Women jokes

[firerage101]

Why do women make bad driver's.

 

 

 

They dont get much practice driving since there isnt a road from the bedroom to the kitchen.

[lrymal]

I don't even catch the humor in that one.........

 

But, to make this a bit more fair, here's an old one:

 

----------------------------

 

Men and Women - Changing Oil in their cars

 

Oil Change instructions for Women:

 

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

 

Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $ 1.00 Total $21.00

 

Oil Change instructions for Men:

 

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $40.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.

12. Clean up mess.

13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

27. Drink beer.

28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.

29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

30. Drink beer.

31. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33. Begin cussing fit and throw wrench.

34. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December in the left boob.

35. Beer.

36. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

37. Lower car from jack stands and accidentally crush one.

38. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during

step 23.

39. Beer.

40. Test drive car.

41. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

42. Car gets impounded.

43. Make bail.

44. Get car from impound yard.

 

Money spent: Parts $40.00 DWI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00

Beer $25.00 Total $4140.00 ----

 

 

But you know the job was done right

[Island Timber]

LOL Larry!!!

[sc4808]

Why dosen't a woman need a watch?

 

There's a clock on the stove.

 

 

 

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

 

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

 

 

 

What does a woman do when she gets home from a batered wives meeting?

 

The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

[Draenor]

You got me down to a tee ,Larry

 

And woman get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!!

[General Lee 01]

I've discovered you can just do away with the kitty litter with one minor adjustment:

 

Step 1. Park car in the front yard

 

 

You guys are sooooo living in the past!