Navigating senior years.

KARNUT · January 28

My wife gathers. She used to do garage sales then sell on EBay. We have a small building in the back yard, shelves around the garage. Lots of closets and storage space. Everything has long been full. eBay quit being fun years ago. She doesn’t collect anymore, there’s no more room. I’m a minimalist, except with cars.

99silveradoz71 · January 28

I have had discussions with co-workers around the holidays regarding the challenge of making a Christmas list as I've gotten older. I suppose my perspective has changed and we get used to going out and getting something when there's a need. As you get older and start seeing things sitting around (and perhaps dealing with an older parent trying to get rid of things) I feel there's less of an excitement in getting "stuff" versus when we were younger. I've found myself developing more of an appreciation for experiences and just spending time with family.

Donstar · January 29

18 hours ago, Grumpy Bear said:

I've decided I'm not going to do this job "Dumpster" style where in a commit myself to a weekend of once and done. More like a bucket and box to the standard trash. A bit each day. Something to get me moving in the dead of winter.

I've often had the same thoughts. The dumpster approach is too scary. I also opted for the systematic thinning of my treasures and after several months a few items have shifted location but little has disappeared. Your post has motivated me to make a greater effort!

Atlas · January 29

Decluttering is a great way to momentarily kick the winter blues. It's something that's best turned into a mindset rather than a once/done "dumpster" approach. Here are a few recent examples.

We ended up with two plastic food containers that are sturdy and reusable for saving leftovers. Well, we already have 6 similar containers. Instead of adding to the pile, we discarded the 4 oldest ones and let another one go in the spirit of reducing clutter. So now we have two new ones and one old one.

It's time to replace a few clothing items. The new items arrived, so it was time to thin the pile of older items and also review what's been worn in the last year, or not. If it hasn't been worn in a year, there's a good chance it should probably be sold/donated/tossed and buy a new one if you ever need it. If you turn old clothes into rags, it's also time to thin the rag pile.

And, the yearly "shred" pile. Even in a world transitioning to paperless transactions, I still accumulate a lot of paper documents, and those fill up drawers for filing. Statements, receipts, notices. Is there also an online version? Do I need it for taxes? If this piece of paper disappeared, would anyone actually care? A lot of this has PII or HIPAA -protected information, so on items I decide I no longer need, it's a good idea to shred it versus just throw it away or recycle it.

Going through the pantry is also a good one. Get rid of old food. For stuff you probably won't use and will expire in the nearer but not too close future, you can always donate it before it goes bad.

Tools? Ok nobody ever really gets rid of tools, but if you find yourself with 2, 3, 4 sets of something, letting one or two of those go would make a nice donation to someone who is just building their tool collection. At least that way it's getting used.

Donstar · February 3

Our oldest grandchild is living on campus at a University far from home. We talk to him via video on a regular basis. There are huge differences in his University life from mine that took place 50+ years ago. The most obvious difference is I was raised in a home where education past high school was our own financial responsibility. My grandchildren are raised in homes where post secondary education is expected and funded. I love making comparisons on these video calls and focus on the similarities. The pressure to succeed was intense for me and is equally intense for my grandson. I am so happy to be past that life stage but maybe not quite this far past!

KARNUT · February 3

My kids and my siblings kids got some kind of scholarships, sports, music or academic. I gave my kids cars as a reward. They all got jobs for everything else. My youngest son and most successful quit after one semester. It wasn’t for him. He returned the car. The girls did two years both got married. I believe in helping not giving them full rides. My priority was funding my retirement. That will give my kids a retirement they can only imagine once we pass. Like the sign says in an airplane. First put the mask on yourself.

Donstar · February 5

There is some luck included in the successful raising of children. We had three children close together and all grew up in almost identical home environments. They are all in their forties now and two of them reflect the character we strived to instill in all of our children growing up. One child took on a far different understanding. Parents often take a disproportionate amount of credit for how their kids, "turn out". The bulk of the credit truly belongs to the individual.

KARNUT · February 5

I disagree to a point. If you’re kids grow up in an environment where daddy show affection towards their mother and the mother shows respect to the father. Their kids will be happy and respectful. If the parents are well spoken and intelligent the kids will be. If the family has a business or a high level job. More often than not the kids will lean that way. Heavy drinkers, drug users usually passes on. Kids usually mirror their parents. My son my youngest went with me on sales and training calls. He a salesman. My brother’s son his oldest. Was with us in the field when we cleared ROWs and our equipment business. He’s running our equipment business. My third brother’s son runs crews in our old ROW business just like his father.

