Joke Thread

[richard wysong]

I noticed the local Speedway has done away with squeegees and paper towels but still have plastic gloves

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[Donstar]

On the first day, God created the dog and said:  

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark 

at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this 

I will give you a life span of twenty years."

 

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. 

How about only ten years and I'll give you back 

the other ten ?"

 

And God said that it was good.

 

On the second day, God created the monkey and 

said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them 

laugh.  For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

 

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years ? 

That's a pretty long time to perform. How about 

I give you back ten like the dog did ?"

 

And God again said that it was good. 

 

On the third day, God created the cow and said, 

"You must go into the field with the farmer all day 

long and suffer under the sun, have calves and 

give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, 

I will give you a life span of sixty years." 

 

The cow said "That's kind of hard to want me 

to live for sixty years. How about twenty 

and I'll give back the other forty ?"

 

And God agreed it was good.

 

On the fourth day, God created humans and 

said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your 

life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

 

But the human said, "Only twenty years? 

Could you possibly give me twenty plus, 

the forty the cow gave back, the ten the 

monkey gave back, and the ten the dog 

gave back; that makes eighty, okay ?"

 

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

 

So that is why for our first twenty years, 

we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. 

For the next forty years, we slave in the 

sun to support our family. For the next 

ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain 

the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, 

we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

 

Life has now been explained to you.

 

There is no need to thank me for this valuable 

information. I'm doing it as a public service. 

If you are looking for me, I will be on the 

front porch.

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

[diyer2]

Retirement, isn't it great.

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[Grumpy Bear]

10 hours ago, diyer2 said:

 

 

Wife wants to know where you scored my baby pictures? 

[MaverickZ71]

Posted on Women's Day, for those 8 speed automatic owners "flipping the puck". 

 

Edited March 8, 2023 by MaverickZ71

[diyer2]

 

[Donstar]