Cows

[Scyry]

This leaves no one unscathed . .

 

 

 

DEMOCRAT

 

 

 

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.

 

 

 

REPUBLICAN

 

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

 

 

 

SOCIALIST

 

 

 

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

 

 

 

COMMUNIST

 

 

 

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

 

 

 

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

 

 

 

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

 

 

 

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

 

 

 

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

 

 

 

AMERICAN CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.

 

 

 

FRENCH CORPORATION

 

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

 

 

 

JAPANESE CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

 

 

 

GERMAN CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, have blue eyes, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

 

 

 

ITALIAN CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

 

 

 

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

 

 

 

TALIBAN CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

 

 

 

IRAQI CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

 

 

 

TENNESSEE CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

 

 

 

FLORIDA CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both.

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

 

 

 

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

 

 

 

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegals.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders

[tmf6902]

LMAO

[PeterbiltChrome]

very nice...just keeps on gettin funnier

[Wingnut]

This leaves no one unscathed . .

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

 

 

Sure it does.

 

 

PETA.

 

 

You have two cows.

Let them vote.

 

_____________________________________

 

It also left out the Nuge.

 

Ted Nugent.

 

You don't have any stupid cows

because I ate them, and now I'm

wearing their skin as a hat.

[SnakeEyeSS]

What about:

 

The Donald

 

You have two cows

You have the cows test their intelligence by making a brochure of dairy products

You don't think the cows know anything about milk, so you fire them

__________

or GM

 

You have two cows

You buy 5 more cows

You still want more cows, so you decided to buy a 10% share of a big Italian cow for 1.2 billion.

You decide two years later you don't want any of the cow, so you decide to pay $2 billion to not buy the cow.

__________

or BMW

 

You have one cow.

the cow, upon reaching 50 years old, becomes wildly successful in milk production

you then buy 4 more cows.

your four new cows are sad cows, and don't produce much milk

you then sell 3 of the cows to focus on just one of the new cows, this cow becomes wildly successful in milk production

you then hire a someone to design new cows that everyone hates.