms this means, "**** if we know." The story has become an internet sensation over the years, with many people blaming aliens, and then ghosts, and then the yeti, or possibly all of them working in tandem.

 

dyatlov4.jpg

"So we're agreed then: We tear up their tents, take a lady's tongue, and never tell a soul."

 

The Obvious Answer:

 

So there's six things that freak people out about this one:

 

1. The no-tongued woman

2. A mysterious orange tan on the dead bodies

3. The ripped tents

4. The hikers' lack of clothing

5. The crushing damage done to three of the hikers

6. The traces of radioactivity

 

The big fact that gets lost in the re-telling of this story is that the bodies weren't found until weeks later. It's not like somebody turned their back, then five minutes later all their friends were dead and half naked.

 

That makes the missing tongue a lot easier to explain. As disturbing as it may be, the first thing a scavenging animal is going to go for is probably the soft tissue of an open mouth, especially if it still smelled like the burrito the hiker just ate. Laying out in the sun surrounded by white snow for days also accounts for the weird tan. The trauma and the destroyed tent points to an avalanche. Their state of undress can be explained by paradoxical undressing, a known behavior of hypothermia victims when their brains start to freeze and malfunction. In other words, it's the kind of behavior you'd expect from a group of injured avalanche victims wandering around in the middle of the night in the freezing cold.

 

What about the radioactivity? Or stranger details that turn up in some accounts, like orange lights in the sky? Well, there's the fact that none of that stuff turns up in the original documents from the incident, and appears to have been added later by people who just can't resist making things spookier than they are.

 

It's those later accounts that have stuck in the public memory, because so many of the original reports were destroyed (this was the Cold War-era Soviet Union, which treated casserole recipes as state secrets). So none of the details on their own prove anything other than a tragic hiking accident. The conspiracy-loving public widely reject this, too busy lighting their torches and getting their pitchforks to go hunt down an, "unknown compelling force."

 

Otherwise known as "snow."

 

The Lost Roanoke Colony

 

roanoke.jpg

 

The Roanoke Colony was either the first permanent settlement in America, or an elaborate practical joke. Walter Raleigh sent the colonists there and then left them without supplies for three years, perhaps just to see what would happen. What he probably didn't expect was for the colony to just vanish. When new settlers finally arrived, none of the original colony remained at the settlement (except for the old skeleton of one guy) and the mysterious word "Croatan" was carved into a tree, right under, "Metallica Rules".

 

So, was it a UFO abduction? Perhaps the colonists were held in some kind of suspended animation and are still being anally probed to this very day.

 

The Obvious Answer:

 

That second group of settlers didn't really get the chance to investigate what happened to the original bunch, because a few years later an even bigger mysterious phenomena occurred: Blue-eyed, pale-complexioned Indians began showing up on nearby Croatan Island. So what to make of these mysterious children, who looked like they might have been the descendents of white/Indian mixed race parents? On CROATAN island?

 

It's almost as if, we don't know, a certain group of settlers realized their colony sucked, and went and found some natives nearby who seemed to know how to live off the land. And that they then left their shitty colony forever to go live happily ever after on Croatan Island, and to have impressive amounts of sex with the natives.

 

roanoke4.jpg

"Hey, like the nearby island. Whatever, I'm sure that's just a coincidence."

 

The Hopkinsville Goblin Case

 

goblin.jpg

 

In 1955, members of the Sutton family were out on their porch enjoying a relaxing visit/drinking binge with their good friend Billy Ray Taylor. Billy Ray decided to go out and get a drink of water from the well, when shit started getting weird. He ran back in to tell everyone he'd seen some bright lights in the sky and that everyone should come look. According to one member of the Sutton clan, upon stepping outside the Suttons-plus-one encountered:

 

"... a luminous, three-and-a-half-foot-tall being with an oversized head, big, floppy, pointed ears, glowing eyes, and hands with talons at their ends. The figure, either made of or simply dressed in silvery metal, had its hands raised." After seeing these figures coming out of the woods, showing the universal sign of surrender, the Suttons did the only thing they could do: try to kill their asses.

 

As they shot at the defenseless creatures with rifles, they claim to have heard clangs and ricochets as if the aliens were wearing some kind of metal armor. They said the aliens "flipped over and fled into the darkness when shot at."

 

The Obvious Answer:

 

This is a sketch of one of the aliens.

 

goblin4.jpg

 

This is a great horned owl.

