Joke Thread

MaverickZ71 · July 27, 2024

MaverickZ71 · July 27, 2024

This is Coco, she's an 8 week old Queensland Blue Heeler.

I bought her for my girlfriend's birthday, but it turns out she is allergic to her, so now we are trying to find her a new home.

She's about 42 years old, a beautiful and caring woman who can drive, cook, cleans-up well and is a legal U.S. citizen.

Grumpy Bear · July 28, 2024

18 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

This is Coco, she's an 8 week old Queensland Blue Heeler.

I bought her for my girlfriend's birthday, but it turns out she is allergic to her, so now we are trying to find her a new home.

She's about 42 years old, a beautiful and caring woman who can drive, cook, cleans-up well and is a legal U.S. citizen.

If she does bathrooms, the wife and I are interested.

MaverickZ71 · July 28, 2024

MaverickZ71 · July 28, 2024

MaverickZ71 · July 28, 2024

MaverickZ71 · July 31, 2024

A man walked Into a bar with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The server asked for their orders. The man said, “A hamburger, fries and a beer,” and turned to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” said the ostrich.

A short time later the server returned with their order. “That will be $50.75 please,” and the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said, “A hamburger, fries, and a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reached into his pocket and paid with exact change.

The following day they both walked in again.

“The usual?” asked the server. “No, it is Friday, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and a shot of Tequila,” said the man.

“Same,” said the ostrich.

Shortly the server brought the order and said, “That will be $112.50.”

Once again the man pulled the exact change out of his pocket and placed it on the table.

The server can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” said the man, “Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie popped out and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was, that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

Awesome, said the server. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there,” said the man.

The server asked, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?” The man sighed, paused, and answered, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agreed with everything I said.”