Joke Thread

[garagerog]

13 hours ago, customboss said:

Hey if you need to go to the big game and don’t have tickets……find a guy with a plane and some USN SEALS TO GUIDE YOU IN. 

 

 

Obviously the Liberty Mutual doofus and LiMu Emu aren't ex-Navy Seals parachutists!

[txab]

[txab]

[Atlas]

I'm so glad we have AI in our lives...

 

 

[customboss]

58 minutes ago, Atlas said:

I'm so glad we have AI in our lives...

 

 

“Does anyone know what time it is?” 
 

[davester]

Time for the beatings to continue until morale improves

[Chuck FB]

Grandpa The Gambler

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"

[txab]

[customboss]

[Atlas]

For those who still work

 

[Atlas]

[Donstar]

[customboss]

104 YO WWII RAF pilot takes a ride in a Spitfire. Compare to “normal folks”. 
 

 

[customboss]

[Chuck FB]

Like a Rock ... wow, just wow