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diyer2

By diyer2
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On 3/17/2017 at 1:53 PM, diyer2 said:

ITALIAN HONEYMOON

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food.
She brough at da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket.

The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car .'
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice.
'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'
"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."





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Hector is working in his garden when he sees Juan walking down the road with his hands cupped together. He asks.."Hey Juan...Where are you going?" Juan replies.." "I'm going to town. I have a butterfly and I'm taking it to town to trade it for a churn full of butter." Hector replies..."Oh Juan..You cannot do that.." Juan just winks and says.."You just wait and see." A little while later Juan returns down the road carrying a churn of butter...

The next day Hector is once again working in his garden when Juan walks past. And again his hands are cupped together. "Hey Juan...Where are you going?" Hector asks. "I am going to town. I have a horsefly and I'm going to trade it for a horse." Hector shakes his head and says..."Oh Juan..You cannot do that." "Ah..You just wait and see." Juan replies. And sure enough...not an hour later...Juan walks past leading a horse.

The next day Hector is once again working in his garden and Juan walks past...He shouts out..."Hey Juan..Where are you going?" Juan looks at him and replies..."I'm going to town. I have a **** willow and I"m.." At that moment Hector immediately interrupts hims..."Hey Juan...You wait just a second...I'll get my hat and coat and go with you!"

 

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MaverickZ71 Senior Enthusiast

MaverickZ71

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Posted (edited)

A boy was on the corner trying to sell his lawnmower.

A preacher riding a bike saw the kid selling the lawnmower. He decided to ask the boy how much he wanted it.

"Well sir, what I really want is a new bike,” said the boy.

The preacher thought about it and asked him if he would be willing to trade the lawnmower for the bike he was riding. 

The boy told him he would need to ride it around first to see if he likes it. The preacher agreed and off the boy went. 

He came back and told the preacher that the bike was acceptable and that he had a deal. 

The preacher pushes his new lawnmower a couple houses down and decides to start it. 

He pulled and pulled, but couldn't get it started. The boy saw him struggling and rode over to him.

"What's the matter sir?” said the boy.

"I can't seem to get it started!"

"Yes sir, this here is a cussing lawn mower. You will need to cuss in order to get it started,” the boy replied.

"A cussing lawnmower? Oh no son. I am a preacher, a man of God. I haven't cussed in decades and it's been so long since I have cussed, I don't even remember what the words are."

"Well preacher man, you keep yanking on that rope long enough and they'll come back to you!"

Edited by MaverickZ71

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