Joke Thread

[MaverickZ71]

Results of a nationwide poll of the preferred Superbowl teams, by area:

 

[Grumpy Bear]

On 1/25/2025 at 1:42 PM, MaverickZ71 said:

Results of a nationwide poll of the preferred Superbowl teams, by area:

 

 

Good thing it isn't a vote then. 

 

Go ahead Bret. Cancel away. What's the excuse this time? 

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

I went in for a job interview today.

The interviewer said, "Your application says you are fast with math?"

"Yes, that's correct," I said.

He said, "Okay, what is 37x15?"

I said, "76."

He said, "That's not even close."

I said, "But it was fast."

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

Edited January 28, 2025 by txab

[MaverickZ71]

Every couple of months, I will go outside and run the vacuum cleaner over the driveway while wearing my Hannibal Lecter grill mask, just to ensure that the neighbors never try to talk to us.

[MaverickZ71]

A woman approached a Catholic priest.

 

"Father forgive me for disturbing you. But, do you perform burial services?"

 

The priest calmly answered, "Yes my child of course." It is our duty to perform and help with these arrangements. May I know what the relationship of the deceased is to you?" 

 

The woman, pleased, responded, "My poor dog Rocky has passed away. I would like for him to be buried properly. 

 

The priest, offended said, "A burial for a dog? No, we don't do that!"

 

The woman asked, "Do you know who would do a funeral for my dog Rocky?"

 

"I bet the Baptist church on the corner would do it," he said.

 

"Sir, do you think $5,000 will be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" 

 

The preist replied, "Ma'am, why didn't you tell me that your dog was a Catholic?"

[MaverickZ71]

I got really drunk last night and decided that do my own taxes. 

Looks like I'm getting a refund of $3,689,225.00.

[MaverickZ71]

I called my local radio station this morning to request a song. 

 

When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win the grand prize."

 

"Woah!" I shouted with excitement.

 

"It's a math question," he said, "Are you feeling confident?"

 

"I have a degree in math" I proudly said.

 

"Okay then, to win the 2 VIP tickets to see Taylor Swift and to meet her backstage afterwards, what is 2+2?"

 

"12," I replied.

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]