What would you think of this person?

[kc5deb]

I know this is a truck forum, and even though this is the off-topic section, I know it still deals a lot with trucks. But, I know a lot of you guys out there are level headed and have probably gone through this before. The topic is divorce. I'm having a hard time dealing with mine, and I guess it's just because I really up until now, haven't really had anyone to talk with it about.

 

My big deal is this. For the longest time, I have felt that I was the one that caused the divorce. I don't know exactly why, other than the same ol things like "I didn't try hard enough" or "maybe I couldn't make her happy", etc. etc.

 

But, I want you guys opinion on the situation. I'll give you a timeline, and see if I'm not the only one thinking what I'm thinking.

 

A thursday night in may of last year - Wife and I are laying in bed, and discussing our marital problems, and I ask her what she thinks we need to do to fix it; she replies "why don't we get seperated"

 

The very next monday - wife goes and files for divorce

 

A month later - wife begins seeing a guy she works with

 

Several months later - wife begins to take new boyfriend with her family and our son out to public events like hockey games, basketball games, etc.

 

Around march of this year - wife REALLY begins pushing for the divorce to become final

 

April of this year - divorce is final

 

May of this year - ex-wife informs me she's engaged

 

This past weekend - ex-wife is remarried.

 

Facts about new husband:

Is only 22 years old (the ex btw is 36 years old)

Is only a paramedic, and makes less than 9$/hr

Has his own place to live

Owns a brand new dodge 4x4 double cab w/Hemi and all the bells n whistles

Parents own a lake cabin

 

OK, from this point on, I'd like to hear yall's guys (and girls if there's any) thoughts/comments on why you think she divorced me and married this guy.

 

BTW, the comment of "only a paramedic" was for income purposes only; I have extreme respect for medics. In fact, the girl I just recently began dating is a medic. So, please, to any medics out there, I meant no disrespect to your hard and underpaid/under appreciated profession.

[Mark_in_Tulsa]

Well since it is hard to get the full story over the internet, and we are only hearing your side of the story. Which no offense may or may not be fully accurate. But I will take your word on it.

 

Well it sounds like she found someone, or has been eyeing other people for some time before that one night she mentioned this horrible thing. In my opinion, lets say for the sake of argument, even if you weren't there for her, or if you didn't go out of your way to make her happy, she still made a vow and promise to you. Her not being happy is not a legitimate excuse in my book. Unless one of the parties cheated on the other then I see no reason why something can't get worked out, ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED.

 

Even if she wasn't happy in the marriage, she still made a vow to you, and a promise, till death do us part. Its something that really bothers me when people get "bored" of their marriage, and want go find something more "newer" or "exciting" like she did.

 

Now I'm not saying she cheated on you. (Well actually if she was with another guy before the divorce was final then I guess she did.) But anyways, i'm not saying she did cheat on you, it looks like she was the one that wanted to stop trying, she was the one that stopped loving, she was the one, that got bored, she was the one that didn't care enough for her son to work threw this "mid life crises", she was the one that went to someone else so fast.

 

I don't think it was your fault for the divorce. It may be your fault she was not happy, but that in my book isn't cause for divorce. I of course am getting these thoughts due to I being a very strong Christian. These are my views from being a Christian.

 

You see people today just don't value marriage like they should nor do they put enough effort into it.

 

I've kinda gone off and rambled, and kinda lost my point, but I think from hearing your story, that she was the one that QUIT on the family and you.

 

God bless you man, I know this must be the hardest thing you have ever gone threw and I feel for you.

[facn8me]

That's a tough one dude. Unfortunatly for her the 22yr old guy is going to get sick of it real quick. As a single guy with no kids I can honestly say raising someone elses kid is one of the toughest jobs. He will not like the fact that all his extra $$$ will go to the wife and someone else's kid.

I feel for you but she will regret it long before you do. Take care of your son. You are gettin ready to be taken to court for more child support when he starts balking at finaces. You will be her support and your son's till he's 18. Do not badmouth the boy's motheraround himor where he may hear it. She will be trying to buy him. do not fall into this game with her. Do not compete. Spend as much time with your kid as you can. Yes every weekend they are out partying.

 

i know it's tough but you are better off. Just take it slow with any new girlfriends. No marriage till your son is grown. Think of it this way Now it is truley a guy's night out with you and the boy. No pesky women around to keep you "boy's" from fartin and belchin"

[facn8me]

P.S. your son is going to torture this 22yr old man. I am tortured daily by my GF's son. He;s a good kid but DAMM. His daddy walks on water. Case in point. The kid is 16 1/2 His daddy has not decided it was time for him to drive yet. well now the kid lives with us. I have offered him either one of my cars to drive while he is working to buy his own(he get's bad grades so no reward of a free car) He doesn't want them cause his daddy the chip salesman drives a bronco and of course bronco'a are the best vehicle ever. So instead of him driving my V8 Sblazer that runs low 14's with horrible traction problems and an investment of $10k. He is happy wth his $900 bronco. Good thing though now I have something to use against him to get his school work up. I loaned him $500 he had $400 himself.

And his real daddy still won't send out his birth certificate to punish him for moving in with us. So he still does not have his liscence. His real daddy also never started teaching him to drive. That has been my job. He smacked two curbs in my car yesterday when momma was with him. Her first ride with him also. I have been out 20 times with him.

 

Just smile knowing how many times he's gonna scream "YOUR NOT MY DADDY" to the 22yr old will be reward enough for you.

[BlueTahoe]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I was divorced about a year and a half ago. It was the hardest thing I had ever been thru. The thing you need to keep in mind is you were willing to try and that is all that you could do. My situation was different but very similar. I wanted to try and she didn't think it was worth it.

