Craigslist Personal Ad

[MarkD]

CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me

in Downtown Savannah, night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.D.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's

purse and earrings. I can only hope

that you somehow come across

this rather important message..

First, I'd like to apologize

for your embarrassment;

I didn't expect you to actually crap

in your pants, when I drew my pistol,

after you took my jacket.

The evening wasn't that cold and

I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol

for my birthday and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is

a very intimidating weapon

when pointed at your head... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back, from wherever you'd come,

with that brown sludge in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking

bare-footed, since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone and wallet with me.

[To prevent you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.]

After I called your mother or "Momma"

as you had her listed in your cell,

I explained the entire episode,

so she'd know what you'd done.

Then I went and filled up my gas tank

as well as those of four other people

at the gas station -- on your credit card. The guy, with the big motor home, took

150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with

all the cash in your wallet.

[That made his day!]

Then I threw your wallet into a

big pink "pimp mobile"

that was parked at the curb...

after I broke the windshield,

the side window and

keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of

phone sex numbers from your cell.

Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I've only used the phone

for a little over a day now,

so what 's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls

to the DA's office and one to the FBI,

while mentioning President Obama

as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense

and we had a nice long chat

(I guess while he traced your number.)

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize

for not killing you, but I feel that

this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment

for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to

sort through some of these rather immediately pressing issues.

I can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon and

perhaps reconsider, the career path

you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not

be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

[hockeypro1411]

Hahahahaha that's good. Glad to see some states actually allow people to protect themselves. Not like *ahem* Illinois.

[csheatz]

If only I knew it was true..... anyhow

[woodruff112]

that is freeakin awesome... that guy is my hero.. lol jk