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Official Joke Thread

Jpshostr

By Jpshostr
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MOD2FLY Enthusiast

MOD2FLY

Posted
Posted

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

- George Carlin.

 

 

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit *named PACO* :) hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead.

The driver felt so awful, he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.

Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 yards away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 yards, turned, waved and hopped another 50 yards.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!

He ran over to the woman and asked, "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.

MOD2FLY Enthusiast

MOD2FLY

Posted
Posted

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''

The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.''

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?''

''Sam,'' the man moaned.

''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.

''The balcony.''

 

Posty # 69 Baby!!!! woohoo!

yeah i know it doesnt take much to get me worked up... LOL

Jpshostr Senior Enthusiast

Jpshostr

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Posted

Quote from Kansas Kid, posted on Oct. 17 2001,10:53

Sorry, I don't know of any "clean" jokes.    Not my fault of course, its them dang buddies of mine  ;)

 

Notice why all I put up was pictures?   :)

chevy4x4trucks Senior Enthusiast

chevy4x4trucks

Posted
Posted

Four guys are telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves for a bathroom break. Three guys are left. The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was gonna be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."

 

The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a Realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."

 

The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. My son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just gave HIS best friend a million in stock for his birthday."

 

The fourth guy comes back from the can. The first 3 explain that they are telling stories about their kids, so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit that my son is a MAJOR disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact, I just found out that he's gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But, I try to look at the bright side: his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house, and a million in stock for his birthday."

 

 

A man was walking along a California beach when he stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK so you released me from the lamp blah, blah, blah, but this is the fourth time this week and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes, So you can forget about three. You only get one wish."

 

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm too scared to fly and I get very seasick. So could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?"

 

The gene laughed a replied, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete....How much steel !!!! No think of another wish."

 

The man agreed and tried to think of a really good wish. He said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives have always said I don't care and that I'm insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. To know what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, To know why they are crying, To know what they want when they say "nothing"...."

 

The gene replies "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

  • 7 years later...

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