 

I was raised in a strong christian family and that made my divorce very hard. I took an oath in a house of god. That was very important to me but not to her. I felt like I did something terribly wrong but if the other person wants to leave there isn't anything you can do about it.

 

It took me about a year before I started feeling allot better about things. All you can do is make the best of your situation and do all you can for your child.

 

I have now been dating a wonderful christian girl for about 8 months and everything is great. I think that was my biggest mistake in my first marriage. I didn't think our difference on church and family would be an issue. I was completely wrong because that is what makes up allot of peoples core values/morals and we were always on opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

I think divorce is a terrible thing and I wish I never went thru it. This sounds conflicting but even though I believe divorce it totally wrong I know I am much better off for it and I believe my children are too. Their mother is not a bad person but she was not the right person for me. I would rather us do our best to raise our children this way than to have them grow up in a house full of tension. Just focus on your child. They are the best medicine for your problems. I have a much better bond with my children now and that is the best feeling in the world.

 

 

Good Luck....

[R Dogg 56]

Wouldn't it be easier to figure out why Chevy decided to delete the underhood light on the Silverado in 2003 than to figure out why women think the way they do?

 

Sucks to hear about your divorce. Good luck, and keep in mind what these guys say. Some d**n good advice being pushed your way.

[Daubs]

kc5deb: Bummer on the whole divorce, remarrying thing...and breaking up your family. I'm guessing you were married for somewhere in the 4-7 year range (?)

 

I've seen situation like this before, unfortunately. Spouse (in this case Her) feeling a little hemmed in, thinking they need a change, and that cute co-worker, causal friend, (insert person here) starts paying attention to them. Making her feel special, needed, wanted.

 

Other spouse (in this case YOU) is comfortable in the marriage and may be taking things for granted. Not that you weren't trying to be a loving husband, but that you just were, well, old news. That same old person who gets up every day, goes to work, etc., etc., etc.

 

I've been married for 14 years, and not all of them have been wonderful. Wife and I have been through some tough times, but one thing remains consistent...we talk, and I mean a LOT! Communication is key, in my book at least. Making a successful marriage requires a lot of maintenance and work.

 

It's easy for us to dish out advice. Bottom line is that you have to deal with the emotions of a divorce and breaking up your family. All you can do is control you. That said, here is my advice:

 

1. Handle this situation with dignity and class. Don't become a "bitter Bill" (friend of mine who went off on 20 minute tirade every time topic of divorce or his ex-wife came up...believe me, no one wanted to be around him on those times). Speak kindly of her to your friends and family, and especially your son. Take the high road.

 

2. Learn from this experience. When you find that special someone (and YOU WILL), treat her with kindness and care. Talk with her a lot, not only about your feelings but what she is sensing. It takes two to make a marriage work...and it takes two to make a marriage fail.

 

3. Move on. I'm guessing she's going to lose interest in Mr. 22 year old paramedic sometime soon...and she may even realize what she had in you was something special. But if her past is any indication of her future, don't let her talk you into "giving it another try." She'll just lose interest in you later on. Do yourself, her and your son a favor...move on. Move your life in a positive direction. Be a great father. Be a great ex-hubby to your ex-wife, your ex-in-laws, friends, etc.

 

Hang in there kc5deb! It will get better.

[kc5deb]

1. Handle this situation with dignity and class. Don't become a "bitter Bill" (friend of mine who went off on 20 minute tirade every time topic of divorce or his ex-wife came up...believe me, no one wanted to be around him on those times). Speak kindly of her to your friends and family, and especially your son. Take the high road.

 

Kinda funny you mention that. When she filed for divorce, I had no one to talk to. I was going throught he police academy, and one of her friends was going through the same academy, so, anything I said there would just get right back to her, so I avoided talking about it there. I was working for my dad at the time, and he wasn't happy about it; he tended to side with her, and was resentful to me for going through the academy. I pretty much had a limited number of people to talk to about it. Those poor guys who had to listen to me. I catch myself every once in a while talking about it to someone just because I still don't have anyone to really talk it over with, and I've learned to quit talking about it to avoid being the "bitter bill" you mentioned.

 

Thanks for all the words of encouragement; seriously. I've gotten more talk here about it then I've recieved from friends and family. Only nice thing about her recent actions is that it's finally sinking in to my family that maybe I wasn't the one that was completely at fault.

 

I had my son last night, and we had a "talk" about it. Well, as much of a talk you can have with a 3 year old. He said something when I explained that mommy and daddy aren't married, and mommy and her new friend were married. I discovered from him that she told him not to say anything about the marrage to me. I told him he can talk to me about it anytime he wants. I did make one decision, and I've stuck by it; I've never said anything negative about her in front of him or to him, and I won't. When he's old enough, and asks me, I'll simply tell him my side of the story, and let him be the judge of his own decision of what to think.

 

It is hard, and I'm doing a lot better than I was. I'm in a good paying job now paying back debt I've been stuck with and acrued from the divorce, and moving on. I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I have no intentions of going back to her. There are a lot of other things I could go into, but, not relevant anymore since the past is the past, and the future is what I should be dwelling on.

 

My main intent for asking the original question I did was to see if people were seeing that she was marrying for money, and I see that maybe I'm not seeing the entire reasons for her marrying this guy. I still think she married him for his money, but, I see your guys other points too.

 

My current girlfriend is someone I dated in high school, and is in the same boat I am in. She's divorced with a kid, and we have each other for support now. We've gotten probably more serious that we probably should, but, we both know that we need to take time. We both talk about mistakes that we both made, and we've kinda set some rules about each other because of our past situations. Kinda makes it easier, and we've found that we talk about our ex's less and less, and talk about us more and more. So, just since we've been seeing each other, things have gotten a LOT better.

 

Thanks again for the support!