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North 'Vs South

MarkD

By MarkD
in The Off-Topic Bar

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MarkD Senior Enthusiast

MarkD

Posted
Posted

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the

South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to

the wonderful difference in lifestyles:

 

The North has coffee houses,

The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services,

The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,

The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names,

The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy,

The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has Indy car races,

The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,

The South has grits.

The North has green salads,

The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,

The South has crawdads.

The North has the rust belt,

The South has the Bible Belt.

 

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in

a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.

Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live

for.

 

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store...do

not buy food at this store.

 

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's is

plural possessive.

 

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

 

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't

understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a

transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective big'ol," truck

or"big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect

this way. All of them are in denial about it.

 

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

 

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

 

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should

stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever

say.

 

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest

accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery

store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have

to go there.

 

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they

are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

 

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is

to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

 

AND REMEMBER:

 

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will

accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven,

we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Truckman031 Senior Enthusiast

Truckman031

Posted
Posted
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will

accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven,

we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

 

 

For our sake, please don't settle down here.

cowboy02 Senior Enthusiast

cowboy02

Posted
Posted
For our sake, please don't settle down here.

Snicker...

Snickers?? Did someone say snickers??

 

Dang peanuts..............

greyghost03 Senior Enthusiast

greyghost03

Posted
Posted
For our sake, please don't settle down here.

Snicker...

Snickers?? Did someone say snickers??

 

Dang peanuts..............

Don't let hunger happen to you! :cool:

R Dogg 56 Senior Enthusiast

R Dogg 56

Posted
Posted
Do we have any Yankees on this site? I figured with their big mouths, they'd have something to say about everything. J/K.

I'm from the Upper Midwest, does that count? :thumbs:

Truckman031 Senior Enthusiast

Truckman031

Posted
Posted
Do we have any Yankees on this site?  I figured with their big mouths, they'd have something to say about everything.  J/K.

I'm from the Upper Midwest, does that count? :flag:

Not really. But you do post like a Yankee.

rado Enthusiast

rado

Posted
Posted
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should

stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever

say.

 

:flag::flag:

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