Joke Thread

[Big_Kahuna]

[diyer2]

 

[Grumpy Bear]

Always remember that you are absolutely unique! 

Just like everybody else.-Margaret Mead

 

Just because you're unique doesn't mean you are useful.

[KARNUT]

8 hours ago, diyer2 said:

 

Oh yea 

[JimCost2014]

Sorry in advance

 

[JimCost2014]

[diyer2]

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF AGING


I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later….


1. I don't have to go to school or work.


2. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew.


3. I have a driver's license and my own car.


4. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne.


5. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.


6. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers, but guys cook like their mothers now! Girls can drink like their fathers now.


7. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.


8. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.


9. Old age is coming at a really bad time. It needs to come back in 10 years, cause I need more prep time.


10. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.


11. The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".


12. I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.


13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.


14. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We're meeting next week. Maybe.


15. Why do I have to press #1 for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand or hear anyway?


16. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.


17. At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.


18. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.

19. I have all the time in the world to read books that I choose, I can read any book that I want to, and I don’t have to write a book report.


20. Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

 

[diyer2]

 

[JimCost2014]

Edited May 8, 2022 by JimCost2014

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

This says it all about people today. 

https://i.imgur.com/ZU6zoXh.mp4

 

 

Edited May 13, 2022 by diyer2

[garagerog]

2 hours ago, diyer2 said:

This says it all about people today. 

https://i.imgur.com/ZU6zoXh.mp4

 

If you thought that was bad:

U-Haul Truck and SUV Impounded, Driver Cited for Dangling Vehicle – NewsRadio 560 KPQ

Edited May 13, 2022 by garagerog

[JimCost2014]

[diyer2]