Sorrow

VR021302 · April 11, 2009

At 11:25am this morning, I recieved a call from my mom about my grandfather. He has been sick for a few years with diabetes, even had to amputate a leg a few years back. Well I was told on Thursday that he may be dying cause of extreme kidney failure. The call this morning was to inform me that he passed away. I have not seen him in a few years, and dont think I ever told him how much I loved him, or how much he meant to me. He was my dad's step-dad, but i never considered him anything other than my grandpa. He was a great man, grandpa, and husband to my Nanny Gordy. I now fear that my grandma will die shortly after, as couples sometimes follow each other within a year or so. I cant make it to San Antonio until the day of the funeral, whenever that may be, but my parents are leaving today, if not already. I dont know what to do, it is that much worse that I am at work and cant console my dad. I dont know what to do.

I cant even cry right now becasue of work, and it really f@#king sucks. I know this is long, and I dont care if anybody even reads or responds, I just need to vent.

Why does this always happen to good people, him, not me. I am so pissed off right now. I love that man more than he will ever know. First my dog, now my grandpa. If its true that this happens in threes, then who or what is next? I am scared, pissed, and sad all at the same time. It is so hard to hold back tears and to keep from punching the wall at the same time.

2000DV4.8 · April 11, 2009

That really sucks man, I felt the exact same way when my Grandpa passed last year. I never really spent much time with him since I was little, and I really wish I had gotten to talk to him more. The best thing you can do though, is spend as much time with your Grandma as possible. Visit her, call her, whatever, just make sure she has company.

pennzoil29 · April 11, 2009

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family Felix. Death is hard to take, and sometimes it takes along time to get over it. I don't think you'll find one person on this board make fun of you for wanting to cry. You're no less of a man if you cry. Sometimes, that can be the best medicine. Stay strong my friend, we're here for you.

L29er · April 11, 2009

really sorry to hear felix, i`ve had a few family members die over the years, its tough to admit but letting some tears escape helps, i agree with dan, visit your grandma, just be there for her and your folks...

nick44 · April 11, 2009

My grandmother passed away in 2007 when I was in Iraq. At the time I was a infantry man and we were supposed to be killers who never cried. When I got that message i lost it infront of all of my men. And those guys remind me of the people here.... they will give you shit all the time but when you need their support and prayrs they are there for you! mine and my families thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! If you need anything dont hesitate to pm me!

mattgob86 · April 11, 2009

Hey, that really is a bad deal Felix, but you don't have to worry about your grandpa not knowing how much you loved him now, because he already knows it. The best part is, he is most likely right there with you, knowing how much you are hurting. Do what you can do and dont fret over what you cannot help. Remeber the good times you had with him. Family is the best way to heal the loss, When you can, be with your parents and your grandma, that is the best medicine in this case. Again, very sorry for you loss and we are all here for you.

sgrah230 · April 11, 2009

Felix,

Very sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with Matt, I am sure your grandfather knew and knows how much he meant to you. Remember the good times you had with him and all of the memories that can never be taken from you.

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. We are all here for you.

VMax2007 · April 11, 2009

My condolences Felix. I am so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. Hopefully you can find peace knowing he is in a better place.

Stay strong bud!

99silveradoz71 · April 11, 2009

Sorry to hear it. Take comfort in his memories of you being the times you spent together. No worries venting here, you've got to let it out in situations like that. I remember doing a motorcycle escort at the request of a neighboring department for a soldier killed in Iraq. My partner and I were assigned to ride alongside the hearse. I was on the right, and as I passed people standing along the road with their children holding signs, I felt my eyes getting misty behind my sunglasses. Just have to let the emotions flow when they need to.

Darkanion · April 11, 2009

Felix, I'm sorry for your loss. If you need anything, give a yell, man!

Dukers · April 11, 2009

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family Felix. Death is hard to take, and sometimes it takes along time to get over it. I don't think you'll find one person on this board make fun of you for wanting to cry. You're no less of a man if you cry. Sometimes, that can be the best medicine. Stay strong my friend, we're here for you.

When I am really upset and I feel worthless and that nobody will understand or care or anything or for whatever reason, I just lock my door play some pink floyd (mostly wish you were here..) and just cry. Just let it out because it makes you feel so much better after. And crying really is the best medicine. And if anyone makes fun of you for crying, just give them the bird and tell em to f#$@ off.

Sorry to hear it. Take comfort in his memories of you being the times you spent together. No worries venting here, you've got to let it out in situations like that. I remember doing a motorcycle escort at the request of a neighboring department for a soldier killed in Iraq. My partner and I were assigned to ride alongside the hearse. I was on the right, and as I passed people standing along the road with their children holding signs, I felt my eyes getting misty behind my sunglasses. Just have to let the emotions flow when they need to.

Just let it go man. It'll be okay.

For all of you who don't know (probably all of you unless ive mentioned it in a thread somewhere..) my dad died 5 years ago this month.. I was 12 years old and in 6th grade. Obviously I'm not trying to out do you or make myself look better, I said that because my dad died in his sleep. Nobody saw it coming. He had been to the doctor and gotten work and studies done on his heart, but that is how he died - something went wrong in his heart. (too long to explain.) You can't punish yourself wondering if they knew you loved them. Of course they did. Sometimes (more like every day..) I catch myself wondering what if.. What if my dad was alive. What if he saw my truck. What if he saw me grow up. Would he have a beer with me and talk about his childhood? What would he say about the game last night? What would he think about how hard I work for such little reward? I catch myself thinking these things EVERY DAY. But you just CANT DO IT. Dont beat yourself up about not talking to your grandpa and telling him you love him. He knew that. Just like You know He loved YOU but didnt say it before he died. Ya know? You cant beat yourself up about stuff like that. And you ask, Why do bad things happen to good people? I ask myself that every day too.. and I don't know the answer. When you figure it out let me know. As far as the people dying in 3's, i TOTALLY agree with you. My dad died on a sunday (april 25, 2004) and on that prior friday i remember driving somewhere with him and my brother i think for a hunting license. and we heard news of pat tillman being KIA. someone else died close to my mom but i forgot who. But i mean, you never know man. Keep your head up. Cry. Do whatever. It'll be alright.

I just hope i helped a little...

PS: you can vent to me ANY TIME YOU WANT. even though im only 17, I try to be a good listener. I'll be happy to listen and give you my 2 cents if you want. Any day.