Navigating senior years.

Donstar · May 18, 2025

For me, looking back (hindsight) often makes things look easier than they actually were at the time. In my late 40's and 50's I was worried about not having enough money to support a long retirement. A short retirement was easier to plan for but makes for a very poor plan! Fast forward to today, we're financially able to live a comfortable life for as long as circumstances beyond our control don't get in the way. My kids are all in their 40's and I like to ask them about their retirement plans. The part they need to appreciate is that they are not as far away from their retirement years as they may think!

KARNUT · May 18, 2025

My 3 kids did at least followed my advice about purchasing a home. One part of financial independence. Two of the 3 are happily married another part of financial independence’s. Once they retire if their combined social security doesn’t meet their bills. They should be able to sell their home and downsize to be financially independent. Unfortunately for them with their parents getting hitched very young. The inheritance will probably not be available until they are in their 60s. Unless their mother goes first. And I spend it on fast cars, women and travel.

Donstar · May 22, 2025

One of our 45+ year old children continues to live for the moment with no preparation for tomorrow. Our efforts to guide and assist are in vain. This individual lives on the edge of homelessness but manages to meet minimal requirements to have a home and food in the fridge. Admittedly, we have paid the rent and filled the fridge on occasion throughout this person's adulthood. Our sincerest sympathy goes out to the parents who lose/lost a child to the streets. It is unbelievable pain to imagine it, never mind experience it! We know of two couples in the past couple of years who brought home a 40+ year old offspring to offer a better quality of life. It didn't work out for either of them but I understand why the parents did it. We know, and these examples confirmed, that we can't bring this offspring back for a re-launch! Sometimes sharing with other seniors with similar situations helps relieve our stress and sadness.

KARNUT · May 22, 2025

1 hour ago, Donstar said:

One of our 45+ year old children continues to live for the moment with no preparation for tomorrow. Our efforts to guide and assist are in vain. This individual lives on the edge of homelessness but manages to meet minimal requirements to have a home and food in the fridge. Admittedly, we have paid the rent and filled the fridge on occasion throughout this person's adulthood. Our sincerest sympathy goes out to the parents who lose/lost a child to the streets. It is unbelievable pain to imagine it, never mind experience it! We know of two couples in the past couple of years who brought home a 40+ year old offspring to offer a better quality of life. It didn't work out for either of them but I understand why the parents did it. We know, and these examples confirmed, that we can't bring this offspring back for a re-launch! Sometimes sharing with other seniors with similar situations helps relieve our stress and sadness.

I feel your pain. One of three a daughter has two failed marriages and three kids. Barely gets by we underwrite. Co-signed on her house. Has our credit card for emergencies. Two of her kids adults still live at home, don’t contribute. So she helps them. So basically we are helping them all. They all are decent people. Just know they have a safety net. 20 years ago when it started I had a hard time with it. When her kids started to be leeches I called them out. Life was a little miserable. I finally quit being bitchy. I put things in a bucket because I’m OCD. My new car payment bucket. I quit buying new cars. About the same time my mother in law quit driving and we got her low mileage CRV. That I later traded my daughter for her high mileage Odyssey. God works in mysterious ways. Yesterday I stopped by her house. I told my daughter with her kids listening. Five years this house gets sold. The 2 oldest need to in their own by then. And she can get a small house or condo. I’m not going to start doing heavy maintenance or repairs on this house. By selling she’ll have enough to cover everything herself. My daughter agreed. I’ll be 75. Time to clean up the mess.

Donstar · May 23, 2025

Thanks, Karnut. It is hard to understand how a middle aged child living on the edge can impact parents until you've had the experience. Siblings of our struggling offspring are watching how we deal the situation. They are "understanding" but we know it is a new experience for them. They are preparing to launch their own children into adulthood and are doing all the right things. There are no guarantees of immediate success and hopefully they will benefit from our example in the event of any delayed launch! Karnut and others will appreciate that in less than two hours I'll be observing the beginning of the launch sequence for one of my grandchildren on a livestream from the Tomball ISD 2025 graduation ceremony! This promises to be a very successful launch for our first grandchild!

KARNUT · May 23, 2025

5 minutes ago, Donstar said:

Thanks, Karnut. It is hard to understand how a middle aged child living on the edge can impact parents until you've had the experience. Siblings of our struggling offspring are watching how we deal the situation. They are "understanding" but we know it is a new experience for them. They are preparing to launch their own children into adulthood and are doing all the right things. There are no guarantees of immediate success and hopefully they will benefit from our example in the event of any delayed launch! Karnut and others will appreciate that in less than two hours I'll be observing the beginning of the launch sequence for one of my grandchildren on a livestream from the Tomball ISD 2025 graduation ceremony! This promises to be a very successful launch for our first grandchild!

Tomball, about 15 minutes from me. I watched an interesting interview yesterday about the difference in the kids were raised in the 50s and 60s. Mainly the parents stayed out of their lives. They were guided instead of coddled. Did chores then got an allowance. Saved a portion. Kept the rest. If I wanted anything other than the basics, I worked. My grandson of the second daughter was explaining to us how excited he was to get a new gaming thing. Actually to my wife. It was 500$. He was selling older stuff to raise the money. His car sits parked because the AC quit. He hasn’t even got the registration renewed. I asked him how the job search is going. He has two he’s waiting to hear back from. Burger King for a night shift. So he can use his mom’s car. Or a technical support job by phone at home. He’s 24. My tongue was bleeding by the time he left.

diyer2 · May 23, 2025

My son has had a tough go with my grandaughter, she just don't care. My son cosigned for a loan on a car and she is missing payments. He may get the car and sell it, give her his backup car to drive.

customboss · May 23, 2025

1 hour ago, diyer2 said:

My son has had a tough go with my grandaughter, she just don't care. My son cosigned for a loan on a car and she is missing payments. He may get the car and sell it, give her his backup car to drive.

