How to give a cat a pill...

[Scyry]

How to Give A Cat A Pill

 

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if

holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of

cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in

right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close

mouth and swallow.

 

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in

left arm and repeat process.

 

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

 

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear

paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of

mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

 

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call

spouse from garden.

 

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and

rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head

firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill

down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

 

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.

Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep

shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for

gluing later.

 

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just

visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force

mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

 

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Apply Band-Aid

to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and

soap.

 

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in

cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth

open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

 

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.

Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus

shot. Apply mouthwash to cheek to disinfect. Throw Tee shirt away and

fetch new one from bedroom.

 

12) Call fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the road.

Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid

cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

 

13) Tie the little creep's front paws to rear paws with garden twine

and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves

from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet.

Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill

down.

 

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while

doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right

eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

 

15) Arrange for SPCA to come get the cat, and call local pet shop to

see if they have any hamsters.

 

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How to Give A Dog A Pill:

 

1) Wrap it in bacon.

[facn8me]

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AAAAAAAAmen

[R Dogg 56]

[buck50]

i hate cats