a little church humor

[bummed-n-Md]

> They're back! Church Bulletins: thank God for the church ladies who type

> them.

>

> These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in

> church services:

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:

> "Searching for Jesus."

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the

> recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

> things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a

> conflict.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at

> someone

> who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about

> you.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way, again," giving

> obvious

> pleasure to the congregation.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery

> downstairs.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help

> they can get.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will

> sing:

> "Break Forth Into Joy."

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.

> So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music

> will

> follow.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"

> Come early and listen to our choir practice.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several

> new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.

> Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person

> you want remembered.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and

> gracious hostility.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be

> seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from

> the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are

> invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would

> lend

> him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the

> back door.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

> The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church

> basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

> tragedy.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please

> use large double door at the side entrance.

>

> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan

> last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

>

[99silveradoz71]

That's great, definitely plenty of good laughs there.

[Clavin78]

its amazing what you find in church bulletins

[sk]

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