Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 3.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted

Three women die and go to heaven. When they get there, the apostle Paul says, “We only have one rule here in heaven. Do not step on the ducks.”

So they enter heaven, and there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck. Although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one!

Along comes the apostle Paul with the ugliest man she ever saw.

He chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this man!”

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes the apostle Paul.

With him is another extremely ugly man. Paul chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all of this and is very careful where she steps. She manages to go several months without stepping on any ducks.

But, one day the apostle Paul comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

Posted
10 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Oops. No regerts?

20240126_203843.jpg.f67e90f265332ee478b1162c1198eb78.jpg

 

10 hours ago, richard wysong said:

Driving a stick shift is becoming a lost art

Yes, I believe this artist didn't lose it, he never had it!

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Posted (edited)

A young guy from North Dakota moved to Florida and went to a big "Everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. 

One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day.

He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$251,237.65."

The boss, astonished, says $251,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. 

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. 

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 GMC 3500 Duramax."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" 

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.........'"

Edited by MaverickZ71
  • Like 1
  • Haha 3

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    250.5k
    Total Topics
    2.7m
    Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    342,973
    Total Members
    8,960
    Most Online
    Gilkey96
    Newest Member
    Gilkey96
    Joined
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 900 Guests (See full list)


  • Latest Articles

  • Posts

    • Replace the fuel pump with an OEM AC-Delco.
    • Hello, first time posting here. I have an 03 Chevy 1500HD with the 6 liter gas engine. The truck ran fine until the fuel pump died on me and had to get it towed. Replaced the fuel pump with a precision pump from O’rileys and changed the fuel filter while I was there. The truck will run and drive now but it wants to idle around 500 rpm when in drive and it tries to stall if you touch the gas. It drives fine though, just doesn’t want to idle. Put a fuel pressure gauge on the rail and only have 50 psi. I guess these trucks should have 55-62 psi to run right. I thought the regulator might be the issue because when I would unplug the vacuum hose it jumped to 56 psi. Replaced the regulator and no change. The only thing I can think of is that I was sold a faulty fuel pump. Any help would be appreciated because I’d rather not have to take the bed off again if I don’t have too. Thank you!
    • I've been wrenching on GM trucks for 17 years. And I need to get something off my chest because it's been weighing on me for a long time. After all that time, all those motors, all those people standing in my bay, I've figured out there are really only two kinds of owners. The ones who already know about this. And the ones who are about to find out the hard way. A guy came into my shop a few weeks back in a 2018 Silverado 5.3. Sharp guy, maybe 35. Knew his truck cold. He'd been on the forums, read the threads, done his homework. He only rolled in so I could double-check a little module he'd already plugged in himself. Wanted a second set of eyes on it. Ten minutes, in and out, drove off happy. Two days later, a completely different story walked through the same door. Older fella this time, in a 2016 Sierra. Gorgeous truck, clearly babied, not a scratch on it. Wedding ring. Looked like a guy who took care of his stuff. He was in because his engine had started knocking on the way to work. And by the time I got the valve cover off, I already knew it was too late. Lifter collapsed. Cylinder 5. Camshaft chewed up. The whole top end shot. Same kind of truck. Same motor. Same roads, probably the same dealer. The only thing separating those two men was information. I've been at this since 2008, and I've worked on everything GM puts out. Silverados. Sierras. Tahoes. Yukons. Suburbans. Escalades. The 5.3 and the 6.2. Doesn't matter which badge is on the tailgate. They all carry the same problem. So here's the information one of those guys had and the other one didn't. It's called Active Fuel Management. AFM. GM started building it into their V6s and V8s back in 2007 to squeeze out a little better mileage on the highway. Maybe a mile or two a gallon. All to hit government fuel economy numbers. The way it works, the motor quietly shuts down half its cylinders when you're just cruising along. And the little lifters that pull that off have a tiny pin inside them that's constantly clicking in and out. Lock, unlock, lock, unlock. Hundreds of times a drive. Thousands of times a week. Eventually one of those pins wears through. The lifter drops. And it starts grinding the camshaft down like a chisel on butter. And what nobody tells you is that the shudder you feel around 40 or 50 mph? That's the system cycling. Every single time. Here's