My oldest daughter mouthed off to me after being warned. Her Honda Civic was sold out from under her to our music minister who needed a car.
Our kids are better businesspeople than we are at times and I called her on it!

KARNUT · May 23, 2025

38 minutes ago, customboss said:

My oldest daughter mouthed off to me after being warned. Her Honda Civic was sold out from under her to our music minister who needed a car.
Our kids are better businesspeople than we are at times and I called her on it!

My kids got their first car free with a college scholarship. Not that I would pay for college, I don’t believe in that. My son quit after his first year, I took his car back. He ended up making 6 figures at his first job selling timeshare. I helped several grandkids with their first cars. I find them they pay me back with low payments. The avalanche is going to a grandson eventually. It’s more of a lease. I get first refusal if I want it back.

KARNUT · May 23, 2025

2 hours ago, diyer2 said:

My son has had a tough go with my grandaughter, she just don't care. My son cosigned for a loan on a car and she is missing payments. He may get the car and sell it, give her his backup car to drive.

I co sign for my daughter once. It never dawned on me that some people thought the due date was a suggestion. They never notified me she was late more often than not. I found out on our next vehicle purchase that our credit score was impacted. Never did that again.

Donstar · May 25, 2025

Yes, I did the co sign mistake with our struggling child decades ago. Our shared DNA was the only reason I agreed. "Family" is an incredibly powerful reason for support or abuse.

Donstar · May 26, 2025

We keep an emergency kit c/w medications. Last week I discovered included in the kit were some pain medication that are still on my list of current prescriptions. The date on the container was 2022 so I decided to use these and replace them with fresh pills. My intentions were good but were wrong. I always thought that "best before" regulations for pills was more of a legal requirement than a measure of efficacy. After a day or two of feeling rough, I asked a pharmacist if three year old pills could be ineffective. She assured me that using three year old pills were most likely the cause of my current discomfort and to bring in my old medication for proper disposal. After two days of returning to current medication, I am back to my geriatric normal! The timing of my ill health and change in medication could be coincidental but I won't be using a time of crisis to find out!

Donstar · May 27, 2025

Everyday I have a little "me" time when I go shopping or for a walk. My wife appreciates the quiet time. We do enjoy our alone time but dread the day one of us experiences this fulltime. Lately we have found ourselves showing each other how we do things. Over our five decades together many tasks have been assumed by one of us and we have developed proficiency in our assumed tasks. This exchange of lessons is occurring naturally and neither of us have imminent life threatening issues. However, we are both in our seventies and well aware of how lucky we are for the many years of being together. The other day we talked about this noticeable increase of sharing our individual ways of doing tasks. Of course we're both preparing each other for if they are the last one standing. This is not a happy conversation. However, it is a healthy discussion to have. We are committed to working together to support each other in such a practical way and allow the last one to properly grieve when the time comes. Most of us know of couples where the remaining partners have been left without basic knowledge of household finances or household maintenance. Both my father and my father-in law predeceased their wives. One of these wives was able to mourn and transition to the next stage in her life and the other spent a year straightening out business and household affairs.

customboss · May 27, 2025

2 hours ago, Donstar said:

Everyday I have a little "me" time when I go shopping or for a walk. My wife appreciates the quiet time. We do enjoy our alone time but dread the day one of us experiences this fulltime. Lately we have found ourselves showing each other how we do things. Over our five decades together many tasks have been assumed by one of us and we have developed proficiency in our assumed tasks. This exchange of lessons is occurring naturally and neither of us have imminent life threatening issues. However, we are both in our seventies and well aware of how lucky we are for the many years of being together. The other day we talked about this noticeable increase of sharing our individual ways of doing tasks. Of course we're both preparing each other for if they are the last one standing. This is not a happy conversation. However, it is a healthy discussion to have. We are committed to working together to support each other in such a practical way and allow the last one to properly grieve when the time comes. Most of us know of couples where the remaining partners have been left without basic knowledge of household finances or household maintenance. Both my father and my father-in law predeceased their wives. One of these wives was able to mourn and transition to the next stage in her life and the other spent a year straightening out business and household affairs.

Wise.

Donstar · May 28, 2025

I am on waitlists for shoulder and knee replacements and was told yesterday my wait will be longer than anticipated. "Soon" was the closest estimate I could get. Over the almost year of waiting, I am used to living with these failing joints and am no longer eager for surgery. However, I am assured by friends who have had joint replacements that they are well worth the wait and recovery. I have one friend who has had both knees replaced and recently had her second hip done. She is a wealth of information, good and bad, but insists the results are well worth any inconvenience. Waitlists validate the popularity of such procedures and I know I'm fortunate to have most of the wait behind me! I also appreciate how lucky I am and I'm not complaining. Maybe you have a joint replacement comment or tale to share.