Joke Thread

AGT · November 15, 2010

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who this morning called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.

We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".

"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."

She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to **** off.

8.1HD/ALLISON · November 15, 2010

Lol, nice one.

2 condoms are walking down the sidewalk when they stop in front of a gay bar and the one says to the other, " wanna go in and get sh*t faced?"

Know how to tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same.... but the dishes start pileing up!

mxdirtrider56 · November 15, 2010

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day when the man looked over at his wife and said, "Your butt's getting huge. I bet it's bigger than the barbecue."With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill. Then he went over to where his wife was working and measured her butt.

"I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband felt a little frisky. He made some advances toward her, but she completely brushed him off.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She replied, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

Mckenzie · November 15, 2010

Can't let this stuff fly dude. GL-01

Metro12 · November 15, 2010

And here comes the LOCK!

Nick The Great · November 15, 2010

Yeah . . .

gregrocks89 · November 15, 2010

haha i like those, im not racist but the jokes make me luagh

General Lee 01 · November 15, 2010

No lock, just a slight admonish, and a Move of this thread to the Humor Section where it belongs.

[email protected] · November 15, 2010

It was supposed to .........from..... not .........in......., btw. Good joke though, grape! I really like this test, I almost failed. Test here.

Mckenzie · November 16, 2010

Can't let this stuff fly dude. GL-01

10 4 Lee i read you pm, but can't the joke stay because "This forum will be loosely censored, but keep it clean! No nudity!"

General Lee 01 · November 16, 2010

Good lord man, this is the first time in around a year that I've edited/deleted anything from anybody's posts on here. How much more loose can I get?

I understand where you're coming from (That line up there certainly leaves alot open for interpetation, don't it?). But I'm gonna have to stand behind the edit. Point being the Racial stuff is alot like the political and Religion based subjects we do not allow here. If we allow even the seemingly innocent jokes then the line gets blurred on what would be acceptable and what's not.

If somebody sees it and then takes it to the next extreme, and we take action against them, then they say "Well how come his is alright but mine got me banned?". It's much simpler to just take a firm stance and not allow it at all.

As for the "loosely censored" loophole you're lobbying for, it's not a liscense to disobey all the the rules as long as there's no nudity. It's kinda like getting pulled for a DUI on the Highway and trying to convince the cops to let you go cause there's no signs on the side of the road saying Drunk Drving is illegal.

I mean come on man.