Message from the West Virginia Tourism Council

[Elwood]

Message from the West Virginia Tourism Council:

 

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when outsiders

enter West Virginia, our Tourism Council has adopted a new policy.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural West Virginian's

mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter

the state.

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1.That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than

you do all week at the gym.

 

2.It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're

going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive

because I need it.

 

3.We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

 

4.Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get

you whipped...by our women.

 

5.Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a

flathead fish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those

little 13-inch trout you fish for...BAIT.

 

6.Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

 

7.If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making

their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't

have it up to your ear at the time.

 

8.That's right. Whiskey is only $2.50 a drink. We can buy a fifth at

the IGA grocery store for what you paid in the airport for one

drink.

 

9.No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.

Order it well done. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off

the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, in restaurants you get sweet

tea by default. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a

long spoon. If you don't want sweet tea, say you want "unsweet tea".

 

10.You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served

over ice.

 

11.So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We

have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a

year.

 

12.Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop

when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

 

13.Our women walk on the inside, men walk on the outside. Yes, it

still keeps them from getting splashed. Men open the car doors for

the ladies and stand when one enters the room. So, you're a feminist. Isn't

that cute.

 

14.Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi

and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

 

15.They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Don't like it? Get

over it.

 

16.Interstate 64 goes two ways. Interstate 77goes the other two.

I-79--that goes catty corner. Pick one and use it accordingly.

 

17.The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a

religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

 

18.So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being

friendly. Understand the concept?

 

19.Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It

spooks the fish.

 

20.That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving

like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

 

Now, enjoy your visit to West Virginia!

[Guest Friz]

I love it!        

[General Lee 01]

Whoa there buddy! You've got it all wrong!  :plainsmile:

 

It's 3 packs of sugar. Get it right next time.

[SilveradoWV]

Thats Us!!!!!!!!!    ;)

[alliemaxwannabe]

Amen and pass the bacon!!!

[pacodiablo]

IGA is crap

[GreenRado]

Dang straight Elwood!  Good one!  

[HillHound]

3.Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

...and he was tasty! :laugh: Good post Elwood!

 

 

How about this for #21:

 

21. My weekend car is an ATV. It helps me get the h*ll away from the town when the weekend city slickers come to visit!

[LarryE]

How bout:

 

West Virginia:  Don't plan to haul any coal here because we hate it and plan to put every hard working coal miner out of a job because everyone bitches about the coal trucks on the road.