Joke Thread

[BigMick2023]

12 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

FUNNY how we survived the Good Old Days, isn't it?

 

 

Yea.....now days the biggest threat for kids is the fear of breaking a nail when texting on your iPhone.  

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[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

A brunette went to a doctor's office and said that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," said the doctor.

"Show me." 

She took her finger, pressed on her elbow, and screamed in agony. 

She then touched her knee and let out a scream.

Everywhere she touched, it made her scream in horrible pain. 

The doctor said, "You're not really a brunette are you?" 

She said, "No, I dyed my hair.
I'm naturally blonde."

"I thought so," he said. 

"Your finger is broken."

[MaverickZ71]

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[MaverickZ71]

When you see it . . . 

[MaverickZ71]

Rick walked out of his office in Manhattan one evening just as a cab was approaching. 

 

He flags down the cab and, as he’s getting in, he said to the cab driver, “Now that’s perfect timing. Am I lucky or what?”

 

The cab driver smiled and said, “You’re just like Bill Smith.”

 

“Who’s Bill Smith?” asked Rick.

 

“Oh, he’s just some guy who always managed to do everything perfect,” the cab driver responded.

 

“What do you mean?” asked Rick.

“Well,” says the driver, “like your situation now. You’re in need of a cab and I’m right here for you when you need me. 

 

That would happen to Bill, every time.”

 

“Oh, come on,” says Rick. “No one’s life is that perfect. There’ll always be a few clouds, surely?”

 

“Not for Bill,” the cab driver responded. “He was a top athlete. 

 

He played golf with a handicap that any top pro would love to have. 

 

He played tennis better than John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg.

 

He could sing opera better than Pavarotti and he could dance better than Fred Astaire. 

 

And he was a Grade A student with a photographic memory. He never ever forgot a birthday.”

 

“Really?” Rick responded.

 

“Really!” said the cab driver. “He could fix any little problem around the house. He had encyclopedic knowledge about wine and good food. 

 

And he was an entertaining raconteur and a storyteller. The life and soul of any party. And to top it all off, he was always in perfect shape. 

 

No, no one will ever match up to Bill Smith, that’s for sure.”

 

“Oh, come on,” said Rick. “No one's that perfect. 

 

How do you know that guy, anyway?”

 

“Well, I never met him,” says the cab driver, “But I’m married to his widow!"

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