Seniors at Christmastime

[Donstar]

On behalf of my peers, I want to extend a kind reminder to take note of the Christmas dinner plans of the "old" people in your lives.   Christmas is an emotionally charged time of year and a very tough time to be alone.  I personally know three mothers who have no plans to be with any of their adult children at the table.   All of these moms are guilty of saying they don't like travelling at Christmas.  The truth is they are too physically and/or financially challenged.    My mom tried this on us during her last years. For four consecutive years we joined her for Christmas dinner in her full care facility.  She always told us not to bother and seemed only moderately happy with our efforts to be with her for dinner.   Reading her diary after she passed away demonstrated the profound impact our efforts had in her remaining years.  If an old person in your life is telling you they are planning a "quiet" Christmas,  odds are high that "quiet" doesn't mean "happy"!

Edited December 16, 2019 by Donstar

[Brian715]

Thanks for the reminder. Even when someone says they are ok being alone, no one really wants to be alone. 

[Joe's 2017 Silverado]

Nice write up, and I might add that when their spouse passes away their loneliness becomes more apparent but they try not to be a burden to anyone. Regardless we all have to include them, it doesn't mean on every party or event but at least the family gatherings that really matter. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, everyone!

[99silveradoz71]

One regret I have from years back is doing my own thing for a couple years. I'd get in an odd mood around the holidays and just want to be home or go out solo. I don't know if it was working shifts on or around the holidays, but I'll always remember my dad leaving a message on the answering machine begging me to come over for the holiday. He's been gone 11 years, and I regret being a selfish prick and not going to see family those years.

[Donstar]

Update:  We put my point about seniors having a "quiet Christmas" to the test yesterday.  My wife asked one of the ladies mentioned above if she would like to share her quiet Christmas at our table.  The resulting flood of emotion from this neighbour friend was "over the top" according to my wife.

[Snow Shovel]

My wife is part of a large family; eight brothers and sisters.  This year they lost a sister in law and a sister.

Her brother, who lost his wife, has three adult children and they keep him engaged.  Between his kids, his work, and his church he stays busy.  We have him over for dinner a couple of times a month.

Her brother-in-law, who lost his wife (my wife's sister) is a different story.  His 17 year old son is in rehab for the third time this year and they are running out of insurance options.  The prevailing fear with this man's son is that he will die soon from either suicide or an overdose.

We do our best to maintain contact with this man, but it seems that for the most part he would rather be alone.  I get it; it is not my place to judge.  We do our best to keep him engaged.

Thanks everyone for letting me get that off my chest.  I hope you all have a nice Christmas and if the notion strikes you, that you reach out to someone who needs some help.

[Mikebtte]

While I do not have many old people left in my life, I do take some time to talk with my old neighbor and keep him in a conversational loop.

No kids, no wife and he stays in the house/ garage alone most of the time. Once I get him talking it can go on for hours but I think he really enjoys the company.

Read and article last month that simply saying hi to older people can literally make there week better.

 

https://www.studyfinds.org/lonely-lives-alarming-number-of-seniors-go-entire-week-without-talking-to-anyone/