Joke Thread

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

7 hours ago, MaverickZ71 said:

Love pancakes,  canoe has a hole in it but frozen over, I have a second wheel to avoid rocks, oh I have a metal roof! 

[garagerog]

Little Johnny joke:

 

Teacher endeavors to get a handle on her classrooms understanding of a food chain so she asks her class to give an example of the name of an animal ending in tor that eats other animals. Little Susie pipes up and answers alligator, teacher beams with a big smile and says, congratulations Susie, exactly the kind of answer I was looking for!  Richard raises his hand and answers predator, teacher tells Richard that she will accept his answer even though that was more the topic at hand and not a specific animal. Lastly, with much excitement, Little Johnny raises his hand and shouts, I know, I know!  Teacher rolls her eyes as she is familiar with Little Johnny's unorthodox and somewhat embarrassing answers, but she can't help herself and decides to let Johnny answer anyhow. Johnny shouts out vibrator. With a confused look on her face, teacher tells Little Johnny she doesn't understand how a vibrator could eat anything. But teacher, Little Johnny retorts, my big sister says her vibrator eats batteries like there is no tomorrow!

[MaverickZ71]

[diyer2]

 

[MaverickZ71]

The outgoing leader wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. 

 

He stressed that it should be of international quality. 

 

The stamps were released and the regime was pleased. 

 

But within a couple of days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he was furious. 

 

So, he ordered an investigation into the matter. The investigator checked the problem out at several post offices, and then reported to the installed dictator. 

 

The results revealed that there was nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. 

 

The problem was that people were spitting on the wrong side.

[diyer2]

 

[customboss]

19 minutes ago, diyer2 said:

 

They don’t care what men think. 

[MaverickZ71]

During that last bad snowstorm we had, my wife ended up getting lost. 

 

I asked her, "Weren't you scared?" 

 

She said, "No, because I remembered what my dad had told me once. 

 

He said, "Just wait for a snow plow to come by, and follow it."

 

"Sure enough, a snow plow came by, and I started following it." 

 

She said, "It was difficult and dangerous to stay up with him, but she was able to manage for about 30 minutes.

 

Finally the driver of the snow plow got out and asked her, "Ma'am what are doing?"

 

I guess she explained to him how her dad had told her that if she ever got lost in a snowstorm to just follow a plow. 

 

The driver nodded, and replied, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Target?"

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]

[MaverickZ71]