Edited February 5 by KARNUT

Atlas · February 5

I've noticed parents and grandparents take a lot of credit when they have good kids and good grandchildren. When they have bad kids they throw their hands up and say I didn't teach them that, don't know where they got it from.

KARNUT · February 5

38 minutes ago, Atlas said:

I've noticed parents and grandparents take a lot of credit when they have good kids and good grandchildren. When they have bad kids they throw their hands up and say I didn't teach them that, don't know where they got it from.

It’s harder now with all the outside influences. I’m come from a time of the stay at home mom. My wife didn’t start working until the kids were in school. So their influence are diminished. Online influence is hard to measure. It’s definitely impacted my grandson. Yesterday I get another call from the grandson. The CRV has a flat. My grand daughter and him were working on changing it. Progress, I was impressed. But they couldn’t loosen the lug nuts. So I drive out. I asked him to demonstrate. It was comical. At least it was jacked up and the spare was ready. There was the normal resistance but no problem. I get big eyes from both. I laughed and said you can’t build muscle pushing buttons.

txab · February 5

Sounds like they need a battery operated lug wrench

KARNUT · February 5

3 minutes ago, txab said:

Sounds like they need a battery operated lug wrench

My grandson is a good kid. In all my years I’ve never met a person who is so self centered. It’s not with bad intentions he doesn’t seem to get it. It’s like a mom who’s not nurturing. For instance he tells me on the way home the night before the flat the low tire light comes on. Instead of getting up first thing to deal with it. It doesn’t dawn on him the tire could be flat and mom would have to deal with it. He casually mentions to me he was the last one who drove the car. Then suddenly it dawned on him and I can see he expects me to chew him out. I look at him and say I don’t need to say anything and he says sorry. He’s the man of the house and would probably be the first one out the back door if there was a threat at the front. I’ve never been around people like that in my family. His mother would run towards the front door.

Atlas · February 5

3 hours ago, KARNUT said:

It’s harder now with all the outside influences. I’m come from a time of the stay at home mom. My wife didn’t start working until the kids were in school. So their influence are diminished. Online influence is hard to measure. It’s definitely impacted my grandson. Yesterday I get another call from the grandson. The CRV has a flat. My grand daughter and him were working on changing it. Progress, I was impressed. But they couldn’t loosen the lug nuts. So I drive out. I asked him to demonstrate. It was comical. At least it was jacked up and the spare was ready. There was the normal resistance but no problem. I get big eyes from both. I laughed and said you can’t build muscle pushing buttons.

Sounds like lack of experience more so than lack of muscle. Sounds like he's never been stuck on the side of the road with that spare being the only way he's getting home. You bailed him out again... He just needs to hit it with his purse a little bit, crank on that lug wrench like he's got a pair of balls, maybe put a shoe into it. He'll get it.

KARNUT · February 5

13 minutes ago, Atlas said:

Sounds like lack of experience more so than lack of muscle. Sounds like he's never been stuck on the side of the road with that spare being the only way he's getting home. You bailed him out again... He just needs to hit it with his purse a little bit, crank on that lug wrench like he's got a pair of balls, maybe put a shoe into it. He'll get it.

I’m 70 years old. I’ve never experienced the likes of him. He doesn’t get it. I’ve showed him how to change a tire 3 times. His sister has more machnical knowledge. She’s actually the one who jacked the car up. Maybe I enabled some. But if it comes down to safety I have to help. Maybe he’s a con. He’s pretty good if he is.

Donstar · February 6

20 hours ago, KARNUT said:

I disagree to a point. If you’re kids grow up in an environment where daddy show affection towards their mother and the mother shows respect to the father. Their kids will be happy and respectful. If the parents are well spoken and intelligent the kids will be.

I'm glad this is your experience. Raising our children in a loving, respectful environment goes a long way to paving a happy future. However, there isn't an "if then will" assurance that kids raised in a happy and respectful environment will be happy and respectful adults. Conversely, kids raised in a miserable environment won't necessarily be guaranteed an unhappy adult life. Most parents, I believe, strive to ensure their children will grow up to be happy and respectful adults. Unfortunately, there are many external factors including peer relationships, drugs and mental health competing with our good intentions. We do our best, and with some luck, our kids will reflect all the good we have to offer and more!