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Jpshostr

By Jpshostr
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Jpshostr Senior Enthusiast

Jpshostr

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance.

Smart man + dumb woman = affair.

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit.

Smart boss + dumb employee = production.

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion.

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime.

 

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

 

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can

spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men -- but married men are a lot

more willing to die.

 

MEMORY

Any married man should forget his mistakes -- there's no use in two

people remembering the same thing.

 

APPEARANCE

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

COMPREHENSION

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman....before

marriage and after marriage.

 

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs

and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started

doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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