 

goblin5.jpg

 

Look at the head of the "creature" then look at the head of the owl. Now, get really, really drunk. We're talking "mid-1950s rural Kentucky" drunk. Ufologist Renaud Leclet admitted, "It could be a misidentification of a pair of Great horned owls, which are nocturnal, fly silently, have yellow eyes, and aggressively defend their nests." Oh, and that sound of metal clanging and ricochets during the shooting? Get drunk and shoot towards a target in front of your tin chicken coup.

 

So it's either that, or there may still be an interstellar invasion force on the way to retaliate.

tobias Senior Enthusiast

tobias

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Jim, how about the mystery of WHAT THE F*CK is going on with the F*CKING COWBOYS? :D

 

If it weren't for the gratuitous cheerleader ass shots I'd have stabbed my eyes out to have not had to watch that mess. :P

Zembonez Senior Enthusiast

Zembonez

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Jim, how about the mystery of WHAT THE F*CK is going on with the F*CKING COWBOYS? :D

 

If it weren't for the gratuitous cheerleader ass shots I'd have stabbed my eyes out to have not had to watch that mess. :P

I forgot they were playing tonight. I take it they did not do well?

 

EDIT: OUCH! I guess the last game in Texas Stadium won't exactly go down in history huh? Does this mean no playoff picture for the pokes?

tobias Senior Enthusiast

tobias

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Jim, how about the mystery of WHAT THE F*CK is going on with the F*CKING COWBOYS? :D

 

If it weren't for the gratuitous cheerleader ass shots I'd have stabbed my eyes out to have not had to watch that mess. :P

I forgot they were playing tonight. I take it they did not do well?

 

 

Ha. I can't even explain it. Make sure to catch SportsCenter.

 

For the last game in Texas Stadium with all of the greats in attendance, it was an absolute embarrassment.

 

On a high note, I did pick up a Samsung BD-P2550 Blu-Ray player today with Netflix Streaming and Pandora Internet Radio. Now I need to get a new receiver. I'm thinking of the Harmon Kardon avr 254 or 354. Any thoughts?

tobias Senior Enthusiast

tobias

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Does this mean no playoff picture for the pokes?

 

It's still possible but Jeff's Viqueens need to come through and beat Atlanta tomorrow and Dallas needs to beat the Eagles next week.

Zembonez Senior Enthusiast

Zembonez

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Jim, how about the mystery of WHAT THE F*CK is going on with the F*CKING COWBOYS? :D

 

If it weren't for the gratuitous cheerleader ass shots I'd have stabbed my eyes out to have not had to watch that mess. :P

I forgot they were playing tonight. I take it they did not do well?

 

 

Ha. I can't even explain it. Make sure to catch SportsCenter.

 

For the last game in Texas Stadium with all of the greats in attendance, it was an absolute embarrassment.

 

On a high note, I did pick up a Samsung BD-P2550 Blu-Ray player today with Netflix Streaming and Pandora Internet Radio. Now I need to get a new receiver. I'm thinking of the Harmon Kardon avr 254 or 354. Any thoughts?

 

Personally... I'd not pick the HK. I listened to them when I bought my Denon but there was NO comparison in my opinion. If you intend to use the internal amps. the Denon has a lot more low end and overall range. I have a Denon 3806 which is now a couple of years old but it is fantastic. (it has been replaced by the 3809 I believe) I only use the internal amps for my center and two surrounds. I have Adcom monsters for the subs and mains. Processor wise and for sheer quality of reproduction, the Denons are really hard to beat unless you spend $5000.00 on some seperates... Denon's processing for movies is amazing stuff.

 

I would at least look at the Denon AVR2809CI. I think it is similarly priced as the HK354 and it is an amazing piece sonically and has all of the bells and whistles.

 

DENON RECEIVER

 

I've had Yamaha, and Onkyo surround units previously. (The Onkyo is noow my soundcard amp for my PC in the computer room) Yamaha was light on amplification and had "thin" sound but worked well. (just didn't have that "right" sound)

 

Hope that helps.

VMax2007 Senior Enthusiast

VMax2007

Posted
Posted
Does this mean no playoff picture for the pokes?

 

It's still possible but Jeff's Viqueens need to come through and beat Atlanta tomorrow and Dallas needs to beat the Eagles next week.

 

 

Sorry, ain't gonna happen. The Viqueens are the "Chokemasters" and this year will be no exception. :D

Zembonez Senior Enthusiast

Zembonez

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Does this mean no playoff picture for the pokes?

 

It's still possible but Jeff's Viqueens need to come through and beat Atlanta tomorrow and Dallas needs to beat the Eagles next week.

