Navigating senior years.

Donstar · January 3, 2025

11 hours ago, ManyCamaroz said:

The intention in my statement "I don't mind helping a man that is down. I do not want to help a man that is too lazy to help himself" evidently lacked clarity. I would always render help to a person in need, just not money. I've offered to buy them a meal and they declined my offer, they just wanted money. I've had others that simply demanded money. Years ago one night I had a guy ask me at a grocery store for gas money so he could get his family home in the next town about 30 miles away. I obliged him and think that I gave him a $5 bill. A week or so later at that same grocery store he approached me again with the same story. I said man I gave you money last week to get home. He didn't say anything, he just turned and walked away.

It's the professional beggars that I'm speaking of. I live in a nice area of town and there is a man that has been sitting on the same corner in a wheelchair everyday (except when it's raining) from sun up to sun down for at least 5-6 years. He has someone drop him off in the morning and then pick him up in the evening. The local paper interviewed him and did a story. Of coarse he claims he only gets about $20 on a good day. The local police even checked him out and the story goes per the local PD, he rents a room in a house and it stated that he makes about $1,500 a week begging on the corner. Most days he has a couple of bags with him, I can only guess to appear that he is homeless. When his ride shows up he gathers up his things and walks to the car carrying his belongings unaided.

The abuse of the system is terrible. It definitely spoils opportunities for those in need. "I'll drive by the foodbank after I've been to the liquor store." I use to work near a foodbank and the cars that would fill our parking lot on distribution day were people who would walk the block to the warehouse to appear more needy. I know people experiencing poverty can own cars but these weren't typically poor people type cars! Sometimes it is hard to discern those in legitimate need and we sometimes miss the most vulnerable. A good resource for making a legitimately charitable donation may be your local elementary school. The administrative staff will know of a family in desperate need and will serve as a "go-between" to respect the privacy of the recipient. I was a Principal of several schools during my career and was always kept aware of our children in greatest need. Often, their families were suffering in secrecy and too proud to ask for help. An anonymous donation from a neutral, trusted source can make a real difference to an at risk family.

Donstar · January 5, 2025

Age is a number. During the holidays I had a long conversation with my soon to be 101 year old aunt. Her birthday is 3 days away from mine and we are 30 years apart in age. There was nothing out of the ordinary in her lifestyle but she just keeps ticking! I also called an old family friend before Christmas who I last spoke to at my fathers funeral 25 years ago. This man was about my age back then and was in extremely poor health reflective of a life of heavy drinking and smoking. He is in his now 93 living independently and his mind is sharp. Conversely to these examples, I have two sibling who died around my current age. I know that 70 is a respectable number of candles on a birthday cake and we all know that such an achievement is not totally within our control. However, my mindset is focused on 100+! There are things I (we) can do to help tip the scales and yesterday I clipped on a pedometer to my belt. It was a fairly typical day, ending with 7800 steps. I will see how long it takes to increase to 10k on a normal day. It is one thing to commit to doing better and much more meaningful when you have data to prove it!

KARNUT · January 5, 2025

8 minutes ago, Donstar said:

Age is a number. During the holidays I had a long conversation with my soon to be 101 year old aunt. Her birthday is 3 days away from mine and we are 30 years apart in age. There was nothing out of the ordinary in her lifestyle but she just keeps ticking! I also called an old family friend before Christmas who I last spoke to at my fathers funeral 25 years ago. This man was about my age back then and was in extremely poor health reflective of a life of heavy drinking and smoking. He is in his now 93 living independently and his mind is sharp. Conversely to these examples, I have two sibling who died around my current age. I know that 70 is a respectable number of candles on a birthday cake and we all know that such an achievement is not totally within our control. However, my mindset is focused on 100+! There are things I (we) can do to help tip the scales and yesterday I clipped on a pedometer to my belt. It was a fairly typical day, ending with 7800 steps. I will see how long it takes to increase to 10k on a normal day. It is one thing to commit to doing better and much more meaningful when you have data to prove it!

