Navigating senior years.

Donstar · December 6, 2024

I was in a liquor store yesterday and witnessed a man grab three bottles and walk out the exit proclaiming, "It's free"! The cashier called out to him and another employee chased the thief through the parking lot to no avail. I heard the cashier explain to her supervisor that she was busy helping me and didn't notice the brazen shoplifter until he was shouting at the door. I don't think the cashier appreciated that her comments about helping me could be interpreted as me being complicit in the theft! This grab 'n go shoplifting is often in the news and store employees are being advised not to chase the thieves. The news is quick to report on the good citizens that stop a thief and those who get hurt trying to stop a thief. Unfortunately, the latter seems to be winning. I know that the typical individuals committing these types of crimes are not watching the 6 o'clock evening news but somehow they are aware that shopping without paying is low risk. The reality is that the majority of us see this happening and aren't tempted in the slightest to try shopping without paying . I am of the belief that the raising the level of consequences for shoplifters when caught will discourage a commensurate amount of this behavior. If our toddler doesn't touch the element of a hot stove for fear of getting a hand slapped, this still gives the desired outcome. We hope that with time and guidance the toddler will internalize socially acceptable and safe behaviors.

KARNUT · December 6, 2024

2 minutes ago, Donstar said:

I was in a liquor store yesterday and witnessed a man grab three bottles and walk out the exit proclaiming, "It's free"! The cashier called out to him and another employee chased the thief through the parking lot to no avail. I heard the cashier explain to her supervisor that she was busy helping me and didn't notice the brazen shoplifter until he was shouting at the door. I don't think the cashier appreciated that her comments about helping me could be interpreted as me being complicit in the theft! This grab 'n go shoplifting is often in the news and store employees are being advised not to chase the thieves. The news is quick to report on the good citizens that stop a thief and those who get hurt trying to stop a thief. Unfortunately, the latter seems to be winning. I know that the typical individuals committing these types of crimes are not watching the 6 o'clock evening news but somehow they are aware that shopping without paying is low risk. The reality is that the majority of us see this happening and aren't tempted in the slightest to try shopping without paying . I am of the belief that the raising the level of consequences for shoplifters when caught will discourage a commensurate amount of this behavior. If our toddler doesn't touch the element of a hot stove for fear of getting a hand slapped, this still gives the desired outcome. We hope that with time and guidance the toddler will internalize socially acceptable and safe behaviors.

It’s not the consequence of stopping the unlawful that is the problem. It’s how the law in some areas treats good people who try to do good helping the victim or victims.

Donstar · December 9, 2024

My brother-in-law asked for my opinion on needed HVAC replacement for his large older home. He showed me a couple of estimates he received and I immediately had a case of sticker shock. An expense like this for us would wipe out our emergency funds or we would need to borrow the money. Either way, this motivated us to more actively consider retirement living options. Maintaining a home for occasional family gatherings is common but there usually comes a time when this is no longer sustainable. I think our in-laws are close to this realization and vicariously so are we!

KARNUT · December 9, 2024

29 minutes ago, Donstar said:

My brother-in-law asked for my opinion on needed HVAC replacement for his large older home. He showed me a couple of estimates he received and I immediately had a case of sticker shock. An expense like this for us would wipe out our emergency funds or we would need to borrow the money. Either way, this motivated us to more actively consider retirement living options. Maintaining a home for occasional family gatherings is common but there usually comes a time when this is no longer sustainable. I think our in-laws are close to this realization and vicariously so are we!

Talk about sticker shock. I looked into a retirement community so if something happened to me my wife wouldn’t have to deal with yard work etc. The fees after the home purchase were ridiculous. I could get the home cleaned, yard mowed and pocket the some money. The way the town is moving my way any kind of delivery are now possible. As far as ac, heat you could always close off some rooms and put in window units. With my mother in law we rent her house to help with the cost assisted living. If her savings along with SS runs out, then we would sell the house. If you end up in a nursing home you then have choices. There’s also reverse mortgage. I’m a little nervous about those. Your cost should be pretty fixed at your home. Not so much anywhere else. So making changes to the existing may be the best choice. My wife’s idea of building a rent house on the back of our property. Keeps us out of our savings.

Donstar · December 10, 2024

Good points, Karnut. It is hard to plan for every possibility but it sounds like you have your bases covered. We are also in pretty good shape. However, the unforeseen lurks in the background. We try to keep our options open and are very protective of our financial cushion. We aren't afraid to use these funds but having money in the bank gives us peace of mind. (Of course we can worry about, "What if something happens to the banks?") By the time you get to our ages, we have experienced loved ones come to the end of their time on earth. They have all left us with a piece of how we can best prepare for our final years.

diyer2 · December 10, 2024

I took care of my fathers medical and financial needs for years after an injury. This drained my fathers savings, after you're broke the gov. takes over, until then you pay high prices for care. Keep in mind you can gift money tax free or it will go to your care.

jwhjr · December 10, 2024

2 hours ago, diyer2 said:

I took care of my fathers medical and financial needs for years after an injury. This drained my fathers savings, after you're broke the gov. takes over, until then you pay high prices for care. Keep in mind you can gift money tax free or it will go to your care.

Currently in this situation with my father in law. Gifting is tricky because of the 5 year look back when applying for Medical Assistance (Medicaid). Depending on the situation, most of the time a vehicle is the only exempt asset when it is time to apply/qualify.

Donstar · December 11, 2024

We gave varying degrees of support to our parents as each of them were in their end of life stage. We tried to keep our own kids involved and aware in hopes to help them when it comes time to deal with us. It can be extremely stressful on a family to look after an aging parent and don't volunteer to do so if you aren't physically, mentally and financially healthy!

