Joke Thread

diyer2 · June 11

Donstar · June 13

PhilB · June 13

Atlas · June 19

Chuck FB · June 21

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young
pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot
and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached
them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by
just listening to the bells.

Fred's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but
this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it
couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to
the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the City Show and he
became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell
Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most
coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the
unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

Chuck FB · June 22

There is a Chevy joke in there as well ...

Atlas · June 25

Charlie Berens is a riot...I love his videos!

Chuck FB · June 27

This video may not be the exact content for the joke thread but its a lot of laughs so here it is, I've only watched a portion of it so far but if anyone is looking for some light hearted good soap box driving action, its here. As a note in the upper left of the screen it shows the number out of 100 to refer back to any particular vehicle for comment !.

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1351928276956715

Grumpy Bear · June 29

I thought my dryer was shrinking my clothes.

Turns out it was the refrigerator.

Edited June 29 by Grumpy Bear

Homer1959 · June 29

FOR MEN ONLY .... however we love our women so much lol

What costs more, a woman or a swimming pool? ... I would say there is no difference, both are expensive for the time spent in them....

Chuck FB · July 5

Chuck FB · July 9

Chuck FB · July 10

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a small church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed.
Two weeks later they returned. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor," the young husband replied, "I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks."
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with desire and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," the pastor responded firmly.
"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either..."