what really gets me. The pre-2007 trucks, the ones without AFM, they're bulletproof. I've got customers still daily driving them with 260,000 miles on the odometer. Not a problem in the world. GM took a perfectly good motor that would have lasted a lifetime and bolted this system onto it. And it is wrecking engines that should have run forever. The guys who hang around the forums already know all of this. So do the techs. They handled this years ago. They didn't sit around waiting for the dealership to mail them a warning letter, because that letter is never coming. It's the guys who figured somebody would've told them who end up on my lift. And I want to be clear, because this part matters. Maintenance has nothing to do with it. I've torn down motors with barely 30,000 miles on the clock. I pulled apart a Tahoe last summer with 24,000 on it. Practically a brand new truck. Owner had it less than a year. Spotless oil. Best synthetic money can buy, changed early every time. Made no difference. I've seen guys with full dealer records, every interval stamped. Made no difference. The oil changes were never the problem. The pin was. And no amount of babying that truck stops that pin from cycling every single time you drive. That's the part that eats at me. These are good motors. Take the AFM out of the equation and a 5.3 or a 6.2 will run 300,000 miles and never blink. So a few years ago I started telling every single owner who comes through my doors the exact same thing the smart guys already knew. Get yourself a FullForce disabler. It plugs right into the port under your dash. Couple of seconds and you're done. It just tells the computer to leave every cylinder running, full time. No more cycling. No more beating those lifters back and forth every time you turn the key. It doesn't reprogram anything. Doesn't touch your tune. And unplug it before a dealer visit and there's absolutely zero trace it was ever installed. I've had customers come back at 40,000, 60,000, 80,000 miles after I put one in. Zero issues. The trucks run smoother. And the lifters aren't getting beaten to death every single drive. I won't sit here and tell you it's magic. A lifter that's already damaged is a lifter that's already damaged, and this won't un-ring that bell. But it takes away the one thing causing all that wear in the first place. That's the whole game. You don't need a five-thousand-dollar delete. You don't need an expensive tune. You don't need to tear anything apart. You just need to stop the cycling. I'm not writing this for any company. I'm writing it because I'm tired of watching the guys who didn't know pay four and five figures for it. I'm tired of being the guy who has to break the news. I'm tired of knowing that the guys who did know fixed the whole thing for the price of a tank of gas, and the only difference was that somebody told them first. If you drive a Silverado, Sierra, Tahoe, Yukon, Suburban, or Escalade from 2007 or newer with a V6 or V8, you've got AFM. You've got those lifters, and they're cycling every single time you drive. So be the guy who already knew. Not the one I'm scraping metal out of next month. EDIT: A bunch of folks asked, so here it is. The one I put my faith in is FullForce. This is where to find it: https://www.tryfullforce.com/products/fullforce™-afm-dfm-disabler They back it with a 60-day guarantee too. I've handed out more than I can count and not one's ever come back to me. Not one. See less
    • Thanks for following along. I'm not author material, my tenses are all over the place and an editor would have a heck of a time cleaning up after me. Reading and writing is still a fun pastime though.   My new scanner came in yesterday, wow, where the heck has this thing been?! It connects right up to the Blazer, there's all kinds of bidirectional tests like EGR activation and percentage, toggle the fuel pump relay, EVAP purge valve, IAC control, AC relay, reset the transmission's adaptive learning, toggle shift solenoids and TCC lockup, and I can reset fuel trims with the click of a button...all things I could have used over the last 60 days!   It's also telling me there is a stored code in the ABS module for front left wheel sensor open and something about the brake switch. The ABS dash light works. It illuminates normally during the self-test at key on/ start and that's it. I cleared the codes and will see if they set when I take it out later. That, and I'm going to get (hopefully) real data on timing and cam ******. The PID's are there.   I connected the tool to my truck...holy smokes. Newer vehicles make early OBDII vehicles look like 8-bit, pixelated, early Nintendo stuff. This? This is like wearing 3D virtual reality goggles playing one of those elaborate, cinematic video games with seasons and plots in comparison. There are SO MANY modules and SO MANY tests and SO MUCH data. There's a scanner sequence for filling the coolant...   End of the day, it's a tool with way more power than I need, but the versatility to do old and new is there (and I need an adapter to connect it to my OBDI Camaro). It will allow me to do the first pass of diagnosis when out-of-warranty vehicles need help, and it will enable more DIY maintenance like brake system bleeding, ABS bleed, etc. I probably over-bought here, but, mission is accomplished.   Enjoy your Sunday...I need to shut this machine down and go get ready for the week ahead.
    • Not that I've read, after all the issues they've had in the past I'm pretty sure they learned their lesson. 
  • GM-Trucks.com Clubs

  • Popular Contributors

×
×
  • Create New...