KARNUT · December 11, 2024

9 minutes ago, Donstar said:

We gave varying degrees of support to our parents as each of them were in their end of life stage. We tried to keep our own kids involved and aware in hopes to help them when it comes time to deal with us. It can be extremely stressful on a family to look after an aging parent and don't volunteer to do so if you aren't physically, mentally and financially healthy!

Assisted living is the only way to go. My mother in law has never been happier. She’s practically running the place. She resisted big time at first. She was miserable at home. Not now.

customboss · December 11, 2024

Here’s a tool we seniors can use.

https://news.virginmediao2.co.uk/o2-unveils-daisy-the-ai-granny-wasting-scammers-time/

Donstar · December 12, 2024

Not all seniors want to end their lives in an assisted living facility and not all assisted living facilities are suitable places to leave someone you love. Sometimes cost is a determining factor. Our current plan is to stay "at home" and receive home care as needed. Two of our parents died in their own beds and two in a facility. We were there for all four and the home experience was more peaceful for the patient and the family when the end happened.

KARNUT · December 12, 2024

Every assisted living location I’ve visited has been like being on a cruise. My mother in law’s place is like that. They’re places that are in a regular home with as little as 8 residents, usually run by a nurse. Most people who wait until the very last usually with selling their home along with SS can fund their last few years with very good care. The transformation of my mother in law was amazing. She is thriving there. I don’t want to immobile in my home with the burden on my family. I’ve seen people who are very capable of caring for themselves, still able to drive. Living in assisted living with a two bedroom apartment. They have family visiting them there staying overnight. Meals provided, laundry service, activities galore. Most people who haven’t visited them just don’t realize. It’s like a cruise on land. I was in that boat, not anymore.

Donstar · December 12, 2024

1 hour ago, KARNUT said:

Every assisted living location I’ve visited has been like being on a cruise. My mother in law’s place is like that. They’re places that are in a regular home with as little as 8 residents, usually run by a nurse. Most people who wait until the very last usually with selling their home along with SS can fund their last few years with very good care. The transformation of my mother in law was amazing. She is thriving there. I don’t want to immobile in my home with the burden on my family. I’ve seen people who are very capable of caring for themselves, still able to drive. Living in assisted living with a two bedroom apartment. They have family visiting them there staying overnight. Meals provided, laundry service, activities galore. Most people who haven’t visited them just don’t realize. It’s like a cruise on land. I was in that boat, not anymore.

It is great that all of your experiences with assisted living facilities have been positive. Mine haven't but I am aware of, and have visited, several resort themed facilities. We currently have a close 92 year old friend living in such a place. We have spent a lot of time there eating and participating in their activities. We could sell our home and live a life of luxury for as long as we have remaining in this beautiful lakefront resort. Our friend has lost most of her vision and living with family isn't an option. She'd far rather be living "off campus" independently and would be the first to discourage us from leaving our home. We also love a cruise but are always happy to be back home! She dines in five star fashion for three meals a day yet the best meal of her week is on Tuesdays sitting in my old recliner in my living room drinking my coffee and eating my wife's baking!

KARNUT · December 12, 2024

14 minutes ago, Donstar said:

It is great that all of your experiences with assisted living facilities have been positive. Mine haven't but I am aware of, and have visited, several resort themed facilities. We currently have a close 92 year old friend living in such a place. We have spent a lot of time there eating and participating in their activities. We could sell our home and live a life of luxury for as long as we have remaining in this beautiful lakefront resort. Our friend has lost most of her vision and living with family isn't an option. She'd far rather be living "off campus" independently and would be the first to discourage us from leaving our home. We also love a cruise but are always happy to be back home! She dines in five star fashion for three meals a day yet the best meal of her week is on Tuesdays sitting in my old recliner in my living room drinking my coffee and eating my wife's baking!

Home is my first choice obviously. I can still do everything I need to do living at home. With all the delivery services available it will be awhile before I do anything different. If ever. But I would choose assisted living before staying with a child of mine. In my retirement I certainly wouldn’t want to taking care of a parent. Then I wouldn’t have a retirement. They would be miserable too. I’ve heard the horror stories. Even if I had to contribute to thier life in assisted living. It would be worth it. Just by how mother in law has thrived. My wife visits her at least 5 times a week. Eats lunch with her and watches her play the piano almost everyday. My mother in law spends holidays at our house as family visits and is always anxious to return to her apartment. She rather us visit her there.

customboss · December 12, 2024

1 hour ago, KARNUT said:

Home is my first choice obviously. I can still do everything I need to do living at home. With all the delivery services available it will be awhile before I do anything different. If ever. But I would choose assisted living before staying with a child of mine. In my retirement I certainly wouldn’t want to taking care of a parent. Then I wouldn’t have a retirement. They would be miserable too. I’ve heard the horror stories. Even if I had to contribute to thier life in assisted living. It would be worth it. Just by how mother in law has thrived. My wife visits her at least 5 times a week. Eats lunch with her and watches her play the piano almost everyday. My mother in law spends holidays at our house as family visits and is always anxious to return to her apartment. She rather us visit her there.

All this planning based on how we work today or our images of that. Wait till the brain and memory go, the hands don't work, the smoking 40 years ago comes to roost, prostate gets to be size of a basketball, eyes, gone, hearing and tinnutis raging. The knees hips ankles lock. You'll be someone elses ward then. I am embracing it as the crazy cup half full idiot I have always been. Bring it on!