My walking average is 4K to 7500k. If I push for more the hips and knees start complaining. Thirty plus years of bouncing in tractors and trucks on pipelines are probably the culprit. Arthritis does run in the family. One brother at the same time spent his life on concrete at our shop. He’s had two knee replacements. Losing 30 pounds so far has helped with my knee and hip issues. I don’t spend much time sitting I'm always checking or tinkering. In summer it’s the yard. In the winter it’s the vehicles. Even the smokers have made it to the eighties. Most all of us in the family in my age back generations smoked. I quit about 30 years ago. I believe the biggest player in life span is genetics. Although the enjoyment of the later years can definitely be lifestyle choices. In my case losing weight and diet choices will back me away from diabetes. I was approaching pre diabetes. Probably 5 years away from being diabetes. Making the later years more difficult.

Donstar · January 6, 2025

We just watched, "A Man on the Inside" with Ted Danson on Netflix. It is easy to watch all 8 episodes in a couple of sittings. I think it would prove particularly meaningful to boomers but good for all ages. We have a close friend living in a similar retirement home as found in this show. The series doesn't make the lifestyle anymore or less appealing for us but the characters are very relatable!

KARNUT · January 6, 2025

It’s been quite a ride going through life. My mother was real instrumental in my understanding of life and especially females and what to look for. I was lucky found my soul mate early. I witnessed people who just couldn’t settle struggling to remake their mate into their idea of perfection. Agreeing to disagree works wonders for longevity. The realization that the brain doesn’t really change much but the body sure does. I think of things pretty much the same as I did in my youth. Watching people in assisted living during the free time during the day isn’t really any different than watching kids at the mall. There sure is a difference between people who are looking for a mate and people who are satisfied with their partner. It’s amazing how simple life can be for couples who work together with a life plan. And people who are never satisfied. The simple things in life are really the key. Recognizing that and enjoying is the key to happiness. Starting with waking up in a climate controlled environment while eating a couple eggs and coffee. The rest is icing.

Donstar · January 7, 2025

Thoughts and memories are impacted by time. The "good old days" were maybe not so good at the time. Maybe some weren't so bad. Every once in a while, my wife and I will share a joint past event that one of us lost or has a different recollection. (A husband and wife "disagreement" will often bring up many examples of such times.;-)) Sometimes we store memories in the context of other misinterpreted facts. An example of this is from an early childhood memory. I was hospitalized for several days when I was four and one of my memories was fooling a nurse into believing that it was my teddy bear who wet the bed. I actually recall bragging about this clever deception later to my friends. I don't remember my age when I realized I might not have been such a clever 4 year old but years had passed! I do remember stopping in the middle of sharing this story and the lightbulb going on! Our brain is also subject to decline just like our bodies. "Nouns are the first to go," is a wonderful line in the Netflix series, "A Man on the Inside."

Grumpy Bear · January 7, 2025

21 minutes ago, Donstar said:

Thoughts and memories are impacted by time. The "good old days" were maybe not so good at the time. Maybe some weren't so bad. Every once in a while, my wife and I will share a joint past event that one of us lost or has a different recollection. (A husband and wife "disagreement" will often bring up many examples of such times.;-)) Sometimes we store memories in the context of other misinterpreted facts. An example of this is from an early childhood memory. I was hospitalized for several days when I was four and one of my memories was fooling a nurse into believing that it was my teddy bear who wet the bed. I actually recall bragging about this clever deception later to my friends. I don't remember my age when I realized I might not have been such a clever 4 year old but years had passed! I do remember stopping in the middle of sharing this story and the lightbulb going on! Our brain is also subject to decline just like our bodies. "Nouns are the first to go," is a wonderful line in the Netflix series, "A Man on the Inside."

Doc tells me it's okay to forget what it is called. Not okay to forget what it does. :rolleyes:

Love that show. Ted did good, eh?