 

 

Sorry, ain't gonna happen. The Viqueens are the "Chokemasters" and this year will be no exception. :D

 

I don't know Jeff... the Cowboys are doing a pretty good job of stealing that "Chokemaster" title this year.

VMax2007 Senior Enthusiast

VMax2007

Posted
Posted
Does this mean no playoff picture for the pokes?

 

It's still possible but Jeff's Viqueens need to come through and beat Atlanta tomorrow and Dallas needs to beat the Eagles next week.

 

 

Sorry, ain't gonna happen. The Viqueens are the "Chokemasters" and this year will be no exception. :P

 

I don't know Jeff... the Cowboys are doing a pretty good job of stealing that "Chokemaster" title this year.

 

 

True, since they do have a QB and a coach that isn't a complete f*cking idiot. :D

 

At least we have an excuse. :D

Zembonez Senior Enthusiast

Zembonez

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Does this mean no playoff picture for the pokes?

 

It's still possible but Jeff's Viqueens need to come through and beat Atlanta tomorrow and Dallas needs to beat the Eagles next week.

 

 

Sorry, ain't gonna happen. The Viqueens are the "Chokemasters" and this year will be no exception. :D

 

I don't know Jeff... the Cowboys are doing a pretty good job of stealing that "Chokemaster" title this year.

 

 

True, since they do have a QB and a coach that isn't a complete f*cking idiot. :P

 

At least we have an excuse. :lol:

 

We as Cowboys fans have had many shameful moments this year...

 

BTW Daddy... I saw the ESPN wrapup on that game. Pitiful. :D

VMax2007 Senior Enthusiast

VMax2007

Posted
Posted

Keep this in mind...

 

It has been exactly 10 years since the Viqueens, under Denny Green, with Randy Moss and co. went 15-1, beat the Cardinals in the Divisional round of the playoffs and then LOST to the FALCONS at home in the NFC Championship. Last week, they beat the Cardinals to get within one game of clinching the division, and now play the Falcons at home.

 

Coincidence? Hmmm?

 

History has a funny way of repeating itself......stay tuned. :D

rvsahs Senior Enthusiast

rvsahs

Posted
Posted
Keep this in mind...

 

It has been exactly 10 years since the Viqueens, under Denny Green, with Randy Moss and co. went 15-1, beat the Cardinals in the Divisional round of the playoffs and then LOST to the FALCONS at home in the NFC Championship. Last week, they beat the Cardinals to get within one game of clinching the division, and now play the Falcons at home.

 

Coincidence? Hmmm?

 

History has a funny way of repeating itself......stay tuned. :P

Yea, I remember that NFC championship game, I thought it would be Vikes all the way to the SB and maybe have a chance to make up for all of the those great teams from the 70's that didn't win it all.... at least we won't have to wait 3 months (as in your discussion with the clown) to see how things pan out! :D

VMax2007 Senior Enthusiast

VMax2007

Posted
Posted
Keep this in mind...

 

It has been exactly 10 years since the Viqueens, under Denny Green, with Randy Moss and co. went 15-1, beat the Cardinals in the Divisional round of the playoffs and then LOST to the FALCONS at home in the NFC Championship. Last week, they beat the Cardinals to get within one game of clinching the division, and now play the Falcons at home.

 

Coincidence? Hmmm?

 

History has a funny way of repeating itself......stay tuned. :fume:

Yea, I remember that NFC championship game, I thought it would be Vikes all the way to the SB and maybe have a chance to make up for all of the those great teams from the 70's that didn't win it all.... at least we won't have to wait 3 months (as in your discussion with the clown) to see how things pan out! :sigh:

 

 

Deja Vu all over again. :lol:

Zembonez Senior Enthusiast

Zembonez

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Keep this in mind...

 

It has been exactly 10 years since the Viqueens, under Denny Green, with Randy Moss and co. went 15-1, beat the Cardinals in the Divisional round of the playoffs and then LOST to the FALCONS at home in the NFC Championship. Last week, they beat the Cardinals to get within one game of clinching the division, and now play the Falcons at home.

 

Coincidence? Hmmm?

 

History has a funny way of repeating itself......stay tuned. :D

Yea, I remember that NFC championship game, I thought it would be Vikes all the way to the SB and maybe have a chance to make up for all of the those great teams from the 70's that didn't win it all.... at least we won't have to wait 3 months (as in your discussion with the clown) to see how things pan out! :sigh:

 

 

Deja Vu all over again. :D

 

HEY!

 

NO BAILOUT!

 

:lol::lol::lol::fume:

 

 

 

:rollin:

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