Wife, Version 1.0

MiSdIrEcTeD_1 · November 22, 2002

Letter to tech support:

Tech Support:

I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began: Unexpected Child causing processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Drunken Boys Night 2.5, Saturday Football 5.0, and particularly Spend Money on Sports Car 9.0, no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me, please???!!!

Thanks,

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a “UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT” program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under “Warnings- Alimony/Child Support.”

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding “General Partnership Faults (GPF’s).”

You must assume all responsibility for faults and problem that might occur, regardless of the cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGISE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the “Esc” key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGISE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPF’s.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system. As for your favorite applications, I recommend un-installing them, as they are completely incompatible with any current Wife programs.

BDBWTE · December 5, 2002

That's good stuff..My dad got a kick out of that...the girl friend not so much...lol

nonstop · December 5, 2002

That's good stuff..My dad got a kick out of that...the girl friend not so much...lol

What ever you do DON'T upgrade Girl friend to Wife!!

elboberino · December 5, 2002

If you're lucky, you can get Mistress 9.0 which is a hidden application. Unfortunately, some versions of Wife 1.0 have detected the file and deleted it without the user's input. Also becareful of Mistress 9.0 suddenly becoming Wife 2.0. A few rare cases have popped up around the country and many times on bad soap opras. Thank you!

MiSdIrEcTeD_1 · December 5, 2002

Havent had any trouble lately with "girlfriend 7.0", after i deleted it from my hard-drive when I found out it was actually executing an operation with "another guy 2.0." I was so disturbed at the discovery of the hidden operation when I literally caught it in the act, that I installed "whoop-ass 8.0" to combat "another guy 2.0" and ended up with a near crash with "charges-pressed 1.0."

Thats been a few months now and with a little "corona-extra 1.0" and some time to work out all the bugs in my system, things are back to normal for the most part with the occasional "strip-club 2.0" to aid my "hard-drive."

My current projects include "red-truck 1.0" which I plan on upgrading to "Sport-truck 2.0" in the near future... :thumb:

nonstop · December 5, 2002

D@mn,

Theres no way to install mistress 9.0?

Wife 1.0 seems to have alot of GPF errors lately, causing a lot of port errors with a few Packet refusals, causing a "no-data flow condition."

I wonder if mistress 9.0 could some how be loaded into an unused area of my harddrive, perhaps in a dual-boot situation?

MiSdIrEcTeD_1 · December 10, 2002

Id be skeptical... It can be done but being that obviously Mistress 9.0 isnt anywhere near compatible with running along on the same hard-drive as wife 1.0 (wife 1.5 is a little freaky though and has been known to some users to operate along with mistress 9.0 at the same time! lucky bastiges)

But overall I would assume that wife 1.0 (being that it has "control" issues will seek out the mistress 9.0 program and destroy it, which could lead to possible complete termination of your hardrive; no matter how good of a programmer you think you may be, wife 1.0 periodically (once per month) goes into overdrive and runs a really thourough and mean search... Seeking and destroying whatever it comes into contact with that it hasnt been programmed to run with... Your hard-drive, though... Just my advice...YES, WIFE 1.0 IS A VIRUS!!!

AZ-Z71 · December 10, 2002

Too Funny!

I too just recently deleted wife 1.0 for executing an operation with "another guy 2.0". I'm looking for a new version of girlfriend 8.0 that won't try to automatically upgrade to wife 2.0 and take over all system operations.

MiSdIrEcTeD_1 · December 10, 2002

When seeking Girlfriend 8.0, be sure that it isnt just a previous upgrade version of the "shareware" mistress 9.0... If thats the case its possible it could be carrying a virus.