Donstar · January 9, 2025

A person of significant influence referred to another country's leader as "girl" yesterday on social media. This made me wonder if my age made this comment so irritating. As a young boy we sometimes used the word "girl" as a derogatory term when referring to who we thought to be weak boys. I was probably around 10 when it was instilled in me that the word girl is only used to refer to young females. Name calling was also an issue when I was a playground supervisor in my later years. Such incidents would lead to a teachable moment on using the correct words to make your point. A strong vocabulary was once a source of pride for ourselves and often desired in our leaders. "Communication" skills have changed. Yesterday I mailed (snail) a hand written note to a teen grandchild. My handwriting is a school teacher cursive. My grandchild will likely require this note read to him and some of the words explained. This is no reflection on his cognitive ability but I find it sad. The same applies to hearing playground vocabulary from otherwise intelligent role models.

Donstar · January 10, 2025

I experienced having one of my posts deleted on another thread. My offending comment was in hopes of coaxing the content away from the path that was emotionally charged for an identifiable group of readers such as myself. However, sometimes the best of intentions simply fan the flame! Oh well, we never stop learning! I know I have strong bias that render achieving true objectivity impossible. We all do. Last week I found an inexpensive item for sale on Facebook Marketplace. The price was really good and the item was exactly what I wanted. The transaction would require the seller to mail the item to me which required a money transfer prior to actually seeing the item. I exercised every precaution I could think of and had another person double check all of my correspondence prior to sending money. One item of scrutiny, I'm embarrassed to say, was the ethnicity of the seller. We agreed that this is not an issue but the fact that we discussed it proves it was an issue! This was learned behavior and has served to instill a certain bias towards another group of people. Sometimes we need to take a hard look at why we think the way that we do! We can take this one step further and try to have greater empathy for others thinking the way that they do!

KARNUT · January 10, 2025

27 minutes ago, Donstar said:

I experienced having one of my posts deleted on another thread. My offending comment was in hopes of coaxing the content away from the path that was emotionally charged for an identifiable group of readers such as myself. However, sometimes the best of intentions simply fan the flame! Oh well, we never stop learning! I know I have strong bias that render achieving true objectivity impossible. We all do. Last week I found an inexpensive item for sale on Facebook Marketplace. The price was really good and the item was exactly what I wanted. The transaction would require the seller to mail the item to me which required a money transfer prior to actually seeing the item. I exercised every precaution I could think of and had another person double check all of my correspondence prior to sending money. One item of scrutiny, I'm embarrassed to say, was the ethnicity of the seller. We agreed that this is not an issue but the fact that we discussed it proves it was an issue! This was learned behavior and has served to instill a certain bias towards another group of people. Sometimes we need to take a hard look at why we think the way that we do! We can take this one step further and try to have greater empathy for others thinking the way that they do!

Everyone lives in some sort of bubble. I lived in NJ and Texas. And have traveled and worked all over. My wife is an army brat. People can mean things differently than they are perceived just by living in different parts of the country. I understand NewYorkers slang and meaning as well as Texas. One of my first learning experiences in Texas when moving there was at a restaurant. The server asked me if I wanted a coke. I said yes. She said what kind. That meant all soda. Instead of just saying soda in the first place. When you hear I want to take over your country. That means let’s work together. Your attention was peaked by design.

Donstar · January 11, 2025

The downside or upside of speaking in riddles or tongue in cheek is the increased chance of being misinterpreted. (Good and bad.)

Donstar · January 12, 2025

Twenty six years ago I went with my father to see his Doctor while he was battling prostate cancer. We went together into the examination room and the Doctor asked my Dad how he is doing. My father smiled and said, "Fine". The Doctor then did some cursory checks, patted my Dad on the back and said we'll see you in a couple of weeks. I was quiet until then but didn't want to leave without some relief for my Dad. I coached my Dad to explain what "fine" has felt like over the past week and in turn the Doctor asked more probing questions. This improved communication resulted in better treatment for Dad and clearer course of action for the Doctor. Fast forward 26 years, my Doctor recently asked me how I was doing when I went for a routine visit. I heard the word "fine" come out of my mouth. I corrected myself and became very specific. In turn, my Doctor became much more precise in his comments. I used the word "why" a couple of times and the responses were enthusiastically provided with much grater detail. During this visit I also discovered a couple of long held assumptions of mine were not valid. It was like I didn't think I was supposed to touch a hot stove because my mum would slap my hand! When you're behind closed doors with your MD, spill it! S/he isn't looking for another friend and is eager to improve your physical and mental health. The depth of information you receive will be determined by what you give.

