Joke Thread

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

My girlfriend yelled from another room and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

I said, "No."

She yelled back, "How about now?"

[xranger90]

A young boy walks into a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?' The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

'What did I tell you?', said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'. Then the boy, licking his cone, replied,

'Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!'

 

classic but good

 

[MaverickZ71]

My girlfriend said, "The car is not starting. Dashboard shows a sign of a person sitting on the toilet."
I said, "What...? Send me a picture."

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

Your order has been delayed.

https://imgur.com/gallery/fAA0Yws

 

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

My girlfriend said, that in order to have a peaceful home, we have to leave our problems at the door.

 

Now she's mad at me because she's locked out, and it's cold outside.