KARNUT · January 12, 2025

6 minutes ago, Donstar said:

Twenty six years ago I went with my father to see his Doctor while he was battling prostate cancer. We went together into the examination room and the Doctor asked my Dad how he is doing. My father smiled and said, "Fine". The Doctor then did some cursory checks, patted my Dad on the back and said we'll see you in a couple of weeks. I was quiet until then but didn't want to leave without some relief for my Dad. I coached my Dad to explain what "fine" has felt like over the past week and in turn the Doctor asked more probing questions. This improved communication resulted in better treatment for Dad and clearer course of action for the Doctor. Fast forward 26 years, my Doctor recently asked me how I was doing when I went for a routine visit. I heard the word "fine" come out of my mouth. I corrected myself and became very specific. In turn, my Doctor became much more precise in his comments. I used the word "why" a couple of times and the responses were enthusiastically provided with much grater detail. During this visit I also discovered a couple of long held assumptions of mine were not valid. It was like I didn't think I was supposed to touch a hot stove because my mum would slap my hand! When you're behind closed doors with your MD, spill it! S/he isn't looking for another friend and is eager to improve your physical and mental health. The depth of information you receive will be determined by what you give.

This true but be prepared for a bunch of tests. Example. A couple of years ago the allergy season was brutal. I was experiencing lots of sinus and chest pressure. I wanted a little more than Tylenol to treat it. Being on blood pressure medication I wanted make sure I used the recommended medication. I said chest pressure. Chest pressure is a trigger word. I still work vigorously and am in great shape for my age. Being my GP for over 30 years he knows me. Ignoring my allergy questions. Six months worth of tests started. Scanning and treadmill you name it. I suspect being part of the Methodist treatment group that trigger word was a money maker. My deductible was 50 each test so I spent at least 500$. I have plenty of time on my hands so no big deal. I’m actually in better shape than I thought. Doing anything in 100 degree heat you find out really quick. I just spent 2 days shoveling snow. About 6 months later back at my GP for analysis my allergies long gone. I got my answer.

customboss · January 12, 2025

42 minutes ago, Donstar said:

Twenty six years ago I went with my father to see his Doctor while he was battling prostate cancer. We went together into the examination room and the Doctor asked my Dad how he is doing. My father smiled and said, "Fine". The Doctor then did some cursory checks, patted my Dad on the back and said we'll see you in a couple of weeks. I was quiet until then but didn't want to leave without some relief for my Dad. I coached my Dad to explain what "fine" has felt like over the past week and in turn the Doctor asked more probing questions. This improved communication resulted in better treatment for Dad and clearer course of action for the Doctor. Fast forward 26 years, my Doctor recently asked me how I was doing when I went for a routine visit. I heard the word "fine" come out of my mouth. I corrected myself and became very specific. In turn, my Doctor became much more precise in his comments. I used the word "why" a couple of times and the responses were enthusiastically provided with much grater detail. During this visit I also discovered a couple of long held assumptions of mine were not valid. It was like I didn't think I was supposed to touch a hot stove because my mum would slap my hand! When you're behind closed doors with your MD, spill it! S/he isn't looking for another friend and is eager to improve your physical and mental health. The depth of information you receive will be determined by what you give.

Spot on as usual TEACH Don, VA Dr's say their most common and critical problem communicating with combat veterans is that a guy whose been shot or blown up has a different pain and thought threshold than John Q Public.

Thanks for your articulate and accurate sharing here.